My sister was cheated on by her husband after 22 years of marriage and four children. Her husband had a one night stand and begged for forgiveness. She granted the forgiveness and then tried to stay in the marriage. She proceeded to sleep with several different men, bought some boobs, belly button piercing - every stereotypical thing you can imagine. Then, she started up with a guy who has been in a relationship with the same girl for over ten years. He is not married but lives with this girl. My sister is his woman on the side and she is convinced that he loves her deeply and really wants her but just can't leave the girlfriend. I am sick over this. The sister I used to look up to and admire has turned into a mess. Worse yet, we live in a small town and she is sleeping with the town cop so everyone knows her business. My brother in law has since filed for divorce because he couldn't take what little my sister was giving him and she was just using him for his money at the....
2007-12-08 04:01:09 · 33 answers · asked by Love Life 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
end anyway. So, my question is, am I wrong to have turned her out of my life? I am still polite to her when I see her but have no interest in being a part of this mess she calls her life. I forgave her for the first affair and the second but as she has gone on and continued this behavior, I cannot be a part of it. Am I wrong? I feel like I am watching a trainwreck whenever I am around her.
2007-12-08 04:03:10 · update #1
Tough love is hard. Good luck.
2007-12-08 04:29:02 · answer #1 · answered by The Voice of Reason 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Wow, it sounds like your sis is really self-destructing. I could see how the pain of being cheated on could have set her self-sabotaging behavior in motion. I'm sure you knew this too which is why you forgave her, and stood by her after her first two affairs. -Makes sense....
After standing by her for that, I can see how you would begin to lose respect for her, and to feel as if there was nothing you could do, and how her continued negative behavior became a serious turn-off to how you once felt for her.
What could/can you really do? She's a big-girl and she's making her own decisions.
I think you are making the right decision by limiting your interactions with her, keeping it polite, but pretty much staying out of it.
Stay on that path, if she questions you about it, point out the error of her ways, and tell her that once she decides to turn her life around, and to begin making wise decisions for herself that she can rekindle the relationship she once had with you.
Good luck!
2007-12-08 04:18:02 · answer #2 · answered by blujello 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I wouldn't say turn your back on her, but I would definitely evaluate everything that she ever asks me of in the future. I mean, if she ends up having financial troubles out of her behavior then don't offer or give any money. If she wants to talk or anything like that, have an open ear and give her the advice that she needs. Be honest with her. Don't judge her though. She is still your sister and you may need to call on each other in the future.
2007-12-08 04:06:21 · answer #3 · answered by No one 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I feel so sorry for your family but especially for the children. Everyone in life makes mistakes. I would let her know I am not happy with her life style but I still loved her as a sister. Tell her you won't support her or agree with her actions at this time but when she decides to start acting like a mother
then you will be there.
2007-12-08 04:09:32 · answer #4 · answered by Hope 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
She was hurt by her husband infidelity. She remained faithful and honest in the relationship and he gave that all up for a one night stand. She NEVER forgave him and that is why she is on a wild loose dangerous spiral.
She really need you now more than ever. You are her only strength. The skank that effed her husband and is with her lover destroyed her self esteem. Stand by her or at least convince her to talk to someone she can trust outside your little town of hoes. Your nieces and nephews will appreciate you for that.
2007-12-08 04:10:12 · answer #5 · answered by ♥♥JDub♥♥ 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Well a sister is still a sister and we all have different opinions on things wether we feel what she is doing is right or wrong it is up to her to change that or live with it. You should not let that side of things bother you and just get on with things as there may be things that you do that she doesnt agree with either. I dont think that we should judge people for there actions after all they are their actions not ours.
2007-12-08 04:07:33 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
god ...as u say its areal mess and it seems the marriage ended when the trust was broken first time and ur sis in an attempt to survive losing her mind and has gone on a rampage of marital distruction ....please dont turn ur back on her...looks like she needs some love...but not of the kind shes been seeking .marriages end even after many years its a mess but in long run is better for individuals to free themselves of the trap of marriage and mum,dad...sometimes a person just needs to find themselves ,but not to the cost of others...dont think this new man is right for her given hes not left his girl...so ur sis is gonna fall from great height soon ...be there for her shes gonna need u big time
2007-12-08 04:09:36 · answer #7 · answered by nelhel96 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
no,she brought this onto her...my mother always told me our greatest glory is in not in never falling,but in riseing everytime we fallif she wants her life to be like that fine she can get out of it her self..no one is forcing her to stay or act like that if she wants to be a mess for her entire life let her be...becuz if u try to help her or take her out of it whos gonna end up falling for it..YOU.....if she asks u for help just say i would really love to help u but why give people second chances they always end up doing it again and again or say if u really want advice live that mess u call a life....this is just another game of cat and mouse...her act wont work if she doesnt have someone as an audiance...shell eventually open up her eyes and realize shes wrong we all make mistakes and learn from them..its just sad she had to learn it the hard way..
2007-12-08 04:16:15 · answer #8 · answered by Gabby O 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sisters are the best relationship you can have...think about it deeply. they have been with you since birth they have always been there for you as a mother (if older) or child (if younger). they have taken the role of your mother or your child and whether or not you have problems with her life that's just what it is...her life, like it or not. she may not appreciate the life you're living but that's what sisters are for to always be there for you because your friends will turn on you but family should not. let her live her life as she wants, it's hers...just love her and be there for her.
2007-12-08 04:13:06 · answer #9 · answered by jan 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I would back off and give her some distance but don't shut her out completely. After all she is your sister and its not like you'll never see her again. Try to talk to her without judging her and listen to what she's saying. There's a reason why she's doing all of this. Chances are, no matter what you say, she's going to keep doing what she's doing. And when it all comes crashing down on her you should be there to support her, not criticize.
2007-12-08 04:07:42 · answer #10 · answered by Robin 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
it is complicated. i would personally not turn my back on her before i tried to help her maybe some theraphy. Thought i can see your point of view in this and i feel real sorry for you, i still think you should try and help her straighten out but odf course there is no worse person than the one that does not wish to see it so maybe she doesnt want to see that her life is a mess in which case you cant really do nothing.
hope that made sense and helped
2007-12-08 04:07:24 · answer #11 · answered by cutie09 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