how much of my husbands earnings should i as a wife have access to ?

Question

I am an army spouse. and my husband doesnt talk money at all with me. I am a responsible , TRUSTWORTHY person. since he has been in the service he sets aside a small percentage of money to place in the joint account, but its hardly enough to cover the bills.. he is always going out with his friends spending money, and i am stuck at home trying to save money by not always going out, and using coupons or not buying things when i dont have to. i am so much more conservitive then he is.. and i dont waste anything.. my hubby is the complete opposite, when it comes to sharing he is horrible with it. matter of fact he uses things like money grows on trees and throws things out before they are even gone.

we're in a foreign country, and i have been trying to get a job.. but jobs are limited when there are so many families here competing for them.. and we have only been here a short time as well.

Answer 1

ZERO. Why don't you contribute and go make your own money? He's already giving you stuff: Free rent, free health insurance, etc...

Too many women want to just consume and not contribute. It is sickening.

Answer 2

Lots of issues going on here. The first is this- did both of you go into this marriage with the understanding that he'd work and you'd stay home? This will affect your family's income.

Second, I think the two of you have different priorities. If talking about them isn't working, then get some counseling. You need some individual counseling to help you cope with your negative situation. And the two of you need some marriage skills- counseling and budgeting.

I disregard the wackos who give you their opinion about gold-digging women or how men deserve to do what they want. This latter thing may be a wrinkle from your husband's military mentality. "If I've got more rank than you, then we do what *I* say." And he seems to see things differently from you, perhaps because he earns money and you don't. This takes us back to the first paragraph.

Without being too businesslike with regards to a very personal thing like marriage, it seems as though you two have accepted a situation where he earns money and you care for the house. If this isn't an equal set-up, you need to talk. Being his military dependent doesn't make you his marital inferior. But it does create a situation where each side has different views of where the money should go.

Objectively, you should be able to say, "I need this many dollars each month to pay bills." And he should make sure that any discretionary money gets divided so you're happy with the division. Few people in the military live opulently, so this discretionary money might be limited. Even more reason to share it equitably. He's entitled to a bit of relaxation, and so are you. Unequal distribution creates a feeling that won't get better with time.

I doubt it's really about him "always" going out and you "always" stuck at home. But if your perception is such that your situation feels unfair, you've gotta resolve it. Not here, where anonymous people tell you their half-baked opinions, but with your husband. And if it takes a counselor to help yo'u resolve it, that's what it'll take.

Good luck!

Answer 3

I think you should have access to enough to pat all the bills. I would sit down with him show him the bill and let him see how hard it is for you to keep them paid with so little money. The next thing I would do is just stop paying a bill like the cable or his cell phone just choose one and let it get turn off, then when he ask what happen just remind him that you had to choose to buy grocery over his cell phone or You had to keep the lights on over his cable. I may take a time or two but he will soon get the point.

Answer 4

I am a man. I never understood or will ever understand how in a marriage it becomes "my money" and "our money".

The way I see it, everything is and - SHOULD - be on the table. I have an excellent job and so does my wife and we have wonderful kids, mortgage, dog and the whole works.

But running the household is - it always should be - both our responsibility. If one of us lose our jobs (God forbid) or fall ill (God forbid again..... poor Him) then the other one will pick up the slack. That's the path to nirvana and eternal marital bliss.

Call me stupid if you will, we both bring the loot stick 'em in the pot and squander it to our heart's content as if we are a drunken sailor on shore leave. We have never had an argument on the financial front but we do have our ups and downs in other areas.

As you see, you ought to get yourself a job. Talk to your husband. You both have an equal footing and stand firm on level playing field. Get that out of the way then you can argue with him about other things.

Answer 5

I think it is reasonable for you to have a certain amount of money over and above the normal household budget for emergencies but I feel you should have access to the money he earns in order to pay for the food and to pay the bills. As you said, you are sensible with the money and if you are then it isn't like you are going to go on a shopping spree or anything. I think he should be able to have a bit of money for him to have fun with as should you but if he is a spend thrift and that leaves the household short and bills don't get paid or there isn't enough for food then that is a real problem.

It is easy for people to say "Go out and get a job" but that isn't always the solution. I myself rely on my husband's wage to pay for mortgage and bills and to buy groceries and I am not working. Well that is to say, I am not getting paid to work. I am a maid, chauffeur, doctor, chef and negotiator. I stay at home to look after our 4 children ranging from 9 to 7 months.

I truly hope you are able to talk to your husband about this and come to some sort of agreement. Good luck!

Answer 6

Have you told him this? It seems to me he should be the first person you go to for this.

I think that as a wife you should have access to everything he earns...note I said access, not spend everything he has.

If there's something you need but are not buying because you can't afford it, and he's wasting money going out, then you need to have a chat.

If he's adamant about placing you on a budget, tell him what you need to survive and pay the bills. And have him put that into the account.

Answer 7

Hey, I am going to be honest with you. I have had an issue with this. To the military the soldier is their priority and the spouse is really a nobody. All he has to give you is $760.20 kids or no kids. It does not even matter how many kids you have, that is all he has to give you. So, good luck and just talk to him, if you do not have communication you have nothing.

Answer 8

they don't seem to be. additionally what you could mine out of the Koran with reference to the rights of girls human beings is often negated via different verses interior the Koran and the hadiths, (all religious texts are like that, ambiguous). you could p.c.. and decide the way you prefer to handle women human beings as you will and totally justify it with verses from the Koran. the main substantial venture with what you're speaking approximately is that maximum Islamic states and cultures use the destructive interpretations and decrease women human beings to rightless chattels. And it can not basically be a cultural element simply by fact this physique of recommendations to ladies human beings is considered everywhere in the Islamic international from Albania to Indonesia, so those attitudes could be rooted in some thing that hyperlinks all of those cultures: and that's Islam. in actuality what it boils right down to is that it'd desire to be a powerful thought on paper, yet in prepare it stinks.

Answer 9

Do you have a job? If not, why do you think you deserve to go out? He works for his money while it sounds like you don't do anything to contribute to the household income. You say he hardly covers the bills, but the bills are covered. Fun things are something he gets because he works. You don't deserve to go out unless you work. Grow up.

Answer 10

Get a job yourself! I work part time and have access to all my man's money but I only take a certain amount each week.