What do you think of this poem? First Draft, please read?

Question

What do you think of this poem? It doesn't have a title yet. Thank you for your time!


That little boy blue sits crying in the night
He cries “Daddy why?”
Beaten down and kicked around
Childhood of pain
Swore it wouldn’t be the same

Little girl sits scared in the night
She cries “Mommy why?”
Bitter words and angry tears
Childhood of pain
Swore wouldn’t be the same

They were young, fifteen at most
It seemed like the perfect escape
But was it love or was it lust?

Graduated and educated
Moved to a big town and married
They both escaped a childhood of pain
Swore it wouldn’t be the same

Some years down the road the time was right
Their daughter’s birth was a beautiful sight
She wouldn’t grow up with a childhood of pain
They swore it wouldn’t be the same

I was beaten down and kicked around
Bitter words and angry tears
I endured a childhood of pain
The bruises have faded and the tears have dried
The nightmares still remain
I can't let it be that way

Answer 1

If this was from your own personal experience, then a powerful statement and one that needs to be spoken.
I didn't understand the fifteen reference. Is this when it happened or when they met or what?
I would encourage to continue on and explore the reasons why this seems to self perpetuate.

Answer 2

Obviously born of very personal experiences, and in 40 plus years as a writer; I try to stay away from Rhyme; but you've obviously captured feelings that you might also wish to release.

Without strictly knowing your intent, beyond some inner therapy (which is a good thing) or plans to continue; even profit. I suggest you express; in whatever way suits you; comforts you; probably relates to others; and don't give it up

Steven Wolf

I suggest; with regard to any answers here; or outside of here; you take the best with the rest, and remain passionate if that equates to expressing it.

Answer 3

Its beautiful. It tells a story. And rhyming is beautiful. Rhyme is the mother of Song. Keep on.

Answer 4

wow, thats really good!!! I love the language in it, it is very dark but your word choice was beautiful!!!! Keep up the good work!