"The deceased requested no services"...this appears quite often now, in obituaries?

Question

How do you feel about this 'final' choice? given the importance of 'traditional' funeral services, in our present day culture?

After 15 responses . . .
I feel that - without some kind of 'service' - even a simple gathering to recognize the 'end' of one's life, away from a funeral home or facility - the living are denied an opportunity for "closure" (as Kiwi states)...
having a viewing of one's corpse is necessary for some folks' sense of closure, but this practice is one that I definitely feel should be chosen by the living, before death - and if this situation should be the desire of deceased? (no viewing) - it should be honored and implemented.

Our funeral practices seem to be evolving -

Answer 1

It appears that more and more people eshew the public displays of mourning - of which many times result in insincerity. Services are usually for the living not necessarily for the dead. And we, in the public, know not the details and whether there has been a blessing of sorts or what outside the public eye. The deceased OWES NOTHING to the public...only to his Higher Power.


The societal 'importance' has no place in a private decision of how one's remains will be 'dispatched' so to speak IMHO.

The deceased individual's desires are to be followed...that has always been the case and should remain so.

My lst cousin had made it clear he did not want a formal funeral, replete with minister, prayer, church etc...not because he wasn't religious [hee was] but because he believed death should be celebrated, not mourned....and he said he wanted a Memorial Service [no casket displayed, etc.] where friends and family would share HIS LIFE, not his death as a tribute.

And we did so, and it was lovely.

My mom insisted I have a chapel service for my Dad when he passed - this was for a man who did not attend services and only wanted a graveside military tribute. [he ended up getting both]

I wish to be cremated - graveside service for family and CLOSE friends only and my ashes spread in the Caribbean. That is my wish and I expect it to be carried out when the time comes.

If a person wants NO services of any kind, I believe it is their right. The living are not prohibited from offering up their private prayer and I see no 'blockage' or blasphemy if you will to God's word in this case. HE holds his own services! :-)

Answer 2

I personally wish my body to be donated, any parts of it that can be used in any way to benefit the living. The remains, if there are any, are to be cremated and scattered . There will be a celebration of my life, if the family wishes one. After I am dead I cannot impose my will on anyone, nor would I wish to.

I believe the final choice should be personal, and it should be discussed with the family or loved ones. At least they should know what the plans are, after all, a service is not for the deceased, it is for the living. A memorial of some kind or celebration helps with the grieving process and provides closure. No services is a personal choice. It depends on how the person feels about his life and whether or not he is comfortable with the thought of people staring at his body in the casket. It doesn't appeal to me at all, that is not how I want to be remembered, and I have been to a lot of funerals, and sometimes that picture supercedes in my memory, the images of them still alive. The ones I found most comforting were the celebrations of life, including a video of moments from the persons past, or a board of pictures of the person's life. In all of those cases, there was not a body present.

Answer 3

Dear Bull, The sanatana Dharma Mahavakyaas say as follows; 1 Aham Brahmaasmi ( I am the Brahman) 2.Tatvam Asi ( I am That ( Brahman). 3.Pragnaanam Brahman ( Purest Knowledge (prakrusta gnaanam ) is Brahmn. 4.Aum ityekaaksharam brahman (the single syllable AUM is Brahman) Also we daily recite '' Shivaaya Vishnu roopaaya, Shiva roopaya Vishnavey, Shivasya hridayam Visshnurvishnosvha hridayagum Shivah.'' , and, '' Vaasanaadvaasudeyvasyavaasitantey jagatrayam, Sarva bhoota nivaasosi Sri Vaasudeva namo stutey.'' In the 10th 11 th and 12 the centuries were the worst perid when Vedic people fought taking sides on Shiva and Vishnu. We have Shiva Panchayatanam, Vishnu Panchayatanam , ., Surya Panchayatanam, Ganapati Panchatanam, Shakti panchaayatanam etc etc. They PROVE THAT GOD IS ONE.AND YOU ARE AT LIBERTY TO WORSHIP IN THE FORM YOU LIKE MOST. When such is the Sanatana Dharma, this question .NOW, really astounds me. I will answer A SHAIVAITE IS ONE WHO TREATS A VAISHNAVITE HIS EQUAL. For most of the SHIVA KSHETRAS , Vishnu is Kshetra Paalaka, and, For most of the Vishnu Kshetras , SHIVA is Kshetra Palaka. Shiva puraanam and Vishnu puranam, if you or any body reads , all doubts disppear.

Answer 4

I think it's important to honour the wishes of the deceased. If no service or memorial is the preference, then I respect that. There are other ways to remember somebody without the need of the traditional funeral home or church service. I remember similar concerns many years ago when people were deciding for cremation instead of the usual burial process (some felt that the deceased should be buried, despite the request for cremation.)

