My wife just told me she is pregnant, we are fairly young and already have one kid. I'm not ready for another one. I know for a fact that she has already had 2 abortions so i don't see what the big deal is. She is a stay at home mom and I am the sole provider of our family. I am very stressed out as it is and I don't know how to tell her that I can't take any more right now. I feel like we should wait. We always decided that we wanted to wait until our 1st child was 2, and he's not yet, but the BC pill was making her sick, so she stopped taking it. I don't get why shes trying to change the plans that we made just because she happens to be pregnant now. Am I wrong, Is she? How do I tell her that I love her and our child, but that I'm just not ready.
2007-12-08 05:00:12 · 18 answers · asked by james 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You've got some nerve blaming her for this, whatever happened to you taking responsibility?
It takes two to tango.
2007-12-08 08:20:54 · answer #1 · answered by Very happily married. 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sorry but this is your fault too... and you obviously had the same lack of consideration for your "future plans" as she did. If the pill was making her sick and you knew she wasn't taking it why didn't you use a condom or suggest she use a diaphragm??
Clearly (seeing as you two have 1 child already and 2 abortions) you KNOW what happens from unprotected sex. Above all you may not be *ready* she may even not be, who ever *really* is... She's pregnant and its HER body with YOUR child growing in it. I won't even "go there" about TWO abortions and on a personal level ABORTION is not a birth control method, and my personal opinion of abortion is that its wrong for many reasons, however your wife has already had TWO!! Abortions not only end a would be life, they cause serious medical problems for the women that have them done. Scarring, cancer, infertility, mental disorders, the list can go on and on, point is your wife probably doesn't want to risk her health anymore and probably wouldn't feel comfortable about having abortion #3... there's always oopses but you two are going in excess. Doesn't mean she's ready or even wants the baby, but we reap what we sow....
Ever heard of adoption... if you 2 really don't want this baby there are other options instead of murder. Also, when the baby is born you and her will love it no matter what, so when push comes to shove would you really be able to give the baby "away" to someone else. More than likely no. So why not think about that for a moment. Look at your current child and how much you love him.... could you kill him...could you give him away? The baby growing in your wife is your child also, do you really want to kill it or give it away??
You were just as irresponsible as her...if you weren't ready you should have been more careful!! Shame on both you!!
Also, 2 children isn't that 'hard' I have 3 (none of which i was ready for!!) I found NO real difference from going 1 child to 2 children it was a minor (very MINOR change)... the difficult and most hardest struggle was going from 2 to 3 children.
Don't know what you 2 are gonna do, but you've gotta TALK about it and communicate...don't push her to do anything either way (have it or kill it) or will probably end up divorced down the road because if she feels 'forced' or 'persuaded' to do what you want she may harbor a very strong resentment towards you in the future that in non repairable...especially where abortion is concerned
Good luck... you 2 need it desperately!!
2007-12-08 05:28:54 · answer #2 · answered by busymum 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
The timing sucks, I hate to say, but I won't lecture you like the others on the use of condoms, etc.
Just tell her exactly what you wrote on Y/A. If you don't know how to start - just print this page out....
Neither one of you are "wrong" in this situation. You're not ready to have a second child so soon. She may be feeling the same way too.
Open up a dialog. Share your true emotions and apprehensions with her. Discuss all the options, even abortion, if necessary. However, if she decides that another abortion is not what she wants, try to be sensitive to her wishes - as being currently pregnant - I know how those hormones can make you a bit crazy and irrational.
2007-12-08 05:17:27 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you knew that she stopped taking her pills because they made her sick, then you knew fully well she had a chance of getting pregnant. What were you thinking? Are you sure she really didn't PLAN this baby? BC pills usually dont make you sick especially after the first couple of months once the side effects have worn off. Also, there are many types of pills and combination pills that can be tried for each woman's differing chemistry. Having had 2 abortions already is so irresponsible, it sounds like the two of you are extremely young and irresponsible to begin with. Good luck
2007-12-08 05:16:52 · answer #4 · answered by Brittney 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow! that is really hard one. Well, if you really love her and your child.....than to me there is nothing wrong if work a little bit extra to earn the finance to support your on coming baby. This is the best way to show her that you love her and you child.
