I can't help feeling resentful?

Question

My husband works about 60 hours a week. I am home with a 6 month old and work part time 2 days a week(which I love and am lucky to be able to stay home with him). When my husband gets home around 9:00 he eats and falls asleep on the couch. Every night is like this and he also works on the weekends. I don't really feel like we have a marriage. I look forward to him getting home so I can have some adult conversation and he falls asleep within an hour. How can we keep our marriage ok. I hate this feeling of resentfulness because I know he works very hard and can understand why he is always tired.

Answer 1

What is your definition of a marriage. I have a husband who works long and hard too. my definition of a marriage is a family that lives together. A husband who works to make money to support his family and a wife who understands that it has to be that way. Wheat her or not she works..she still understands that her husband needs to come home to a clean house and food on the table. If your husband falls asleep on the couch ..just be glad that he is falling asleep on your couch and be happy. When he is awake be kind and loving and when he is asleep be glad that he's getting the rest he will need to go to work the next day. Find things to keep you occupied. I know it sounds like a "Donna Reid" situation but it's so much better than the alternative. If you love him..you have to give and take. When he's not tired..he'll be with you and then it will be nice. Find something to keep you occupied outside. There's all types of groups you can get involved with where you can have fellowship with female adults your age or older. Just think it over. Maybe if you get a full time job..or one as a paraprofessional where you can work school hours and be with your child when they are not in school..if will keep you busy and keep you around people.

Answer 2

I am in a similar boat except I am in your husband's shoes. I have 12-14 hour work days (including commuting time to/from work), plus I'm taking a couple classes for my masters in statistics so I barely have free time. My husband is a full-time MBA student and not working. He is mostly home all day and goes to school at night. I have been working at this job for a little over a month now. My previous job was a regular 9-5 job so I had a lot of time. But now with this new job, I am so tired, I just want to sleep or zone out. I still end up doing most of the housework and cooking so I am getting quite tired and resentful.

I want some time by myself when I first come home. Don't nag me about this or that. Just let me zone out, whether it's watching tv, going online, or sleeping!

Answer 3

I've been married 32 years and for a long time I was in the same position you are. My husband was working 40 hrs., going to school at night and doing wedding photography every Sat. till the early morning hours, but it was all so that we could buy a house and I could be home with the kids. All I can say is it WILL get better. The kids eventually go to school and then you can work more hours, and maybe by then you will be more stable financially. You and your son must mean an awful lot to him for him to be so giving. Try to find another social outlet, like maybe a playgroup with other moms, that's what basically saved me from going nuts!! Once my kids were in school I wanted to get a part time job (5 hrs. a day, 5 days a week) and he was able to quit the Saturday job, and eventually finished school. Just remember, this too will pass! Good Luck!

Answer 4

It is hard to make the adjustment after kids. When my son was born I started working close to 80 hours a week and side work on the weekend just to make sure we had enough money, and could pay the new bills from the baby. Insurance doesn't pay it all. It took a long time, and almost a separation to realize my wife was feeling neglected. I felt I was doing my job providing for my family, that I was really neglecting them. With my job, 8 years later, I am working 60 hours a week, but we plan a date night every week, and my weekends are spent with them. Loosing the weekend money really didn't hurt.
Learn from our mistakes. Talk to him. Tell him how you know he loves you and your son, and you know he trying his best to provide for you guys, but you need time with him. Explain how important that is to you. Suggest a date night, and don't take the kid. You may have to plan the first few. Let him know how much you appreciate what he does.
The resentfulness, I learned later, is a natural feeling for you. You are resentful that he doesn't have time for you, or he gets to be gone all day and you are stuck home all day( although you like being able to be home).

