Separating between sex and love?

Question

Men, please explain this to me. I am engaged to a great guy that i love. Our sex life is GREAT. However i am getting concerned that i won't be enough for him as years go by. I have always had a very high sex drive (i have been married before) and am not expecting it to change. Last night i went to a christmas party at work and i was talking to some of my male coworkers who were getting a bit tipsy. After years of marriage they all agreed that they would prefer to separate love from sex, that they would prefer having sex with multiple partners but still be married to their wifes who they love. They told me most men are like that

How is this possible? How can men have sex with someone they are sexually attracted to and at the same time dearly loving their wifes? Doesn't it affect their feelings for their wifes when they sleep with other women???

I am not trying to be judgemental and saying that this is wrong. I simply want to understand this better...

ok, i want to clarify something. My main concern about my man possibly having sex with other women is that he could possibly fall in love with them or want to have sex with them more than with me. From a woman's perspective this makes sense. If a woman would have sex with an attractive fun guy, several times, it is likely that she would develop deep feelings for him. This , i think, is the basic root of WHY women resent the thought of their men having sex with other women. If i could get convinced that this wouldn't happen, i.e. my man developing feelings for another sexual partner, i may not be as hard against it. Get my point?

Answer 1

Women seem to have this idea that a man will only want them after they marry. This just isn't true. Men like the challenge of the hunt and always have. It is just our nature. It doesn't mean we love our wives any less and most of us would never want to leave our wives. Men can have sex and not have many emotions involved. Remember this little slogan: "Love lasts; sex washes off". Never equate love with sex when a man is involved.

Talk to your man, explain you have a concern but do not use the "cheat" word. Explain if he ever does want to have another woman just for sex to talk to you about it first. This may sound crazy in your eyes now but it can eliminate a lot of problems later on. also please read some of the information I am giving you here. It may help you as well. http://inkaboutit.homestead.com/affairs.html
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Just keep an open mind always.

ADDITIONAL: If you keep your love and romance open for him and show him you love him no matter what, he will most likely stay in love with you. You have to make sure he enjoys sex with you all the time. He may develope an attachment to some other woman but it will not be serious in the end. At least you know what he is doing and there is no hiding it from you. If you are open and accept it then he will stay with you. Men have always had mistresses and in times past women were happy because there was less opportunity for them to get pregnant and have another child to care for. Think of the advantages for you. Every thing will be fine IF you keep an open mind and an open love for him.

Answer 2

Everyone is different and certain types of people tend to attract the same type of people in their social circles. So their information was biased. Not all men are like that and if you don't trust in your man because of what another person tells you, or really for any reason at all, you need to have a long talk with him. Tell him what was said and that you are worried about it, it's better to be honest and open about this.

You are engaged to this man, so in reality you should think of him as your other half. You wouldn't withhold your own feelings from yourself right? Not only that, but when you marry you need to marry someone you regard as kingly. That's where the phrase,"better half," comes into play.

You cannot have a complete relationship to anyone if you aren't honest and open with your feelings. You cannot have a complete relationship if you can't trust or are afraid to trust.

That is my personal experience on the matter. I know it's very hard to draw a line in the sand, but you need to do this before you make the decision of becoming his wife or having sex with him. That's why so many marriages end up badly and so many children haven't both parents.

I don't know of a guy who doesn't have a high sex drive, that's normal. But when it comes to men who are cheaters, well that's different. Sure there are a lot of those, just like there are a lot of women who do it also. Doesn't mean all men are like that. It's normal for men to have a searching eye. However, it's best to find a man who only has eyes for you.

Ask him point blank about this, ask him how he feels, tell him how you feel. Then go from there, chances are that he isn't like that. Another point of advice is making a list of things that are important to you and discuss them. Sounds to me like you really need to investigate him a wee bit more.

I'm not being mean, it's easy to read things as hateful because there's no tone of voice in here. I care, I really do and that's what I want you to know.

I've been used before, I've been cheated on, I've been lied to, and I've been judged as much as anyone could judge me. If you're in a relationship and you are frustrated with the person, annoyed, confused, resentful, and/or feel not good enough, then he's not the person for you. But if you have this feeling of,"I'm complete and happy," when you are with him than you've made a perfect choice. I hope that's how you feel because love is the most complex and thrilling thing imaginable. My husband means the world to me, I wish the same thing or you. Just sit him down tonight and have a heart to heart.

Best of luck,
Randi

P.S.
My husband wouldn't, but for this question I put myself in this position...

If my husband wanted other women and I allowed him too have sex with them. My conclusion was this, though he loves me he could start to develop feelings for the other woman/women. Sex is personal, no matter how you look at it. A bonding, close time between two people (or more as it is more common nowadays). That and I would develop body insecurities,"What if my body doesn't make him want me anymore? Maybe it's my ugly body or something and the other woman/women have what he wants?" Envy and jealousy would ensue and that would be the realization that the relationship had already ended, I was just so attached to him emotionally that I was in denial.

