My husband and I have been together for 11 years. The past few years hasnt been very good. We argue all the time, we cant get along at all. He pays no attention to me. He works all the time and when he is home, hes either sleeping or watching tv. I feel like I come in second next to his job. We never have anything to talk about with each other. He use to kiss me goodbye when leaving for work, now he just rushes out the door, without even a bye. I feel like hes a stranger to me. I miss what we use to have, I feel like he doesnt even love or like me anymore. Ive asked him to help me work this out, but he wont. I guess what Im asking, is this something every couple that has been together for a long time goes through? Is it that we are bored of each other? To be married, I sure do feel lonely......
2007-12-07 15:04:16 · 9 answers · asked by Care2much 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No, all married couples don't go through what you are experiencing. But all relationships have their ups and downs however, and it is how you choose to work through the low points that determines the course of a marriage. Keeping a marriage exciting and fresh is work. If he refuses to try and work on a more fulfilling relationship, you can still change the way you approach things. For example, go to the door in the morning and tell him you love him and then kiss him. If he continues to ignore your efforts then you have to decide if you can live the rest of your life with the status quo.
2007-12-07 15:19:46 · answer #1 · answered by ScSpec 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have a solid friendship.
"Ask yourself what kind of friend you are being to your mate. If you want a good friend, be a good friend".
Meet each others' needs.
"The success of a relationship is a function of the extent to which it meets the needs of two people."
Set specific goals.
"Wake up each morning and say, 'What can I do today to advance the ball?'" Even small things will accumulate over time and make a difference. Find a quiet moment each day and come up with a specific goal to improve your relationship, whether it's calling your spouse during the day just to say hi, or telling your mate that you love him or her more often. Make a conscious effort.
Get back to basics.
"The idea is to have some concept of what a marriage and a partnership is supposed to be and start doing those things." Write down your definitions of a successful relationship and live up to those definitions. Focus on the fundamental things that are going to make a difference in the long run.
Take responsibility.
You can't control the way your spouse acts in your relationship, but you can control how you react in negative situations. "You have to take 100 percent responsibility for what you're doing in a relationship...Decide what you believe and hold to be true, and conduct yourself 100 percent consistent with that.
Turn the negatives into a to-do list.
For example, if you don't have fun with your partner, you need to make a list of enjoyable activities you can do together. Ask yourself, what would make your answer on the quiz change?
2007-12-07 23:14:40 · answer #2 · answered by luvly 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I have been together for 15 years... married for 10. He have had our ups and downs also. I think some things just take time. Men and women do NOT think alike. He probably doesn't even see a problem. I would just keep trying to talk to him.
I also think that sometimes when people have been together for a while they take one another for-granted. I know I do sometimes. I try not to. I always try to treat him like I want to be treated. Some people end up treating strangers better than there families. Even with just saying please and thank you.
good luck.. i hope you are just maybe going through a ruff patch.
2007-12-07 23:11:44 · answer #3 · answered by Holly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is what happen to me.i was married for 13 years and my ex-wife felt like you,but she did not work.she was a stay home mom/ i always worked,so what she did she divorced me.but i relized what i did and now its too late. i would say take a short vacation for the week end just you two and get to know each other better and talk things over,start doing things together,walk around the block,go to a movie,rent a movie, go out to dinner, you can do things like this.
2007-12-07 23:15:05 · answer #4 · answered by snowman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stop being home all the time. find something to keep you busy. join a group of some sort,help at a nursing home,shelter,anything. by not being around you can give him the taste of not having you around and see how he reacts to it. it could give him some alone time to think ,or it could lead the other way. either way you will have a outside life and wont be so lonely without him.
2007-12-08 00:51:49 · answer #5 · answered by marilynfsmgm 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have grown apart, like thousands of other couples before you. It is really hard to get it back after you've reached this point. Usually the only spark you're going to find is with a new love.
2007-12-07 23:08:31 · answer #6 · answered by jeff b 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dear Care2much,
They're is no such thing as caring to much, I think this may be your problem. Could it really be that your name is ***** too much? Men don't like b_tching, try to refrain from future acts like this. Your personality is offensive in some way, if it wasn't you would be with your friends discussing this instead of us strangers.
2007-12-07 23:22:48 · answer #7 · answered by beamer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yep Jeff B has it right ... You guys have let it go to far... and it sounds as though he is not willing to work it out .... Time to move on... It take 2 to make it work and if one dose not want to work on it that just leaves one....
2007-12-07 23:13:48 · answer #8 · answered by diva102288 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When did you throw him out of bed?
That usually comes first, then the loss of incidental intimacies.
And women ALWAYS complain they aren't getting 'enough touching'.
What bull!
2007-12-07 23:31:33 · answer #9 · answered by Blatherscaipe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