To all previously 12 year olds. Does it ever end?

Question

My 12 year old can be so moody. I "never" understand anything. She argues about everything. I "never" buy her anything good, ie video games, etc. She is never happy with any decision. Please tell me this will pass.

Answer 1

I discovered that I too became an idiot when my daughter turned 12. I couldn't do anything right. I am now slightly below average and she is 12 years older (24). I hope before I die I get back to normal... :o)

Answer 2

Simply put...12 year olds ultimately seek PEER respect rather than parental support (IE what they wanted up until about ages 10-11)...but, as they don't realize this yet (or know how to succeed at it)...they often try to convince themselves buying more things will make them happier and/or more popular and keep on asking for more and more figuring it will eventually work (and complaining as it doesn't).

I'd say get your 12 year old into clubs with other kids, give them more privilages far as time to hang out with peers, sleep-overs, etc. ....once they have a teenage-style life planned out for them they'll stop begging for "parental back-up gifts"

Answer 3

Yeah it does pass......and will pass faster if you outsmart her. It is a combination of hormones, peer pressure, learning how to push your buttons, thinking adults are stupid, and being ungrateful. Dont feel bad or unique most teens and tweens act the same way.

Going around in circles with her will give her much satisfaction, and you a headache. Besides it is not your job to match verbal wits with a 12 year old. SHE IS A VERY YOUNG KID AND NOT 10 YEARS AGO DID NOT KNOW HOW TO WIPE HER ***. She is not running anything except her mouth. God help you when she is 16-17.

You have to be calm and assertive. Put on an Ipod with headsets and tune her out. What is she going to do? fuss with herself? Show her she is not running your house, telling her is not working. You have to tune her out when she gets into her little moods to be defiante. You are the adult and you ultimately make all the decisions for her. She can whine all she wants to but those are the cold hard facts.

Wait until she is really calm and in a great mood and tell her very calmly and in a very happy tone that her constant complaining and being disrepsectful is not making you want to rush to the store to buy her anything. Also if she wants something that bad......SHE CAN EARN IT!!! Be fair make her a list of chores and pay her when they are done correctly and to your approval. If she refuses then she only has herself to blame for not wanting to work for what she wants. As a matter of fact.....make a points system and everytime she goes off into one of her rants.......take away points. If she has enough points by the end of the week.....take her out for a treat......my daughter responds to Cold Stone..............hell I would shut my smart *** mouth down for some Cold Stone Ice Cream!!!

Answer 4

Mark Twain said - "When I was 18, my father didn't know a darned thing. By the time I was 25, I was amazed how much he'd learned."

OTOH, a co-worker was father of 2 boys and a girl. He said, "raising teenage boys is OK. They respond to physical threats. The girl follows absolutely no logic and I can't tell her what to do..."

I think she's reaching the age where she's ready to spread out and go her own way. In earlier ages, they'd be getting married by 14 or 15, and working their own farm of fishing boat and having kids by 16.
So what she's doing is trying different life strategies. It's an extension of the childhood mind games. She's practicing on you (subconsciously) what she has to do to get her way. What pushes mom's buttons and gets her to do what I want? Telling her she doesn't love me? She doesn't give me enough stuff? She can't do anything right? Yelling, screaming, tantrums, threats, whining?

One psychologist I read suggested that adolescent behavious is the same sort of thing as the mother bird pushing the fledglings out of the nest - what better way to encourage them to get out on their own, than their hormones telling them that their parents are wrong and an embarrassment.

My suggestion is don't let it push you buttons, stay calm; but don't change your mind on anything either and don't take excessive behaviour. Understand it's a phase. Be a reliable part of her life, and in the future she'll understand.

Answer 5

My daughter went through that at 12 as well....what a year that was (I have the grey hair to prove it...LOL). She is almost 14 now and a lot more even tempered, but I suspect it will happen again just because of hormones! I just tried not to get into screaming matches with her and just tuned out her complaints about not buying her stuff. This stage will pass and one day the nice daughter you know is in there will re-emerge.

Answer 6

yes, this will definitely pass - may take a few years though (usually they get better when they're about 16). Till then - just be patient and tolerant (which is better for yourself than pulling your hair out over every little incident) but firmly make her stick to a few ground rules, such as no disrespectful language, no unexplained absence, nothing that physically harms her or destroys your home. And keep the lines of communication open, that's the most important part.
I know that's easy to write but hard to live through... very best of luck to you.

Answer 7

Yes it will pass I know two people that are like that but thankfully it is dissaperring. But also get ready because if she isn't already in Middle School, when she gets in it wll be terrible. I am having the worst time in there, I get very stressed by only school and not seeing my mom and my friends are mad at me because I am not being myself (cause im stressed) but now I feel all alone but we are good friends so it will work out. Also if your child is "popular" that is even worse in conflicts.

Answer 8

It will if you lay down the law, smack her smart mouth, etc. Tell her if she wants the "good" things, she can start babysitting, mowing lawns, shoveling snow for older people, etc. You can also start taking her to visit homeless kids, sick kids, etc. Me growing up in the circumstances I did, knew better than to complain about stupid things like that. We were poor because my dad was sick a lot, and we were lucky we didn't starve. My brother is DD, and not only were we limited on food, mom had to fight her way around my dad's special diet, and my brother's special diet. My other brother and I were happy just to get a candy bar once in a blue moon.

Answer 9

Well I have 7 children, Ages 20,17,16,12,10,3,2.... and My 20 year old who is now MARRIED and lives in his own home, with his family..... STILL acts that way! My 17 and 16 y/o are EVEN WORSE...the only ones that doesn't whine,whimper moan and complain are the babies!
I have learned to just ignore then.... Whenever something comes up that they feel they need to complain about I say to them "And this too shall soon pass" And they walk away.... When things come to that point they already know... no one is listening to the complaints but themselves!

Answer 10

she's in middle school. it will probably decrease (but not be eliminated) once she enters high school because with all the stress and homework and projects she won't have time to yell at you. she'll have plenty of things to occupy her time.

right now i would suggest just getting her out of the house. as bad as that sounds, it always works for me. a few hours hanging out with my friends and not being around my family, and i'll be fine for like a week. sometimes living with people can just be too much....familiarity breeds contempt. give her opportunity to miss you.