i feel so alone and sad!!?

Question

my husband and i have been together for 4 years and married for two. we have two adorable kids together. i'm a stay at home mom and my husband works. he expects me to cook, clean, watch our kids and do everything. he comes home and plays on the computer and his xbox360. i asked him to spend one hour a day with us and it lasted for one week. i stopped asking how his day was and how i feel. he doesn't like it. his aunt and dad doesn't like me cause we're from different cultures and he always says he dissapointed his dad cause he didn't marry someone from his ethnicity. i bottle up all my feeling and i feel so alone. he doesn't want to go to counseling. he plans things with his friends and brother but not his us. i tried cuddling and he was like can't i just stay here w/o u doin that. if the roads are slippery and i tell him to be careful he's like stop that. i'm not a kid anymore stop caring about me. i know for a fact that he's not cheating. i don't get it? i'm so sad.

i feel like i'm not appreciated for anything. i try and try. no complements just criticism. i have no one to talk to. i don't want my parents to know how sad i am. it will break their hearts. so i always put on a smile and act like our marriage is good. i can't cry. i don't want my son who two to see his mom cause he'll ask. so all my feelings are locked up. and theres no point in telling him how i feel. he WON'T listen. even if he does he won't do anything.

what do you mean watch the kids? he tells me to take the kids with me even if it's going the gas station to buy milk. so there is no alone time for me to be alone. he's never even changed their diapers or given them a bath. it's me. and going to the doctors appoint for our kids is me. he doesn't even know how much they weigh or what the pediatricians name is? i had a job and always did but i stoped working to watch our daughter. even when i was working i still had to come home at 10:30 and cook, clean and give our kids bath.

Answer 1

Rejection is a hard pill to swallow especially when it comes from your spouse - the one that should not be rejecting you.

You are in a tough spot alright considering your in-laws are nothing more than racists.

I would suggest you get some help - counselling or even someone to talk with face to face that you can trust who will not tell everyone your business. I suggest counselling because I'm concerned that you are sad and alone and this could possibly lead to depression.

Here's something to keep in mind though. YOU are in charge when it comes to the home. YOU are the one that tells him what goes on. If YOU need help then you tell him or if YOU need him to watch the kids then YOU tell him. Don't let him get away with the crap he is pulling. The only reason he's doing it is because YOU are letting him.

Try planning an outing with you and your girlfriend(s) and leave the kids behind in his care. When he makes plans with his brother or friends, the rule should be he takes one of the kids with him. You can also plan activities for your kids (which you probably do anyway) and go without him and if you don't make it home to cook HIS supper well too freakin' bad for him. At you and the kids will have had a good time out.

If he wants to know where you were you can tell him why should it matter if I tell you - you don't care.

See if he likes his own taste of his medicine.

Good luck

Answer 2

It sounds like he is no longer interested in the marriage or you. If he doesn't want to go to counseling go yourself but I think you may be happier to file for divorce and find someone who loves you more than his computer or xbox. He may have even married you to get back at his father since you say the father was disappointed that he married outside of his culture. If you are sad now and he won't change, the only way to get happy again is a divorce and someone who loves you more than he apparently does. You are facing a life choice and I will give you a site which may help you. Good Luck to you!!

Answer 3

Only you can change your situation. Stop doing anything for him. Don't cook for him, don't wash his clothes, don't pick up after him. Find something else to do. Reverse the tables on him. Don't be mean, become distant and unconcerned. Don't call after him, don't look for him. When he comes home hardly even notice. He is too sure about you, put some mystery into the mix. Make him wonder what is going on with you.

Doesn't matter what his aunt and dad think of you. It is none of your business. What is your business is what you know is true about you. To thine own self be true. If they are prejudice they are the ones who have a problem anyway.

People only do to you what you allow. Take charge of your own life. Go to marriage counseling alone if you have to. Learn different ways of dealing with your selfish husband.

Be strong, you can do it.

Answer 4

Honey, this guy is feeling like your like a smothering mother figure. In essence, he's a selfish, ignorant jerk of a man and YOU KNOW THIS! I think it makes it worse that you're very warm and affectionate and he sees this as needy and co-dependent.

He has no clue what it means to be a good husband and a lot of men these days don't seem to!

Have you seen the movie "idiocracy" where are society just keeps getting more stupid?

I know the more he pushes away, it hurts and you want to grab on more, but the more you grab on, the more he'll push.
Honestly, I would want to be married to such a man!

The best thing is to become independent. Fill that emotional void with 1) the Divine/spirituality, like a group meditation/satsang in your area (as well as individual morning and evening meditation/mantra chanting. Google the Hare Krishna Mantra - i's amazing what sacred Sanskrit sound vibrations can do for one!)

In this earth world, where many live only for the self, we've forgotten a higher power. How else to wonder and make the effort back to him except to have pain in this temporary earth world and realize it doesn't complete you for long. All we know is how to live in our senses in this world of duality. If their is pleasure, there will also be pain at some point. Move beyond this through regular meditation on your own and in group, higher minds as company is so important to keep you strong.

