poem about suicide, do you think it's good?

Question

before you get all "you need help".. i jsut wrote it out of perspective soo please don't comment stuff like that. i just want to know if you think the poem is written well..it's more of a freestyle..

hi..where was i..
not too long ago
somewhere above the sky?
it was but a drawing of a blank
should i not dream of what i cannot have?
but i dream...
in opaque darkness
nothing there
just an end
nothing there...
just an end
it leads me no where
no where but the End
it might have been nothing but a dream
just with an inch of a pinch
i was able to release , but not let go
'dreams come true'
and they do
it's been a week ,
hands still fresh of gunpowder
boy i feel so alive.

Answer 1

I'm more confused about what sort of 'mood' the piece is supposed to impart? I understand the skipping thoughts as being metaphors for the freedom afterwards, but they don't necessarily go anywhere? Is that intentional?

It's a good question because good poetry doesn't confuse: it suggests. In other words, no matter how 'confused' it may look at first glance, there should always be a 'point' behind the words. Otherwise, why should anyone pay attention to them, might as well write nonsense or make up one's own language.

So is the confusion deliberate, and thus the last line supposed to be ironic, or is the skipping thoughts, and thus the final line, supposed to be freeing?

As for whether or not the poem is 'good' depends on what sort of good you are looking for: good in describing what its like afterwards, good in conveying the author's thoughts, good in literary terms, good as in making someone else feell better after reading it, good in terms of making the author feel better after reading it? What 'good' are you looking for, cause each 'good' has a different requirement for it.

Answer 2

It says all of it does it no longer? do no longer forget the pensive question mark on the tip of your rhetorical question in line 4. i might substitute the 2d final line to; "Take some pills and look ahead to the tide." this way you're suiciding without the possibility of killing others on your final journey. that's extra in protecting with the different procedures..

Answer 3

Its diffrent, to many people are not able to do what you just did and many may not understand your uniqueness. This is from your heart and the poem is not bad at all but suicide is of course, i think you can do better still with the poem.

Answer 4

It's good, I think, but I think you need to tweak a few metaphors to make it perfect. Not everyone knows what opague darkness is, or sees the connection between lines four and five.

I like it though. It's a poem about suicide that's not pretending to be anything else. ;)

Answer 5

I am sorry but there is nothing good about a suicide poem, I know alot of people write them but I wish they didn't, change the words around and make it a good to be alive poem

Answer 6

You are really good at perspective poetry. I find it hard to try and get in that persons shoes when I try to do it but once you get it it goes. I like the flow of your poem and I thought it was pretty awesome. I would like to see more of your poems they seem good.

Answer 7

Yes, I think you've definitely captured it. I like how (to me) the poem has a somewhat elated ending. Also how the word "end" was used a lot in the begining.

Answer 8

More people die of suicide than homicide in this country.
You're right, it is an end.
The gunpowder residue would have been on your head instead of your hands, depending on what type of gun used. Care to specify?

Answer 9

I understand about the "perspective" thing which I hope is just that.

Not bad poem--got any more?

Answer 10

Not bad honey.
Let it channel through your hand and read it after don't try to hard you will be a fine poet that way.