my wife thinks she knows everything.. how can i help her. please help me!?

Question

my wife does very well in college, but lacks common sense. the problem is that when sombody states a fact or mentions "the cat might have worms", without considering the possibilities she denies it. she does this several times a day with whatever people say. the big problem is she is proven wrong for almost everything she says but will never admit that she was wrong. she simply makes up some excuse on how somthing was worded and continues on. she has few friends and this know it all attitude is wearing on me. i dont know what to do. i tried talking with her about it and she got pissed and wouldnt talk anymore. im desperate for any advice or ideas... thanks

Answer 1

She is probably feeling as if people are challenging her and trying to put her down by "proving her wrong," and this makes her defensive, and makes her feel stupid if you (or her friends) go to an effort to "prove her wrong" and then rub her nose in it. Come on, nobody likes this. How do you like it when someone does this to you? Nobody is right all the time and people have different common sense in different areas. She might be able to quickly grasp some types of things that you can't.

Rather than pointing out how wrong she is or saying she lacks common sense, or getting in an argument "no, x is true. you're wrong" use suggestions to address a question or problem together, rather than presenting a challenge for the right or wrong answer, even if you think you know what the right answer is. Ask her what she thinks. If you think she's on the wrong tack, lead her towards another suggestion, without promoting it as the only answer. If you act as if you respect her opinion and think she might actually have something to say, and explore the question together so she can feel as if she contributed to the answer, she might not be so quick to go on the defensive. You may in fact be able to guide her into understanding what you think is right, if you don't present it as an absolute truth but let her arrive there herself. If she thinks you are wrong, admit that possibility (Well, maybe you're right and he doesn't have worms, but he's eating a lot and staying really thin and I'm concerned...Maybe we should take him to the vet).

This will probably take time and patience on your part since it sounds like she's already permanently on the defensive, however the end result will probably be that she thinks you've become more understanding and you'll have less pointless arguments that leave her feeling unappreciated or stupid and you feeling frustrated that she's being so blockheaded.

Answer 2

My ex husband was very much this way and it tended to get on my family's nerves all the time. Unfortunately it took until a while after we divorced (not the reason we divorced) to let him know what he was actually doing. He too is a well educated man but he sometimes lacks the logical type of thinking that can get you through day to day life. I found after we had separated that I was able to be more open with him about how he used to speak, like he invented the exclamation point. I phrased it in a constructive criticism sandwich. I started out by telling him something good like "You are a very friendly and likable person." Followed by what he was doing - the criticism "however sometimes you come across like you think you know everything and it can be a bit condescending which I know you don't mean and sometimes you get your facts muddled" and followed that with another good thing "though I do know that you are a very intelligent person who has studied hard to gain the knowledge that you have." He took it well and admitted that sometimes he does get a little excited on certain topics and tends to go off on a tangent.

I hope you find a way to get through to your wife also. Good Luck!

Answer 3

My Wife Knows Everything

Answer 4

There isn't much you can do, this is an issue she has and she knows it, but she doesn't know why she is doing it or the reason. I doubt you would have the skills to be able to tell why that is being done, I can only see 2 possibilities for you and would be in this order, and all to have a better life witouth having to be dealing with that. The first one is to tell her she needs professional help and give yourself certain time for her to take it, don't wait forever and there is no need for you to tell her you have given certain time, because she will fight back and wont agree with you (since that's exactly the problem). Consider divorce and she deserves it after you tried, there is absolutely no need to have to keep up with what you are dealing, is better to be alone or married to someone who is mentally sane and acts using common sense.

Answer 5

My guess is that she grew up in a home where there is a lot of criticism and few "social skills". Where she, her siblings and maybe even her parents were constantly being ridiculed or unfairly judged by each other.
This tends to make people feel that they have to be right all the time in order to feel comfortable with themselves. That or they need to teach others not to "attack" them.
It sounds like your wife has a fine IQ but is still very young.
Common sense will come with time.
Learning to let down your guard and to not be afraid to make mistakes will also come with time.
.
BUT this will also depend on her being around supportive not critical people. People, who by example, will teach her to relax a little.
The biggest favor you can do your wife is to teach her it's O.K. to be wrong sometimes, that everyone makes mistakes so it's no big deal.
You also need to teach her, by example, to be forgiving, both of herself and others, for being plain ole human beings.

Answer 6

Im a bit guilty of that kind of behaviour myself. She's still in the protected halls of college- wait till she gets into the real world. She'll either learn quickly and mature or crash and burn and wonder why she can't keep a job. In the meantime DO NOT have any (more) children with her, and choose your battles. If she's going to look like a fool anyway, don't crash and burn with her unless its actually something important.

Answer 7

Don't be so bothered by it, let her keep thinking that, it's the easiest way man. Have you learned nothing! Let her do it her way first, then make your suggestion and/or try your way. Here is a good piece of advice: The wife is always right because it ain't worth a fight. Feel me?

Answer 8

Praise her for her academic achievements. Don't embarrass her or make a big deal when she is wrong...she'll go deeper in denial and get defensive. Focus on her positive attributes. Don't focus on her weird, irritating, wrong self. And pray for her to have perspective, and for you to have patience and understanding! I know many people who are so knowledgeable, yet soooo stupid.....I mean un-wise!

Answer 9

how about use some indirect way, for example characters in a movie or something like that? but i still suggest a more direct way. after all u are husband and wife. get mad even if u have to. prove to her this attitude is tiring and sooner or later will drag this relationship.

Answer 10

you can't control or change others.. perhaps with maturity she will "see" she is acting foolishly and work toward change.

apparently, she just didnt' get like this overnight -- and was likely this way before marriage.

for some reason, she makes knee-jerk comments, which she might regret later. live, learn.