If you really not ready for another baby than you should find a way to replace the BC pills she been taking rather than let her just stop like that. You should know, unprotected sex will lead to pregnancy.
That is half of your mistake, and now she carrying a life..it is not right for you to ask her to abort now..it is consider killing, don't do that.....pull yourself together, do all your best to be the coolest dad, one day you will thank your own self for saving your baby's life.
2007-12-08 07:10:43 · answer #5 · answered by ein 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear James,
Why would you not use another means of protection if you knew she got sick from the use of birth control? I don't understand why you would even have sex if you were that worried about her getting pregnant (?). She doesn't need to have a abortion, you need to bite your tongue and take care of your responsibilities. People like yourself frustrate me to no end! You're the sole provider so now you have to see what you can do to either get a better paying job or you need to get part time employment along with your full time job. You did this to yourself, now buck up! You're not a little boy anymore and mommy and daddy aren't go to fix it for you. Be a man and take care of your family.
2007-12-08 05:22:33 · answer #6 · answered by beamer 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Life throws you many surprises. Kids tend to be the biggest ones. Take this baby as a gift and cherish it.
I don't believe abortion is the answer while you've already started a family.
Perhaps you should consider a vasectomy down the road. If your woman keeps having abortions, in all likelihood she will end up with medical problems.
2007-12-08 05:18:57 · answer #7 · answered by FlyingScooter 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow. I feel for you-been there/done that. Rationalize with her-or try to. Point out that its just not being pregnant, but raising another child which incurs alot of expense that you cannot financially shoulder right now. It sounds cruel to say, but if you are already having stress/differences now, just imagine when the baby comes. You should have your say in it too. It sounds like you love your family and arent opposed to increasing it, but you know you cant handle it right now. Good luck to you.
Edited to add: Next time use a condom, and you wont have this worry!
2007-12-08 05:16:57 · answer #8 · answered by Sappy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
And just how did she get pregnant..imaculate conception?.......when she couldn't take the pill you should have used condoms....or kept your pants zipped, Toots.
After all if ya want to play in the puddles ya hafta wear rubbers....or risk getting wet.
Abortion...easy for a guy to say....too many can render her infertile...there is always a risk of infection and puncturing the uterine wall...a very dangerous thing...even by a skilled doctor...it's invasive but hey, it's her body, not yours so why shouldn't you whine, moan, and ***** about it since she obviously doesn't want to go thru a major surgical procedure with possible risks ..and why we're on the responsibility thing....she changed the plans? Deliberately? All by herself? She forced herself to ovulate at the right time and forced you to have unprotected sex with her....bah. Buck up and take responsibility Man...stop whining a little baby. You sound like an immature Wuss....
2007-12-08 05:16:39 · answer #9 · answered by The Original GarnetGlitter 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
What about your unborn child that is already alive and growing in your wife's womb. Don't you love that child?
What if your mother had decided to kill you, before you were born? Man, what are you thinking? You will be able to provide for the other child too. Go back to school, get another career, what ever you have to, to save the life of your unborn child.
2007-12-08 05:10:03 · answer #10 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Well Dont be mad shes pregnat. You are going to have a beautiful child soon and u wont regret it. If you're not ready then just say to her, " You know i love u and im going to love our child more than anything, but im not really ready for this. I mean i really want to keep our child but i am not going to be the one to take care of her all the time. "
Hope i helped. : )))
P.S. When u tell her dont get into a fight when telling her and dont say it harsh. Just be calm.
2007-12-08 05:09:49 · answer #11 · answered by losersarecool56 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