I have three children the ages of 19,15,and 7 my husband and i been having problems for years since i cheated on him 1992. I know there was know exscues for cheating. He was never their for me just like now im paying rent,light, phone, cable ins. car note and food. we saperented five time and last year. But i let him come back eventhough he said that he has forgiving me. I'm doing for my children even thow i'm not happy. he work but he don't bring much to the table. I dont' know how it feel to be happy becouse i too don't believe in devoices. remeber he said that he had forgiving me in the past. but i have children that see their mom paying all the bills every mouth. my son is't trying to work at all. I told him that i was unhappy in the only thing he say , he want his family back.
2007-12-07 16:07:30 · 8 answers · asked by Rosa P 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
get a grip on your life! for one, you should NEVER be or stay with someone for the sake of your children. you should only be with someone for your own sake, and ONLY if it contributes to your happiness. your happiness does not rely on anyone else but yourself, and it does not just happen because you have a husband and family. you sound like you have everything financially under control, but everything else in life is out of control. just because your husband forgave you (so you say), doesn't mean that you have forgiven yourself. you need to get into counseling, get your head and heart together, and take a stand in your life.
2007-12-07 16:15:13 · answer #1 · answered by celticbuddha 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It does not sound like anyone is benefiting from this situation. All of you are miserable. Your husband does not contribute to the household expenses? Why not? This back and forth is also not good for anyone either. Your lives are in turmoil and you never know what is going to happen. This is not a good environment for your children. Staying together for the children is crazy. Do you really want them to think that this is how relationships work? You don't believe in divorces but you believe in cheating? That is crazy. If I were in your shoes divorce would be the decision for me. Get out and get your life in order. Make yourself and your kids happy.
2007-12-07 16:48:20 · answer #2 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he hasn't forgiven you but uses it now to punish you. The two of you need to get in to counseling and try to work this out or get a divorce. You son may not work because he sees his father not contributing to the family so he does not feel that he has to. This is setting a bad example for him so the divorce may set a better example. You can be honest about cheating since it sounds like it was because of your husband's behavior so if the subject comes up just say that you should have gotten the divorce then instead of cheating. Good Luck to you!!
2007-12-07 16:25:25 · answer #3 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Rosa, happiness is a choice. Instead of wanting others to make you happy, you have to decide you will be happy yourself. Count all your blessings, instead of your wants. Be happy that you have your children and that the bills are being paid even if you are the one paying the most of them. Encourage your husband to find a better job. Sounds like he needs to be forgiven by you, for leaving and then for not providing for the family. There are plenty of women out there now that earn the higher wage in a marriage, so you are not alone. Decide to be happy for yourself and for your children.
2007-12-07 16:18:24 · answer #4 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are unhappy and handling everything, you can do bad by yourself. Let him go or ask him to let you go. If you didn't believe in divorce then you shouldn't have cheated but you did and that was 15 years ago. Its time to move on, even if he hasn't forgiven you, he can only do to you what you allow him to do. he is going to beat you over the head forever about what you did and you are letting him because you will not move on and neither will he apparently so I say start feeling sorry for yourself and find happiness, everyone deserves it and according to you, you have not been happy for years so I think its time. Allow him to see his children but the rest should be left behind. Good luck
2007-12-07 16:17:16 · answer #5 · answered by mickey 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm afraid you can't let what your children say dictate how your family operates. You need to be the parent. You have to step up and decide what is working, what isn't and what can work.
It doesn't sound like your son is going to get what he wants. Your job is to think of how you can get what is best for them.
It is best for everyone for you and your husband to stay together in this way? Wouldn't it be more stable for you to stay apart if you can't manage to stay together? Will you (and he) be more effective and happy parents if you part ways?
Think about, not what your kid says they want, but what is truly best for everyone. Your kid might want to eat three pounds of chocolate, but your motherly instincts should tell you that aint such a good idea, and you would try to stop them from getting hurt by that idea. Do the same thing here.
2007-12-07 16:16:18 · answer #6 · answered by chasingraspberries 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Never ever sacrifice your happiness for someone else!!!!!!!
Its your own life, not his, if you are unhappy your kids will see through you and this will affect them
We hurt ourselves not by what we ask for, but by what we settle for
Turn around your life and be happy.
2007-12-07 16:18:03 · answer #7 · answered by Essie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing you need to do is get sober!
You can do it!
2007-12-07 16:11:32 · answer #8 · answered by box of rain 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