Answer 5

I think the days of great, showy funerals are ending. It's expensive (the mortuary makes LOTS of money on people's grief), people don't see the need for public displays of grief and many who die don't like the idea of the showy embalming, "laying out" and having people stare at their corpse. It's not exactly interactive....

Personally, my instructions are to be cremated immediately with no embalming and in a container that is required by the state I live in...no casket..what's the point. I want no "service", no flowers, no music..just do it. My ashes will be spread at the low tide line at the beach in front of the house where we used to spend several weeks in the summer when the kids were younger.

If my family and friends want to say a few words or whatever, fine - whatever makes them feel good or relieves their grief. Then, those who are interested will go somewhere, drink some and recall better times...if they feel like it.

Death is just as much a part of life as living - and comes to all of us. I can't see throwing the family into debt by all the nonsense and a $5000.00 funeral. I have the money put away for my end-of-life and have left the name of the crematory who will take care of things for my family. They shouldn't have to make those decisions or worry about the money.

Some people find the traditional funeral comforting, with all the bells and whistles, but many more are beginning to see that it's not the way to go (no pun intended-HA!)

My mother did it this way. Her ashes are spread high in the Cascade Mountains. We gathered as a family, from all over the U.S., spread her ashes in her favorite place and planted 2 rosebushes. Everytime any of us visit that place, we bring another rosebush...There are currently 8 of them there and they are beautiful. Mother loved roses and grew the most beautiful ones. She would be happy to be surrounded with the tall, tall trees and roses in that place.

Answer 6

Alot of people are taking into consideration the fact that a funeral service (traditional) will cost their family/friends alot of money they may not have or be able to spare.

I personally plan to do the same thing. Do what you want with my body when I'm dead, I don't need it anymore. And as far as a "service" goes, I'd prefer for my friends and family to get together and celebrate the life I lived. Play the music I enjoyed, talk about the crazy things I did and the ways I may have had an effect on their lives.

The funeral service itsself is really pretty useless when you think about it. (except in terms of beginning the greiving process for the living)
I'm pretty sure I'll just donate my body to science so others can learn something. They'll send my ashes to my family when they're done with it.

Answer 7

I think the traditional service is becoming less important in today's culture. Many of the "younger" generation consider funerals somewhat morbid and want to have a more joyous memorial service without a casket there.

I'm of the opinion that funerals, memorials, graves, etc. are for the survivors, not for the deceased. I've told my children what I want -- body donated to research, cremation, and ??? -- but that it's really up to them to do what makes them happy. If they want to mummify me and build a giant pyramid, let them. Whatever they need to do because of their sorrow, or their financial state, or legal reasons, it's fine with me. I just wonder at people who are so emotionally wrapped up in what will happen to their dead body after they are gone. Why is that?

Answer 8

No service. I'd do that, except that it would be important for my immediate family to have a service to say goodbye.

I have told my husband, I want NO viewing. Cremate me and have my ashes there, along with pictures of me when I was alive. He always says okay, but then seems to forget that. Next time the subject comes up, he talks again about a casket and a viewing for me. It seems that it's important to him, to do things the way he sees as "the way it should be done" ... So, I have told my daughter, and she promised to make sure it happens the way I want it.

My cousin said no service. She never attended services for others, ever since her mother's. So, with no service, I felt kinda cheated. One day she was here, and then she wasn't here any more. Closure was missing.

Answer 9

I am my parents care giver and both of them have decided that upon their deaths that there be no services of any kind what so ever. All they want done is once they are pronounced deceased, their body is taken to the crematory to be cremated, then I am to be called to pick up the ashes and do as I want with the ashes. Of course their death announcement will go be in the paper in the obituary. If they had their way it would not even be put in the paper. They have even requested to me that I tell no one of their death when they pass on.

They have everything all paid for in full.

My parents look at it this way, if people want to see them, they need to see them now while they can enjoy the visit. Don't wait until they pass and then go look at them in the casket.

I feel like what ever the persons last wishes are, the one that is in charge of it should carry out that persons last wishes in full.


When it is my time, I want the same thing as they do.

Answer 10

The individuals choice is Paramount and should be respected
I will be cremated and my wife will dispose of the ashes as she see s fit, cos I trust her
A short service then to the local Pub, drink a few bevies, talk a bit of sh*t and remember the good things I did, the crazy things and even the stupid things(of which there are a few) Because all these things make up who I am

Answer 11

With the cost of funeral services these days, I say just put me in a cardboard box and put me in the oven. What do I care, I'm not there. and I would rather people if anybody cares to remember me as I was, not as I ended up, which of course is dead. Do not waste the money.