Am I being unreasonable? Am I a jerk?

Question

I am currently living with my girlfriend. We've been together for quite a while, and I feel like I am getting the short end of the stick so to speak.

I work full time during the day and go to school in the early morning and some nights. I study when I can, but I still make time for her and I to go out and just have fun at least a time or two a week. She doesn't work, because she stays home and takes care of her 18 month old and I am fine with that.

However, am I being unreasonable to ask that the house be kept at least somewhat clean and that we don't have dishes rotting in the sink despite the fact that we have a dishwashing machine? Particularly if she doesn't work?

The place is a disaster area whenever I get home, and I eventually end up cleaning up because it becomes impossible not to step on or kick something when walking through the house. I do my own laundry because if I don't it doesn't get done and I take out the trash as well as care for the yard...

Am I being a jerk?

Answer 1

No, you are not being a jerk...she is being lazy though.
It's not unreasonable of you to want her to keep the house reasonably tidy (if not immaculate...damn near impossible to do that when there's a toddler around) when she's not working. That is her contribution to the household, and it doesn't sound like she's doing her fair share.
Being a homemaker is more than just taking care of the baby....it entails keeping up on the housework too. If nothing else, I would talk to her about the dishes in the sink..that could be unsanitary.

Answer 2

I just HAD to answer this, she kind of reminded me of myself except for back then my husband didn't work and my house was a mess, I didn't have a dishwasher but I did work and go to school and this was around the time my daughter was 5 months old. But before I used to work, we never had a stable place to stay but I still tried to clean as much as possible. I don't work right now but I do clean every day and it still looks like a mess because we have 1 a dog that gets in the trash daily and two the place is so freakin big that its endless chores, HOWEVER, I do the dishes every day and my husband still complains. So I almost wonder, does she attempt to clean something at least once daily or is she really just not cleaning?

Answer 3

OK, I am a stay at home mother of 3...i have 2 in school and a 3 year old at home with me, my husband is in the military...i don't see how a stay at home mother wouldn't have anytime to do anything like cleaning around the house....on the weekends when everyone is home it is nuts but i still can keep everything clean. When my older 2 were younger...the oldest was 1 1/2 when i had my second child...and i kept up with everything then too....no excuses are good enough...and it would be a sad thing to say that you couldn't do it because you were taking care of the baby...take it from me it can be done...

Answer 4

I think you already know that it is not unreasonable of you...your just frustrated and looking for some support and validation so here it is - no, you are not unreasonable. It really doesn't matter if she is hardly in the place all day or not. She should to be respectful when she is there. But, take heart, it doesn't sound personal. And, keep in mind that from the person you describe her to be, she sounds like she has a lot more problems than you do. Best of luck

Answer 5

If she doesn't have a job outside of the home, she should be able to maintain a clean house. I as a single mom raising four children worked full time, attended college and still maintained a clean house... My youngest two children were 14 months apart... laziness on her part... Taking advantage, Wow, life would have been a dream with her situation... I am sure many females will feel this way. No you are not being a jerk, she is being very lazy and pathetic. Ungrateful, in my opinion... God bless****

Answer 6

Not at all Honey....there is absolutely NO excuse for the home you two share to be in such a condition when your gal is there 24-7......and caring for an 18 month old is no excuse either...I raised 4 kids and at one time worked full time as well & my home was never in 'a state'....
...sit the lady down and tell her the situation as it stands is unfair to you, that if your job is to bring home the bacon, do the yard work and your own laundry then there is no reason she keep the home tidy since she is there all day...and tell her a woman who raised four kids on her own ( two are 23 months apart) while working full time as well says so! Good Luck!

Answer 7

absolutely not. in fact i applaud you for all the things you are doing and for your patience. I know how you feel when you come home and find the house a wreck after doing so much outside of the home. You should communicate how you feel maybe during a quiet time when the baby asleep don't do it when you come home from and are exhausted from the day's work. Because people pick up on the tone of voice and it may likely go into an argument. But communication is the key don't assume she understands. Some people are clueless to the obvious unless you tell them.

Answer 8

No, you are definitely getting the short end of the stick. You're out busting your a** and she's home chillin and watching Dr. Phil. You know babies...babies sleep. What's she doing during all the napping time? Nothing or Oprah is my guess. Get her up off her lazy a** and make her get sh*t done. She's taking you for a ride dude, and it's a free ride at that. If you're smart you'll put a stop to it now before it becomes even more of a problem cause it's obviously not going to go away on its own.

Answer 9

I don't think you are being a jerk.

Taking care of a toddler who's awake is a constant demand on one's attention and energy. (have you tried it alone, all day?)

I think if you are supporting the household that you could expect some exchange in the form of cleaning. ****, I'd love to live rent-free but life does not work like that. I am sure you have talked about it, but I'd say that the 2 of you should have a focused conversation on the demands, expectations, and contributions to the household that both of you make, and work out a way to have some balance to it.

The surest way to make sure you never get what you want here is to disrespect your girlfriend and imply her time is not worth as much as yours just because you work. But I do feel you have the place to ask for her contribution to the household.

Answer 10

I do not think you are being a jerk at all. While taking care of a baby is hard work, I'm not trying to say it isn't, she should be considerate of you and the house that you share. She is not pulling her weight at all. I would sit down with her and tell her that you need this to be more of a 50/50 relationship and she needs to accept responsibility for her end of whats required to upkeep an apartment. Just talk to her, maybe she doesn't realize it is a big deal to you, some of us in the world tend to be a little messier than others and just need to be reminded once in a while to straighten up! Good luck!