Am i pregnant and unresonable?

Question

Our cat died. My husband had the cat for one year(the cat was 2). i have known the cat for 2 months because i only lived here for 2 months.
I love the cat, i cried when he died . My husband had/having a breakdown... something so innocent dying...etc. We are not religious but he doesnt
believe in anything after this, while i do, i think the kitty is still with us and so on. I have had to deal with my moms cancer
and a granparent dying all b4 i was 18, so i am more prepared to accept death then he is. But he cries all the time, he drove for 2 hours
with the neighbor ( it was her cat at first) to get some photos of the cat from someone that had them on a cell phone. He ordered
books about the afterlife etc etc etc. This is all fine, except for, he is always at work, or at law school, when he is home, its
all about the cat, look up some headstones etc etc etc. I am ok with him crying, dealing with this and so on, but i am not ok with the
fact that i am pregnant, first time around, and quite frankly i feel lonely. I am tired of being the stronger party. I want him to be the man.
He wont even have sex for 40d/40n . He is going to drive 2 hours to the pet cemetary tomorrow and wake up at 530am to do it.
I am frustrated. I think he doesnt even know how far along i am, i feel he is emotionally not connected to me, but more connected to the cat.
I can understand grieving a loss of a pet, but i am f. pregnant and i have a cold, and i cant take any cold meds. It has been 10 days
sence the cat died, i have been sick for the past 3 and this is really when i started getting annoyed, instead of staying home with me
making me some tea, or watching a movie with me, he drove two hours for cat photos.

Am i just being a pregnant b i t c h? i dont want to come off that way and i will adjust if it is the case, but i dont think i am being
unresonable. I have a lot of understanding and support for him, but how can he possibly understand what i am going through ... he cant.. and
he is not even being there for me.

and the sex thing really angered me, because i was not horny for like the past 8 weeks at all but still put out, and actually now at 10 weeks i am finally getting some sex drive back.

He is a cancer, and i know alot of people dont believe in astrology but he is THAT emotional. I think he will cry when i deliver and i will be like, "thats nice hi baby"

Aside from tylenol and benadryl the selection is limited. . cant have nyquil or dayquil (which is what i want)

wow, in his defense, that emotional side of him is the one that makes him bring me flowers and makes him be romantic and makes him plan little trips for us and be my fuzzy teddy bear. I just didnt want to call him out if i was flat out wrong. Its really hard to gauge what is pregnancy hormones and what is real.

Law school student is a good thing in my book.

He is an RN for work- so he KNOWS what sup with pregnancy.. he simply doesnt want to have sex for 40d and 40 nights after the cats death to like honor the cat or something. Ok, i re read that and yes it sounds like he is being an idiot. We were doing it daily b4 this. grrrr, i donr feel warm and fuzzy inside, i think if he had some sex with me i would let him keep crying about it and calm down. i am absolutley not used to not doing it. I dont feel super hot when preggers and every time he would initiate sex it WOULD make me happy

Answer 1

maybe he's pregnant? lol sorry. I just laughed. My cat died a week after I found out I was pregnant 4 years ago. I cried that day, and was upset. But I moved on. Never took it that far. Oh my. Maybe try stopping him in his tracks and tell him what's wrong, or how you've been feeling? Seems he's very "in touch" with his "emotional" side. ANd even not pregnant that would get on my nerves too.



Oh and you CAN take cold meds while pregnant. Just so you know.

You can take Tylenol cold or Tylenol allergy. When I was pregnant they only made it with pesudopedrine(spelling) But it's only sold from behind the counter now. That's also the only thing that clears my sinuses. I took it the entire time I was pregnant. Doctor said that was just fine, and my daughter turned out just perfectly healthy too.



Also, my husband and I are both cancers and neither one of us are that sensitive. Now I do agree, with cancers, especially men, that are cancers are a bit more "sensitive" I've never met one to that extreme. While feelings and being sensitive is nice.. to a point. There is still a need for a man to be a MAN and act like he actually has "balls."

Answer 2

Your husband obviously forms strong attachments for the 'people' in his life that he loves. (Yes, cats are people too.) So, he probably has a very strong emotional attachment for you and will have for the baby you are having together.

Men can have some very strong emotions when their wives are pregnant. It may not be that he was so attached to the cat. Since he is an RN and has to deal with losing patients maybe he is reacting to the idea of losing anyone he cares about. Thinking about how he'd feel about losing you or the baby since he knows there are risks in pregnancy or delivery. He may not want to say this to you because he doesn't want to upset you.

Try being patient and supportive for a while longer. Over the next few months you will be having some dramatic ups and downs emotionally and he sounds like the kind of man who will be able to be understanding when you are sobbing hysterically in front of the mirror because you have gained 30 pounds or when you are screaming obscenities at the top of your lungs because there's no more ice cream left and you just have to have some right now.

Hope you have a healthy baby and easy delivery.

Answer 3

He is controlling the things he can emotionally.That is not an excuse it is fact.
If this is a first baby he can throw all his fear of being a parent, and the helplessness he feels over not being able to make you all better. He can do things to resolve the death of the cat. make arrangements etc. he can't control what is happening to you.
let him know he doesn't have to fix everything just listen and let you know that you are more important in his life than the cat. the sex thing, a lot of men think they will hurt you or the baby even after the Dr says its OK, they see us as fragile and sometimes get emotional erectile dysfunction during their sweeties pregnancy because they can't shake the fear.
You are not being over emotional. The comunication break down can get reallly big and cause a lot of problems for you both. You do need to find a loving non threatening way to express your feelings to him.

