Why can't I accept that I'm a single mom?

Question

Somewhere in the back of my mind I know I am and that I need to start getting my life back together for my daughters sake. And on the other hand, I can't let go of my bf. It's basically over and he doesn't offer us any kind of support anyways, but somehow I can't cut the final string that keeps us together. I end up fighting with him 24/7 about how he needs to accept he has a kid now and needs to step up. But he doesn't and just thinks that I want to ruin his life because mine is. Why am I finding this so hard to just accept that he won't accept it and just move on?

Answer 1

You will in time! Be sure to take him to family court and get that child support. Then it will sink in that he has a daughter. And it's time you move on with your daughter. You don't need a boyfriend right now. You've have a daughter to raise. In time the right man Weill come along. :--#)

Answer 2

It sucks when life doesn't unfold the way we want it too and frankly, I think it is one of the toughest things in the universe to accept that and deal with the fact you just aint gonna get what you want.

Take a deep breath, and start small. I would suggest, three weeks of NOT speaking to this guy. Get some distance. Keep a journal.

Think of positive things you can do for yourself and your daughter. Perhaps even contact some social support networks, make a play date, talk to someone in a similar situation, open up a savings account for her.

Pick any one of those tiny little good things to do, and do it.
Sometimes, a small step in the right direction can help you break free of the old patterns. The tiniest little piece of success will make the future look way brighter, even though it's still scary and difficult.

Of course, that will be MUCH easier to do if you remove him from the equation, even if it's just for a little while.

And of course, take him for every dime of child support you can get.

Answer 3

Reality check...

First...you need to accept the situation that you currently are in...whether with or without your boyfriend. If he is not there for you now, then he will never be there. You are wasting valuable time on the boyfriend when you could be using that time to get yourself and your daughters all set up.

Second...take a piece of paper and figure out what it's going to take to live for you and your daughters. Do both financial amount and items (like car, insurance, etc)

Third...get a lawyer who specializes in family law. Your state will determine how much based on his current income and your daughter's needs.

In some cases, be prepared that if he has no skill or job, or doesn't get alot for his paycheck. Don't be the single mom screaming and whining about his inability to provide enough money...cause you're wasting valuable time. You can still make waves while providing for your daughters at the same time. If he doesn't have that skill to make the money you need, yelling and arguing isn't going to help. Helping him get that job is a better way to help yourself.

Next, figure out what kind of job or salary you need to support your kids. If you are not going to work and meanwhile wait for your boyfriend to give you money, your kids are going to suffer. Remove all pride and get a job to get that food on the table, to pay the bills, etc. When the boyfriend finally gets his crap together, the extra cash added to yours will come in handy.

And lastly...just like it was writting by someone else before me...youhave hope. You've seen it on TV that the boyfriend/exhusband comes through every time. Step back and remove your heart from that relationship and concentrate on your daughters. Once you finally move on...you'll be just fine...as long as you concentrate on providing for your girls.

best of luck to you.

Answer 4

Eventually you will realize that this man is a loser. I know because my daughter went through the same thing. Get the state to go after him for child support and be glad that he is out of your children's lives, as he sounds like he would be no kind of a father, or any kind of a good influence in their lives. My daughter's ex thought he was slick and could get away with not paying child support, and it did take awhile, but they finally caught up with him and now he has to pay or go to jail. You will probably end up hating this guy all by yourself. Look for someone who will be good for you and cherish those children, they are gifts from God! You will accept it eventually because you will get tired of being treated like a doormat by a dead beat dad, and your life is not ruined, or over. My daughter eventually met a great guy who loves her son and treats her like gold. They are planning to get married - happy endings are possible. You don't need this jerk!! Good luc k.

Answer 5

because you feel you deserve more. But I assure you that if you don't let go now, you will only hurt yourself and in doing so, you will hurt your children. God doesn't put anything on us that he can't take us through....
I can almost guarantee that once you have moved on and gotten your life on track, that b/f will want to do right or he will feel completely threatened and will keep it moving which is what you need. You can love someone and not be with them if they are not a positive factor in your life. You must cut your ties and do what's best for you and your girls.
I speak from experience, went through the exact same thing and fell in love with a man who loves me and my beautiful daughters unconditionally. We have been together for 10 years and married for 7. good luck

Answer 6

be here and done this one! you need to realize he is GONE and is not going to except responsiblity for his kid so move onto the courts. if not married they will still help you to get it. also, stop fighting with him its a waste of your energy and this energy should go to you getting yourself back on track. everyday wake and think of 5 things your grateful for. do this everyday. you can not control him but family courts can and child support and visitation do not go hand in hand so he'll in time have to pay if YOU pursue it. Be strong for yourself and for your kids and i know you can make it. he is only hurting himself not you my friend...you make your world what it is! don't let him control the making of your new world. If i can make without 16 yrs of support by choice, but with hard work and over time gaining self confidence in myself you can. remember those five things everyday and don't sweat the small things. anyway child support is something you can never depend on from men like this so do your best and you and your children will make it. they see what you do and your say and feed off that so keep the negative to a min. if you can.
good luck best wishes if i can make it you can. i am just a average woman with a wonderful son who is well rounded and honest and just a plan good boy...thats because of me and i am proud of that. i have made my fair share of mistakes as a parent and but his father is not part of any of that and that is his fault not mine.

Answer 7

i hear ya, i feel ya, and i support ya all the way. it's a ***** to deal with, being a single mother, but it will get easier, and you will get over that final hump. it's pathetic how parents can just up and leave, and practically deny the very fact that they are even a parent to someone, regardless of what their feelings may be towards the other parent. it's one of those things in life that will probably never be explained. nonetheless you do need to pick yourself up and get it together and moving forward for yourself and for your kid.

look for a single parent support group in your area, or even form one of your own. you are not the only single mom in the world and there is plenty of love and support out there waiting for you to receive it, so get to it!

Answer 8

You'll get through it.. It's so hard being a single mom in the beginning.. My daughter is what got me through it.. everything I did was for her. I worked 2 jobs in order to pay rent and give her dollar menu at McDonald's.. Only because it was cheaper then going to the store....

You will make it!!!! Time heals all pain!

Answer 9

When I get into self-pity it gives me an excuse not to have to take action. What fears are holding you back...do you really think you can't make it, without him? Or does he validate the way you feel about yourself right now? It is a choice, to be a victim. You can do it, you know.

Answer 10

You should never have been with him with out the commitment of marriage. That is one of the reasons sex is for married couples only. If you are married you are commited to each other until death do you part. When you have relations and you are not married, there is no commitment and you lose and unfortunately so does your child.

You can still file for child support. Go see a family lawyer.