Should I leave my best friend alone... because her mom told me to?

Question

My friend, who a week ago I would've called my best friend, hasn't spoken to me in 5 days. She'd been staying with my husband and me off and on for the past few months bc she's been in a bad living situation. I have a spine disease so she helps me around and we would hang out. We helped her financially and were nothing but great friends. We'd grown pretty close & trusted each other alot. Well, last weekend I took her to the ER bc she was having these wierd "blankouts" . By the time she got to the ER she was shaking & having tremors. They admitted her, her thyroid was not working and causing her to be disoriented. She asked me numerous times not to tell her mom or anyone (she's 25 years old) that she was in the hospital. I agreed, BUT knew in my mind I would call her mom if things got critical or if she had to stay longer than a day. She was discharged 24 hrs later & she called her mom. Her mom said for her to come to her home and she would look after her. When her mom arrived, she . .

wouldn't look at me or speak to me. She pushed past me and got my friend out of bed. I was nothing but nice to her at this point and was a little confused. After she left I got a phone call about an hour later. It was her mom telling me never to call my friend ever again. I am so confused!! I was nothing but a good friend to her. I stayed with her in the hospital and despite everyone insisting I tell her mother...I did what my friend wanted and didn't tell her mother. My friend is still with her mom I think and I haven't heard from her at all. I cried that night for an hour because she was my BEST friend. Should I leave her alone? I'm confused as to why she hasn't called me. She's an adult and so am I. Mom's don't really have a choice anymore what we do. It hurts me she hasn't tried to make one attempt at contact with me.

I don't want her to choose, that's infantile. We are both in our mid twenties. I would rather never speak to her again than her mom and she not having a relationship. . . you know? I don't understand why she hasn't stood up for me though. I have to start chemo treatment on Monday and I just don't want to be so stressed out about this as I have enough to be scared of.

coolone, I have thought about all of those aspects and expressed them to my friend. I would have called my mother before I even went into the hospital. Unfortunately my friend has some issues with her mother that she doesn't know how to deal with. She is a grown adult and could make decisions on her own. I saw her talk to many people on her cell phone with no problem at all. If she wanted her mother to know...she could have called or had me call at a moments notice. I asked her over and over if I could call her mom. She begged me not to call. I speak with my mother every day of my life and if I was in the hospital I wouldn't HAVE to tell her, she would notice that she hasn't spoken to me.

Answer 1

I'm sorry this happened and i don't think that you should be punished for being loyal to your BEST friend,your loyalty is to her not her mother.And if she isn't brave enough to stand up to her mother for you after all you have done for her,she doesn't deserve a wonderful person like you in her life.And i doubt she will find a better person like you in her life.And i'm pretty sure your friend knows what her mother told you,and she is a grown woman and she should be able to stand up for herself and you.But to give yourself a peace of mind,send her an email and let her know the situation,and if she still leaves this situation as it you may just be better off without having this person in your life.

Answer 2

Hola,
This is a tough one. First, you don't understand what her mother's position is. Is she angry because she thinks you knew your friend was ill and did nothing to help? You need to talk to her to understand her position.

Your friend may still be too ill to call you without her mother's help. Don't give up on her, give them both time. Not knowing is torturous, but good friends have to have faith in each other, and learn about each other what each day presents us to learn. It may be too soon to get good responses to your questions, but if you think you could get her mother to talk to you, try it.

If you don't get a good response from her mother, let it be until you are feeling better yourself. When we don't feel well, we can easily get our feelings hurt. It's just goes with the territory. When your health is in a sunnier position, you may be able to communicate with your friend and her mother more successfully.

Do everything you need to do to go into your best mind-set for your own best outcome. See a healthy you coming out of the treatment you are going to have now. Dream your dreams, picture your good health, and your results will be great.

Answer 3

Wow, sounds like there is more to the story. I would call her and get her side of things. Also, the thyroid deals with your hormones. There could be psychological issues caused by her physical problem. Do a little research to see if that is the issue. Did her mom say WHY she doesn't want you to contact her daughter? If your friend still wants you in her life, then ignore the mom.

Answer 4

All you can do is respect her Mother's wishes.

But try to understand things from a mother's perspective. This mother's daughter was in the hospital. She could have died. Perhaps she felt that you should have telephoned her as soon as her child was in the hospital.

And I disagree with you about Moms not having anything to do with grown children.

Don't you know that Mothers are Mothers until the day they die?

So accept your "friend" and her mother's decision and concentrate on your treatments.

Answer 5

omg stuff her mum she needs ur help...

get ur best friend opion who she wants to be with more here mum or u