Answer 4

I think you are being very reasonable. My son had a hamster that died last week. I loved the little darling and broke my heart when it died but I believe it lives on in another life. Life goes on and its the living you have to care about.Maybe he has never dealt with death before and it can be a shock but tell him how you feel. You must be feeling lonely and confused and there is nothing wrong with wanting to be looked after now and again.The cat is in Gods hands now and it is alright to want to know about the next life but he can't help the cat now but he can help you so just tell him how you feel.You are not being a *****. You seem pretty normal to me and I can understand how you feel. I don't blame you for feeling annoyed but I truthfully don't think he understands and is not being like this on purpose. I hope you get things sorted and good luck. You seem like a lovely person to me and it is horrible when someone doesn't understand you and then you end up questioning your own judgement. I hope all goes well and have a lovely Christmas. ( hopefully!)

Answer 5

our emotions are always crazy when we are pregnant, but also he is not used to loss and maybe taking it hard. Just sit down and talk to him. Dont yell just calmly tell him you need to talk. Tell him how you feel and then talk about the baby...he needs to realize that all this stress is NOT good for you, and that you understand that he loved the cat but there is a little 1 growing inside you that needs his attention now. Give him time to realize the cat is gone, and not coming back. Some people just take longer to get over loss of a loved one. Congrats on the bundle of joy and good luck!!

Answer 6

wow what a bastard no offence. you better make yourself heard and soon. isnt it really dangerous to have a cold when you're pregnant? you really need to have a serious talk to him and ask him whats more important to him, his wife and his babys health or his dead cat? i feel for you, i can only imagine how frustrated you must be. you need to be honest with him and tell it like it is. tell him how you feel, that you feel neglected and lonely and you feel that he's being selfish and not the man you expecte/want him to be.

it's your first pregnancy and you should both be enjoying it. ask him, does he really wanna think back to it and regret it so much? because he will regret it.

also, on the other hand, maybe this is his way of coping with you being pregnant. i think some men get scared and don't know how to react. you two need to talk and get closer somehow.

good luck with your pregnancy and everything :)

Answer 7

On a different note- you can take vicks formula 44. or any decongestants that have only ( chlorpheniramine) its found in (Chlor-Trimenton) or any cough medicine with dextromethorphan it is found in (Robitussin, Vicks Formula 44)


But I don't that you are being unreasonable. Butif he is so emotional normally it just might take more time for him. And if you guys were having sex every night up to this point I don't think that he will be able to go 40 days and nights with out it!

Good luck

Answer 8

your not unreasonable, your hormones are all over the place and yes you have a right to be angry, this man just doesnt realise whats ahead of him and he is burying his head in the sand so as not to have to deal with it. Let this (man) do some talking to you. You are right when you say that a man can never know what you are feeling now, of course not! he's a man and will never feel what you feel. But tell him how you feel, this little life belong to both of you growing inside of you, getting nourishment from everything you can consume, this little bundle of joy who will no doubt give you times of great joy and also great worry when she/he comes into the world. You have a lot to deal with, the responsibility for two lives as well as trying to be the strong one for your husband. tell your husband your feeling a little hurt and on your own, and tell him its not stupid to feel that way, we can be surrounded by people and yet be so alone. you need to focus on whats important for you, and thats you and the baby, what you feel, the baby feels, all this whats going on is causing you too much stress and this you need to tell your husband too. Whats happening to you is real, it aint no drama, your hubby needs to realise this, so tell him!! you need loving and lots of warmth and security while giving this little angel the chance to grow within you and finally bringing her/him into the world surrounded by people who love her/him and who love each other dearly. Good luck! and Congratulations!!!

Answer 9

lol wow take a deep breath woman before you murder someone. if you think you got some sex drive back now wait til your farther in your 2nd tri. lol poor guy dosent know hes doomed.

anyway! i dont think your being..lets say hormonal. you where very understanding and their to help him in his time of need. he is just getting a little bit carried away by this. its like hes using the cats death for another way to express some other pent up emotions. you need to remember its not always what you say but how you say it. being pregnant tends to make one forget that little fact. lol i get told it allll the time now. its like well im hormonal and if you want me to play games it aint gonna happen, i have other problems to deal with. you need to sit him down and talk to him about how your feeling. dont hold back anything. but be loving and careing and let him see how lonely you feel right now. it might just be a slap in the face to him. yes he lost his cat and its like losing a loved one. but he has other major priorities to deal with. he needs to grieve and start the transistion back into his life. let him go to the cemetary but tell him that has to be the end of things like that. you dont want to be cold but it is very very ridclous when he has a child on the way. to be freaking out over the cat. he should be freaking out about you having a cold and you being left home alone. he should be wanteing to protect and pamper you above all else. not run after ghosts. if he wont listen to you then perhaps he should go to someone to talk to for a few weeks to help him cope with this if it really hurt him that bad. anyway just know that your justifed in this but you need to remember how you say it is just as important in what you say. best of luck and congrats!

Answer 10

Split up with him, and give him some peace and quiet. If you really have any feelings for him, then do the honourable thing. He's gone off because you are totally selfish, and he's a stupid kid at heart.
Put the kid up for adoption, and go your own ways, i feel sorry for any kid that has to be raised by either of you. It's probably got a better chance being raised by some hicks in Tenisee