waiting since 9 years?

Question

I am a widow, I am pretty good looking with two kids around my late thirties.Ive been dating this guy since the past 9 years now, not at one time did he introduce me to his friends let alone his people ( I can understand they will not accept) as he is not married. I really love him a lot and am still waiting for him to at least say something like he is going to be with me for the rest of my life. Is this right for me to stay and wait like this at least for him to meet my son or friends. We meet and have great times together but all this is in utter secrecy, what is the end to this.

Answer 1

Sweetie, I would have moved on after 6 months if I hadn't met his friends or any local relatives. Are you kidding me?!
You say " I can understand they will not accept"...
they will not accept what?
Surely after 9 years you KNOW why he hasn't introduced you, you're just not saying it here.
It is because of racial differences, extreme religious differences? Do you have a serious criminal past? Did you have a sex change, that is: did you use to be a male? Are you extremely obese? Do you have a physical handicap? Etc.
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Something about you is preventing him from wanting you to share his life fully. If it's something you can't change and it really bothers you that this is a major problem for him....it's time to move on Girl.
Find someone who not only likes & loves you for yourself, "warts & all" as they say, but who wants you to share his life (all of it) with you.
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Of course, you also indicated that... while he is not married....he has not met your family or friends either.
Why?
Is it because HE doesn't want to met them or YOU don't want him to?
Is there something about HIM that is preventing YOU from wanting him to share your life fully?
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Regardless of who is the problem here...I think you've wasted enough time on this "going-no-where" relationship.
Believe me...9 years is enough time for anyone to have come to terms with whatever it is that keeps an important relationship "in the closet".
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As long as you two are content to play by these rules...you're not going to change the rules. They apparently once worked for you guys or the two of you would have either split or gotten married years ago.
BUT the problem is...deep down YOU'RE not content to play by these rules any more, are you?
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So talk with him, tell him you're not happy and you want things to change.
If he says out right he's not willing to change things...run, do not walk, to the nearest exit.
If he agrees but doesn't follow through within a week, hands you a lot of excuses, etc. , again: run, do not walk, to the nearest exit.
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It takes two to tangle, Lady.
You have both taught the other what you could get by with every time you let the other person get by with it.
If you want to change things now... then you need to teach him what you want changed.
If he won't or can't change...if you won't or can't change... then either end the relationship and move on....OR stop complaining & accept things as they are.
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This is YOUR relationship with this guy...we can only give you our advice and opinions. You are the one who will have to decide in the end what you want in life and what you'll do to get it.
Best of luck.

Answer 2

Honestly I think something is up with this man look at the signs has not introduced you to any friends all of your meetings have been in secret (both red flags). has he wanted or even said anything about meeting your kids , how often do you meet and for how long are you together. So many different questions that can be asked but after nine years it seems that something should have been asked said whatever else can think of. As with most on here I have to say tell him how you feel and that you expect an honest answer best of luck and God bless

Answer 3

I can't honestly tell you "its all right it will all work out in the end" You have to ask yourself this...is he worth this long wait? Do you love him enough to continue with this secrecy for his sake? If you have been dating for nine years and you have children its time for you to confront him on the matter...it is time to make a decision about the importance of this how is this going to work in the end? There is no end to secrecy its time for him to be accepting and willing to make sacrifices in fact you also need to start making decisions about where your relationship is going...secrecy is great and exciting at first but it becomes stagnant and boring. In the end if he's with you his people will accept you...go for it take a chance I know its hard to state "who cares" because society is a big part of our lives but I think you should really work this out together...you guys have been together for so long that nobody should stop you now, acceptance will come the time is right...just talk this out and don't worry everything will be fine! :)

Answer 4

Why will his people not accept you? You are widowed, he is single! I would not be willing to live in secrecy for so long. What if something happened to either one of you? You couldn't go see him in the hospital or he you, and what about holidays or special times that you should be sharing? Don't wait any longer. Let him know it is time to bring this in the open or let it go altogether.

Answer 5

You know that his keeping his life a secret from you is not right. He doesn't want a committed relationship - and this may sound cliche, but yes, you deserve better. I still suspect he's either married or in another relationship. There's just no good reason for him to carry on with you in secrecy.

Answer 6

That just sounds ridiculous. It sounds like he is really embarassed of you, but you say you are good looking. I don't know. Is it some kind of religious issue or what? Are you of different races? Who cares if you two aren't married, why does that mean that he can't introduce you to anyone he knows and after 9 years!!! Are you kidding me. What example is that setting for you kids too? I mean they got to know something ain't right. I don't know what you love about him, but I say move on girl. Life is too short and there are soooooooo many available hot men that I'm sure would love you and introduce you to their families and friends.

Answer 7

You have three options as I see it.
Choice A=You ask the guy to marry you and don't wait for him to tell you first that he will be with you for the rest of his life.
Choice B=You wait for that guy to tell you that he will be with you for the rest of his life and you be the one to decide whether or not to marry him at that point.
Choice C=You decide he is too unsure about what he wants and you just go find another guy instead that will love you and you will love as well.

Answer 8

i think you should reveal your relationship. that'll lower a lot of boundries. if he knows that this relationship is a secret, he might not be proposing or making any dedications because he thinks you yourself are scared. if you tell him that you've told your kids about the relationship, and introduce him to his friends, then he'll probably realize that the relationship's actually going somewhere. he loves you, you love him. ask your kids if they're fine with you being with someone. and ask him if he wants to meet them and your friends, and that'll get the shuttle going. it's going to start a lot of velocity. maybe he's waiting for you to introduce him first, or waiting for you to say "i want to be with you forever" first.

if all else fails.

tell him all of your feelings.

Answer 9

When I love someone, I want to shout to the whole world and show the world who the love of my life is. I can take whatever the world says about him and I couldn't care less what my friends say about him. If he does not even do these things for you - you have a friend but not someone who loves you enough to face the world with you exposed with him.

Answer 10

You may not be the other woman but thats obviously how he's treating you. If your content to keep your relationship with him in the shadows than by all means continue as is. But if you find yourself looking for a future with a man this may not be the one. If you confront him and he is evasive about where your relationship is 'going' then chances are it's going nowhere because he's comfortable as is with keeping you and everything else in his life separate.