my mother is calling me a prostitute and a whore because she found my birth control pills?

Question

im 21 years old graduted college and just joined the law enforcement family in plans of becoming a police officer. I have sex and i practice safe sex i am on the pill and i also use condoms she found a bag that i have with my pills and a bunch of condoms she started to call me a whore etc. I don't understand why if i had a daughter i would be happy that she is practicing safe sex also it's not like im 14 and having sex now she won't speak to what should i do. i think this is her problem she is old fashion etc.

Answer 1

I am so sorry. Even if you were 14, it doesn't excuse her calling you a whore.

I think it would be healthy to set some boundaries with your mom. It's really none of her business what you do with your private time. You're a grown woman now and your decisions are your own. She really had no business being in your "bags" anyway.

There is no excuse for her treating you this way. Is there any way you can sit down with her calmly, and try to not become too emotional or heated over it and tell her that while you "appreciate" her concerns, it's NOT okay for her to call you names, nor is it okay for her to pry into you private life.

Many hugs. And good for you for being so responsible!!!
(Even if you weren't being responsible, it's still not her business...)

EDIT:
Some people on here are saying that your mom will eventually come around and realize that what she said and did was wrong & she'll apologize. I'm not saying that won't happen, but I will say "don't count on it". If she does, that's absolutely wonderful. If not, then I'm sorry.

It might do some good to talk with her and tell her that you really feel she needs to respect your privacy and that while it's okay for her to worry about you, she really hurt your feelings. It's okay for you to tell her that if she is angry about something, anything, you need her to approach you with respect and caring, and talk to you like the adult you are, not like a 12 year old who broke the lamp and got caught.

I have had multiple mother-issues and have been in therapy on and off over the years (we move a lot). One thing my therapist told me (my mother has a BAD anger issue and she's the biggest narcissist I know...) - you don't have to tell your mom you're sorry. You don't need to feel sorry if she feels let down.

Really, all you have to say is, "Well mom, I'm sorry this is so hard for you." You can tell her you respect her feelings and concern, but she has to reciprocate that.

I certainly wish you the best and I hope that you and your mom can patch this up quickly and get on with the happy times. Happy Holidays!!!

Answer 2

My dad flipped out when he found my birth control..I was 16 but not having sex yet. I told him the truth at the time, I got it because my cramps would make it so I couldn't move or anything on the first day of my period. But anyways, tell your mom the truth. You are being good about it. I am 21 now and my dad understands, although I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. I don't know your situation. But ask her whether she would rather have you being irresponsible and having sex with no condoms or bc rather than being good and responsible about it. You are a big girl that can make her own decisions, make sure she knows that. And just because you have sex doesn't mean you are some whore.

Answer 3

I can totally relate to you. My mom is totally old fashioned too and even though we are not religious and there is nothing in our culture that frowns upon girls who lose their virginity before marriage my mom would flip out completely if she found out. Like you, I am useing both pills and condoms and have been hiding it from her for a year now. She would probably act the same way as your mom did if she found out. It's rediculous because we are smart. At least we are having safe sex and they do not realize that this is a completely different time period that we live in. Why should we be so uptight, lets try to enjoy life instead.

Answer 4

She is old fashion. A TON of people have casual sex now a-days. It's very common. lol She needs to grow up to this time. You are 21 and apparently making the right decisions b/c you are doing safe sex. I think it is appropriate to have sex past the age of 17 as long as it is safe and enjoyable. Why do the old marrried people get all the fun? lol

Answer 5

Sorry to hear this problem but there is a generation gap and maybe even a religion gap between the two of you. Women who are raised the way your mother was raised will never be able to understand premarital sex, infidelity, divorce, even same sex relationships and marraige.

What do you do? Nothing. She will conveniently forget everything once you are married. A grandchild born in wedlock will also bring you back to your previous respected daughter position. Unfortunately, for her generation, not even your getting a respectable job nor a university degree will lessen her perception about raising you the "wrong way"

Answer 6

How very kind and compassionate she is. It sounds as if you have a very special relationship and bond with her. It's always nice to hear how fortunate I am.
Best Regards towards your future. My mom considered me to be a male whore--I was with the same chick and monogamous from 15 to 24--really fit the definition don't you think? It was more of a complment than a chop cuz' I looked like a geek.

Answer 7

Someday she'll apologize. Right now she's trying her best, but mothers make mistakes. She's old-fashioned. Try not to worry about it.

Eventually when you're happily married with children, she will apologize. I would be proud to have you as my daughter and I'm 53. Don't be mad at your Mom. That's just how she was brought up. She'll realize that things are different now.

When she cools down, try to explain that you don't tend to get married for a few years and that things are different now, and that you're being smart about it. If she doesn't accept it now, that's her problem, unfortunately. :)

Answer 8

You should sit down and talk to her about how responsible she has taught you to be. She needs to understand that you are being a reasonable woman. You are not a little girl anymore, she needs to stop acting childish.

PS: Thanks for making me feel bad, I had sex at 14. I know it is bad, I am glad I got that out of my system.

Answer 9

First: GOOD FOR YOU! It is always good to hear of a RESPONSIBLE person!

Second: yes, your mother IS being old fashioned.

Third: You really SHOULDN'T be having sex until you are married, but since you are, you ARE being responsible! That is a good sign to know there will be a responsible POLICE OFFICER in this country!!!!

Answer 10

She sounds like she is not thinking rationally. I'm old-fashioned, but I would never, ever call my daughter such horrible words. You might want to tell her straight out that she may not approve of your sexual behavior, but she is out-of-line to talk to you using that kind of language. She has done something right to raise you to use good common sense and it might be helpful that you capitalize on that aspect of your relationship with her, but please do not tolerate her verbal abuse.