Ok, long story and I'll try to keep it short. Brandy was the girl I always had feelings for, but we where always dating other people. We finally got together 3 1/2 years ago and got engaged last december. Things had been great save for some arguements. The past month she has seemed off and a week ago told me she loves me and wants to get married and have kids with me, but is not ready. She wants to stay in our house through the summer and then move to LA for a few months. She said she just isn't happy with herself and needs to find out why and try to do things on her own because she never has.Needs to find herself. She insists she loves me and once she comes back she wants to continue the wedding, have kids, and everything we planned. I'm totally crushed by this. I can't even begin to figure out what to do. Her friends and family told her she's insane. She insisted on keeping the ring around her neck so when she comes back I can put it back on her finger and get on with our life. Help?
2007-12-08 07:26:14 · 9 answers · asked by Craig 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No, I'm not upset that she wants to make a life for herself, I'm upset that she's leaving. We moved in together a month after we started to date and she's my best friend too. And from NYC, LA is FAR away. She moved away from home when she was 16 and always lived w/ someone so I understand she needs to feel like she can make it on her own. I told her I would wait for her for as long as I can stand to. Her mother wants me to talk her out of going, but I don't think I can. And thank you to all the people with positive answers, I really appreciate a kind word and the good advice.
2007-12-08 07:49:52 · update #1
No, I'm not upset that she wants to make a life for herself, I'm upset that she's leaving. We moved in together a month after we started to date and she's my best friend too. And from NYC, LA is FAR away. She moved away from home when she was 16 and always lived w/ someone so I understand she needs to feel like she can make it on her own. I told her I would wait for her for as long as I can stand to. Her mother wants me to talk her out of going, but I don't think I can. And thank you to all the people with positive answers, I really appreciate a kind word and the good advice.
2007-12-08 07:49:53 · update #2
It is possible she needs to find herself and good for her to identify this need before getting married, imagine it she had that revelation after your marriage. Where she is wrong is to make you believe and hope she will come back and to wait for her. If she loved you the way she is suppose to she would not want to spend a minute away from you. You have to let her go, cancel the engagement and do your best to go on.
2007-12-08 07:34:33 · answer #1 · answered by Jane Marple 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Who is in LA? Her family? friends? Why is she moving there? Why can't she just wear a ring since she insists on keeping it?
Let her do what she needs to do, but ask her that if she still wants to be engaged she needs to keep the ring on her finger, not around her neck, if not, you will hold the ring. Be completely honest about how you feel and tell her that you love her and don't want to lose her. However, you don't want her to stick around just because YOU WANT TO. She has to want to do it on her own. You can't make her. She is free to do what she needs to do, but time will tell how you will feel after she is gone.
2007-12-08 08:44:48 · answer #2 · answered by smiles 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that your going to be here and that maybe you should keep the ring and that if she's sure about her feeling when she comes back you can continue the relationship. Tell her that you love her but that waiting is the hardest thing. Tell her you won't wait forever but you can wait....just not that long.
If she does go...keep in touch. And after a few weeks go out and live. Tell her you can't wait. It will be killing you after a while. Tell her that you are depressed that she's gone and tell her that she can come back or move on. Falling in love is a bad thing.. sometimes...like when they don't come back... you can wait but don't wait forever.
2007-12-08 07:41:54 · answer #3 · answered by Samantha 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would let her go, it sounds like she has lost her way somewhere along the line and needs to find herself. It doesn't sound like its because of you at all from what you said, but you all are engaged so I know it affects you. I would tell her to go and you will be supportive of her decision. But that being said, I would also tell her to think very carefully and make sure she wants to do this because you wont sit around and wait for her. And when she gets back from finding herself you might not be there to welcome her home! Good luck!
2007-12-08 07:30:45 · answer #4 · answered by Susan F 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as though she consistent with threat having some doubts or in basic terms straightforward scared. returned off, bypass away the full undertaking on my own. the two one in each of you truly desire to make certain if it truly is what you choose. Time won't kill the relationship...it is going to help, interior the long-term to examine to make certain no rely if it fairly is nicely worth it. Take a while and get into different issues that are exciting to you - your pastimes, pastimes, and so on. and supply her time to do the comparable. it fairly is (or supposedly) an entire life dedication. so because it fairly is fairly severe and the two one in each of you are able to desire to contemplate that.
2016-11-14 22:11:58 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is this the same "Brandy" who the sailor said is a fine girl and what a good wife she would be? ;)
(sorry . . . I couldn't resist!
FWIW, the song is from "Looking Glass")
2007-12-08 07:46:17 · answer #6 · answered by skaizun 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She wants to go try to make a life for herself and you are hurt about that? Guess you really don't love her then. Someone who loved her would want her to be happy to make a place in the world for herself.
2007-12-08 07:29:49 · answer #7 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Get the ring back and call it off-she can't have it both ways
2007-12-08 07:29:25 · answer #8 · answered by Lunaeclipz 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
get outta this...........move....do not pass go...do not collect 200 dollars...............if you stick with this chick you are inviting 20 years of stress into your life!!!!!!! don't say I didn't warn you
2007-12-08 08:19:50 · answer #9 · answered by socar50 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