Do I give a damn ?
yes and more.
Am I your friend ?
yes and more.
When others close
and shut, your door.
Yes, yes
and more.
2007-12-08 02:47:06 · 9 answers · asked by Casey 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
nice, but i want more and yes more
LOL
2007-12-08 03:40:51 · answer #1 · answered by Delightful 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Can I be honest? This is really close to great. The only place I stumbled was S-3; 'close' and 'shut' are the same thing. I would find an attribute for the door to replace S-3 L-2.
Your use of repetition is cool. Your drum beat is simple and easy to follow along with. Your compact syntax, all very good. A star for you. TD
2007-12-08 05:30:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really like your poem, especially the meter and the questions. Questions engage the reader to think about an answer. One suggestion: instead of "close and shut," which mean essentially the same thing, maybe you could say, "close and lock" your door, which would emphasize the seriousness and loyalty of your friendship.
2007-12-08 05:35:52 · answer #3 · answered by Elaine P...is for Poetry 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
certainly, not a foul interest. the manhattan cases needs to be italicized nonetheless, or you're able to use a imprecise connection with "that basic paper" or something- same with massive. The dashes and dots are a brilliant no no whilst it includes grammar, or could I say getting it revealed, yet do not enable that end you (the suitable occasion may be the writings of Dickenson in poetry, an editor did away with all her dashes and it sent her into hiding.) With the way you used the dimensions and shape of words to punctuate you won't want them to style meter and bypass, seems okay to me, yet i in my view could eliminate the repeated dashes, think of e.e. cummings
2016-10-02 07:32:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all; as a Writer for more than 40 years; NO ONE should judge the expressions of another; on what might be a very personal statement. Kudos to you for sharing.
With no offense to you; I wonder if you are asking a question; not of us; beyond feedback; but TO the object/focus; of the piece?
On philosophical levels; very often when we "declare" we also "expect" and the Universe doesn't strictly work that way. Were you; in the focus and intent; of this piece; directed perhaps at someone specific; expecting them to respond in kind?
No matter all I've said; as someone with some obvious passion; general or not; you should NEVER give them up. "To deny them; is to risk losing them."
Steven Wolf
2007-12-08 04:42:54 · answer #5 · answered by DIY Doc 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋
damn friends
2007-12-08 02:56:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
DIY DOC has the measure of it I think.
2007-12-08 18:17:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
short and sweet i love it
2007-12-08 03:42:00 · answer #8 · answered by serendipidy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What is the question
2007-12-08 02:51:15 · answer #9 · answered by Daisy 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