Answer 5

Sit down and talk with him one night about it. There are more important things than work and making money. His job is taking a toll on your relationship. BUT is the reason that he's doing this so you can stay at home with your son? Maybe you might want to think about finding full time work so it will take some of the burden off of him. Working 60 hrs a week is like working to make up for 2 people, you know? Yeah, no wonder he is tired. It is great that he wants to do this for you and allow you to be at home, but he has to be realistic too. He needs your help. Then at least he can come home in the evenings and weekends to spend time with the both of you. Just talk to him and see what sort of a solution you can come up with. If you just let it go, the he will never realize that you are concerned. Talk to him!

Answer 6

Your husband is tired because he works a lot .. and it physically tires him. Please respect that.

If you can, don't resent him for being a hard working man .. who needs his rest .. and supporting his family. Trust me, the opposite is the worse.

Try not to make it hard on your husband because he works hard. His job may be so taxing on him that he needs the rest to survive. I know lots of men like this. Their jobs are so hard on them .. they need tons of rest to be able to hold up to their jobs .. and it makes it doubley hard on them when their spouse does not understand.

I know a guy who works in a plant .. works longs hours .. and the job is physically & menatally taxing. The guy comes home from work actually dragging .. and he goes right to sleep after he takes a bath and eats. His wife - lots of times - interrupts his sleep .. and even gets mad because he sleeps. So .. once the guy tried not to rest/sleep as much .. he started drinking more caffeine drinks to give him more energy, and to help him stay awake more. The guy began having heart problems for the first time in his life. The heart got so bad that it would almost make him pass out ... so he went to a doctor .. wore a heart monitor for awhile. Long story short .. is that the guy was working hard physically, and getting less sleep to satisfy his wife .. so the combination taxed this guy's body so badly that it caused his heart to go haywire from the overload. The guy had to stop the caffeine .. and he had to get his rest ... or he would be in trouble with his health. All the things he was doing so he would not sleep so much was making him sick. This guy was previously a very athelitic, and healthy guy. He just had a job which made him tired .. and his body needed a certain amount of rest to get by health wise.

Your husband is probably tired due to his job, and the hours he works. His body lets him know how much rest he requires. If this is not the reason - then he should see a doctor for medical reasons.

If your husband did not hold a job of 60 hours a week .. you would probably see a different man who slept less.

Respect him for being hard working .. and honor his need for rest.

Answer 7

I easily have 2 comparable reviews. before everything, 6 years in the past I chop up up with a guy that i became with for almost 15 years (we've been given at the same time while i became 15 years old and he became 18). He did no longer truly like me going out on my own besides the shown fact that he went out together with his friends each and all the time. i became too youthful and immature to quiet down at that age and to be uncomplicated I resent him for it now. Secondly, my new companion who I easily have been with for 5 years and who's 5 years older than me, is great and we do each little thing at the same time, yet I resent him in a fashion with the aid of fact he has executed plenty, maximum of exciting issues which includes getting 3 toddlers (one in each of whom is now grown up and interior the army)! I desperately choose a new child of my own, yet between him no longer being that prepared and me not sure if i'm easily able to conceive after cervical maximum cancers, I do get green with envy. i understand this is not any longer his fault and that i shouldn't sense this manner, yet i think of it fairly is in basic terms widespread to choose what somebody else has or has had.

Answer 8

Good luck.. its not always easy. my husband has 2 jobs. thank god his second job just got easier. He used to work every day of the week between the 2 jobs, and sleep most of the time when he was home. we would sit down to watch a TV show together and he would be asleep in 5 minutes. I sometimes still get upset. (we have been together for 15 years) just try not to take it personally.

Answer 9

Well, is there an option for him to work less? Maybe you could work a few more hours/days during the week so that he doesn't have to work so much.

Your husband works so hard, I can imagine how tired he must be when he gets home. I am putting myself in his shoes. I probably wouldn't want to do anything but slide into bed.

Try to help him lighten the load and save your marriage.

Answer 10

Have you tried a date night once a week? Or maybe you could make a habit of eating dinner together (or a snack) every nite when he comes home, after the baby is in bed. You have to change the habit/ritual, either on a daily or weekly basis.