I hope you are still taking care of your body through good diet and exercise (and buying new clothing and getting a nice haircut time to time). What's your passion art or music or a sport? NURTURE IT! That'll give you another power and when you get good you'll share it and it'll give you meaning and you'll meet more people.

You've learning now to see the reality of your hubby and how marriage and kids often change tings with men who are lost on the path of the Divine. Someday, he soul will see how much he hurt you and the pain will be unbearable. Right now, he is so distracted with his selfish desires he doesn't.

Another thing, look at this as a penance. They say things don't happen that you didn't somewhere create or to do another, whether in this life or another. Face it, deal with it, but no need to take the full punch. Pray to the Divine for forgiveness and to help yo, fake it until you make it if you have to!
Something will come through for you.

Either hubby will mend ways or as children grow, you will find a true love who is capable of honoring and loving you for live, especially at Satsang and leave that punk husband of yours.

I know your sad now but this will pass. You have to be brave and look at this from a bigger picture. Make the effort towards the Divine/a Higher Power/God, etc, and all will get better. No matter what, keep on keeping on.

Google "Autobiography of a yogi online" (read it) and "Hare Krishna Mantra" (learn to chant even 5-10 minutes per day for awhile)

I love you enough to write all this in hopes you'll wake up to love yourself back and prepare yourself for better for the mistake of this man you're with.

Answer 5

Obviously there is no communication in your marriage, your marriage is on the rocks.
It seems to me that you're going through depression due to the circunstances, you must feel isolated, alone dealing with so many emotions, your self esteem is very hurt, you must feel confused, sad. Something is going on with your husband for him to be the jerk he turned into now. If he doesn't want to go to counseling with you, you get counseling for yourself, and leave him, lady, you don't have to tolerate all his crap only because you trusted him and married him and have two children with him. Stop pretending your marriage is Ok , tell your parents what is going on, you need people you trust to talk. Your children are watching what's going on at home with their parents, and this will affect them if they continue seeing the way their parents relate to each other, the way their dad treats their mommy.
You need emotional support, bottling up emotions has very bad consequences, look for help, do it for yourself, and your kids. If your husband is not interested in change, leave him, your kids will thank you someday.
Good luck.

Answer 6

Well, as a stay at home wife, it's your JOB to cook, clean, and look after the kids. So don't expect too much sympathy on that one. It's not at all unusual for a guy to want to unwind after work with a computer or game, and also not unusual for one hour to turn into 4. So don't feel alone.... at least 2/3 of my girlfriends have that same issue.

He doesn't want to go to counseling because he doesn't feel there's a problem. You do. So you go. One day a week, leave the kids with him and go to counseling. He'll enjoy some daddy time with the kids and you'll have some alone time devoted specifically to dealing with your issues.

He's a basically good guy, hard worker, good provider, and father of your two children, and man you vowed to be with till death do you part. He doesn't hit you or cheat on you. Don't walk away.

Answer 7

It sounds like you guys got "compfortable" with eachother, when that happens we tend to forget how much we rely on our partner.

Honestly, I would leave for a week or two, tell him you're not so sure things will last due to his failure to make changes. Tell him you need a break & go stay with a girlfriend.

My bf used to play computer games all the time, we kinda grew appart. He failed to change because he didn't realize how seriouse I was about it. I left for a month, just to prove that I was willing to "move on" if he wasn't going to put forth the effort to repair the relationship. He got the hint!

Best of luck to you!

Answer 8

why not try going to counseling alone. you really need to get things off your chest and have an objective opinion about a lot of things right now.

i know plenty of people who married outside of their culture, their families didn't like it initially, but eventually it all came around and worked out in time.

you need to work on your own happiness, wants and needs right now. address those first, build up some confidence in it all, and then begin approaching each issue with the husband one by one. you'll get a lot further with it then what you are doing now.

Answer 9

This behaviour is called "post marriage comfort zone syndrome". When you had kid/s and your partner fills her/his day with a rigorous work and after work schedules. It's hard for other to have time for her/his own and they tend to find every single second of free time to relax on her/his own,. She/he might has unintentionally caused the whole relationship becoming gridlock. When the other partner presented or voiced her/his concerns regarding the present predicament. Which leads to the resentment of the other party if stated without a clarification under most circumstances.....

Answer 10

first of all i would divorce his sorry ***... he obviously doesnt care about you or the kids.... you could be doing the same thing w/out him... there wouldnt be much change.. you be gettn alminoy and w/e you would get from your job... your mom or friend or a sitter could watch the kids while you go to work... he doesnt want to work at this marriage... he expects you to do EVERYTHING... this marriage is doing nothing for you but maken you depressed, upset alone, and stressed... Divorce him.... now before you and the kids get anymore attached, i know its hard but you need to do it...