My family doesn't accept me in the Christmas' dinner because I'm gay!?

Question

Is it a fair punishment against my 'sin'??
I want to go with my boyfriend and my father doesn't accept it. Also, he doesn't accept me because I'm gay. I'm really hurt because if my mom was alive she would defend me.
What can I do? Thanks and greetings from the UK. Matthew.

Answer 1

Matthew this is very sad. One of my husbands cousins is gay and he had the same problem with the family, I have always had a great relationship with him and when other family members saw that he was 'normal' they began to accept him for what he is a great guy. It has taken seven years but now his family accept him and his partner, they are invited to everything as a couple. It's been a long road but worthwhile. Do you have a brother/sister/cousin or family member who you get on with who can help you? If your father is being so unaccepting of your sexuality I think it's him who has the problem and perhaps someone should explain the facts of life to him!! I hope it all goes well for you and your boyfriends, why don't the two of you go out for Christmas dinner, or invite friends round to yours. Don't let your Dad spoil your Christmas he's the one who will lose out in the long run.

Answer 2

Lion of Judah - Same sex attraction is NOT a choice. You only have to look at the religious based ex-gay ministries for confirmation of this. People enlist with these groups because they want to "choose heterosexuality" and yet the failure rate is close to 100%.

Matthew - you can't change your father's ways. Only he can do that. The best thing you can do is to reassure him that he is still your father and that you'll still be there for him when he "comes round".

Also, how long has he known about you being gay? If you've only just come out then he may still be suffering from shock - don't forget; you've had longer to come to terms with things, and may have been shocked yourself before you came out.

If he has known for ages, then there isn't really anything you can do except for what I said two paragraphs ago. I'm sorry if this answer isn't very helpful.

If you are feeling isolated then you may want to contact a LGBT help group who will offer you support, which will make you feel a lot better about yourself when you're dealing with your father.

Answer 3

I suggest seating arrangements and a long talk with your uncle, it's your house and you don't want the anti-homsexual drama to happen at your own house on during a time of peace and good will towards men. And if your uncle wants acts like a child during your Christmas dinner then promote one of the older kids to the adult table and have your uncle sit at the kids table with the other kids, the kids might get a laugh at seeing a grown man sitting at the kids table with them.

Answer 4

I don't believe you mention any sin in your question...you say you are gay, which is not a sin, and don't allow anyone to tell you otherwise, (especially the little idiot quoting Leviticus...very worn out now, my friend!)

Chris has said everything you need to know, there is a point when you realise, I suppose, that parents are human and not always right. Plan your day with your partner, have a great time and forget your fathers comments. If he wants to speak to you, let him come to you.

Greetings from the UK to you too!

Answer 5

1st, take no notice of the bigots on here, especially those who cannot spell!!!

2nd, you are who you are, no need to apologise to anyone for that, not even your family. If they do not accept you for who you are, they are not worthy of you.

3rd, for those who suggest 'reasoning with your dad' let me say, for some people there is no reasoning, they think they are right and they are too stubborn to change, no matter how hard you try or however good an argument you make.

I liked the idea someone had, of you don't have family, then make one...good friends can become like family (my friends are closer to me than my blood relatives).

I wish you and your bf a very happy Christmas together, whether it be just the 2 of you or with your extended 'family' of friends, I am sure you will have a great time.

Answer 6

Go out somewhere with your boyfriend, maybe to his family's house. I'm sorry about your father (and the fundamentalists who will no doubt start posting on here) but if he chooses not to accept it then he'll have to live with the consequences of being deprived of a relationship with you and your partner. What about other relatives? Siblings? People on your mother's side? Mutual friends?

Whatever happens, I wish you a very Merry Christmas. Things will be better in time.

Answer 7

I am sorry to hear that. But the truth is you can't really do any thing about how he reacts towards your sexuality. If he does not want to accept it then you can't make him. If he hates it that much, then why should he be part of your life then? I know it hurts. As others have suggested, may be plan an event with your Significant other? Or may be make up a family of your own, with friends who do love you. I hope you have a good one. :-)

Answer 8

Remember not to give your power away to anyone, not even your own father. My own father was an alcoholic and a very miserable person. Now and then he would be nice or even show me some affection, but most of the time I spent hiding from him. Not a very good way to grow up, is it? He died in 1961 and all that tension and unpleasantness went along with him. My mother and I became best friends until she died in 1981. She defended me. But she didn't need to, as I had not outwardly demonstrated any interests of this sort you speak of. It is extremely unfortunate your father is not yet "with the program," as they say. Acceptance is the best some parents can manage, but love and kindness is so much better. If your father has stepped away from you on this issue, then it is wise for you to step back from him quietly.

There is something profoundly wrong with a father who does not accept his own son at Christmas, or any time for that matter. This is your father's problem. He needs to address this at some point because I doubt that you are going to change any time soon. I would reclaim my power from him at once and have alternative Christmas plans with your friend or partner.

If you get on the other end of this rope-pull with your father there will be no end to it. The trick is to let go of your end of the rope. Of course it hurts, but how happy are you locked in a tug of war with Dad?

In closing, I would like to focus on you and your friend. I hope the two of you have the best Christmas ever. I hope you find a nice place to have Christmas dinner and a quiet place to enjoy the entire day together. I wouldn't waste another moment of your precious life sparring with your father on any level. Disengage. Detach. Let go of your end of the rope.

Answer 9

Don't blame yourself for your father being a sinner Matthew, you and your boyfriend are quite welcomed to my place, I would accept you both with open arms, only trouble is I'm in Australia. But try and have a merry christmas.

Answer 10

My family was not accepting of me either it took them several yrs or more to finally meet me half way. So, now it is half and half. My sister and father is against my life style, my mother and brother is very accepting towards my partner, I think they feel as long as I am happy that is what should matter. It took them 8 yrs to get to this point so, give it time and maybethings will come around for you.