Answer 3

Biological differences between Men and Women (not all are same,too sweeping a statement) but the basics are drive and emotion,Men seperate those,women dont (as a general rule)........Men can love a woman and express that sexually too,but they can seperate the sex act into just that "a sex act"....Women tend to keep both as a single drive.........not all men think or feel in the "norm" of seperating these emotions,and lust is often more the culprit than any need to "betray" their partner,indeed they probably do not view it as betrayal the way women do !.
It may be just animal/mammal behaviour.It may be that basic urge is a primordial biologic compulsion.
No amount of trying to explain a blokes point of view will make this any easier for a women to understand,because your understanding is that the two are one and rightly so for you.
A man can either make love or have sex (does that make it easier to comprehend) Some blokes never make love and just have sex and some only make love and never have sex,but most WANT(need) to do both !

Answer 4

This has been a hot topic with me for quite some time. I believe there is a stark difference between sex and love. One is emotional and the other is physical. They can be used in conjunction with each other or separately. I have loved women and not had sex with them and I have had sex with women and not loved them. Most people package these two things together and that is more traditional and normal. What I am seeing is that these days, with the rise in swinging relationships, more people are separating them. They feel that love is an emotional bond that you have with someone, and that you can treat sex as something fun that both of you can share. These couples have to be secure in their feelings for one another and not harbor any jealousy in regards to their physical contact with other people. I understand, and feel I would be a person capable of having a swinging relationship. The thing is to make sure that both of you are on the same page as to your expectations of the marriage, and exactly what it will entail.

Answer 5

Men are men for that matter.
They can be like this.
For some people sex and love is entirely different.
Some men have sex for variety entertainment.
Only few show real love to their partners.
That is why men and women are very different in their nature and body structure.
A woman can have sex 20 times a day as proved by an American scientist long back.
Whether a man can do this. Never. Don't worry. Be happy. Enjoy everyday given to you by mother nature without thinking too much.

Answer 6

Love is liking to be with some one, gives you an inner warmth, a good feeling of satisfaction,
sex is an urge, to have sex, its a driving force that makes you want to get rid of a pent up feeling, if a man wants to have sex ,with his mate and she is too busy or dosen,t feel like it, after a while he will start to find it some where else, keep it spontaneous, not like oh its 8 o'clock time for sex, do it in the bath room, in a car, send the kids to a movie,

Answer 7

Men do love looking around (they are visual beings). It's like window shopping to them!!! BUT we must remember that along with marriage comes respect and trust for each other and REALLY, if you respect your spouse, you would not risk breaking that trust and hurting her/him just for a few minutes of pleasure no matter how great the temptation. We ARE after all humans, we can fantasize but we can control ourselves NOT to behave like some primitive animals (by sleeping with any Tom, Dick or Harry)!!!
Communication is the glue that keeps marriage and families together. Sharing your inner most thoughts with each other will bring you closer (if necessary, play out your fantasies with each other!!!)... Role playing will really spice things up!! Aside from all the above, getting sexually transmitted diseases, HIV and AIDS will reign in your greatest temptations cos you would not want to risk passing all these to your spouse right???

Answer 8

The reason, I feel that it is like that. is because ... Having Sex. is just that, it is sex, with out love. There fore when they are with other woman, they can get their rocks off in ways that they wouldn't be able to do with their wifes because they love their wives.
So they make love with their wives, which is so much different then just having sex with some fling.
I prefer to make love over just sex. because the feelings that go with it are intense and real. Sex, you don't get that.
Other woman don't have the same connection, and they know that it is just a moment that won't mean anything to either one the next day. other then just that.. Having Sex. It is kinda selfish if you ask me, and its not right. But it is what it is.

Answer 9

This is Opinion Only Men and women look at LOVE differently. To most men that I know(myself included) love is when you care about some one to the point that you would sacrifice your life for them. To most women that I know it boils down to security. I mean they seem to think that love is a man taking care of them for the rest of there lives. Do you notice that neither statement mentions sex. For women it seems as if fear plays a major part in the one partner scenario. For men having one woman that they would give their life for does not mean one sex partner for life. PS I know that I will be blasted for saying this but I think it is time it was said.

Answer 10

They were being honest. Biologically, men are not monogamous. Society sets up certain group values and that is what keeps it going. It is financially feasible for men to stay with one woman in our society. It is not a "natural" thing. While many men are content to stay within society's guidelines... as most women are... it is not the same for both sexes. It's not bad or good...just different. Good luck and best wishes!