When one gets *offended* and takes something the wrong way, who's fault is it? The giver or the receiver?

Question

Here are the possible answers:

1 - Nobody is at fault. I disagree because the receiver chose to be offended before understanding what was said; therefore, it is their responsibility to apologize once it has been clarified.

2 - The giver is at fault. They should have been more clear, right? I also disagree here. Why should I have to walk on eggshells all my days? Everything I said would have to pass through a lawyer before I said it!

3 - The receiver is at fault. The moment something seemed offensive, they should have asked for clarification before getting emotional about it. This is the answer with which I side, unless you can present a better case. I'm open for suggestions.

4 - Both are at fault. I also disagree here. If I say something that had no negative meaning and it was taken the wrong way, why should I have to apologize for it?

I think relationships can work out better if we can identify where the root of the problem is, the receiver's *choice* to get offended.

Answer 1

If the giver has intent to offend then it's the giver, especially if it's known that the receiver will be offended. But, I would say the receiver, in a sense, is always at fault because you can't realistically expect to never hear someone speak something that is offensive to you.

Answer 2

3

Answer 3

That was well written. It isn't as simple as that though. You have to realize the population is loaded with significant "personality disorders" that are motivated to say and do things that really throw a wrench into the gears of relationships.

Get a copy of a "Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders" (DSM-IV). Read the criterial of personality disorders, mood disorders and organic brain potentials. That should give you some insight into what I think are the "complex variables" to contend with. You fare better if you are a psychiatrist... to make sense of "what is really going on" ...then decide if you really need to react to it or not. I like to smile and say: "That is very kind of you to point that out!" ...smile and ignore it. As an artist... you will have to build "that response" into some of the critical responses "you" will get... from some people that can't draw a stick figure or could tell you the three primary colors.

Thanks for the excellent question! Very thought provoking and interesting! I am into art also! I think you have a wide "emotional palette" of color to be a good artist.

Answer 4

Too many people assume too much. The giver says something that is vague or that can be taken more than one way and doesn't bother to clarify. They assume everyone understands them because all the world reads minds.

The receiver hears something and assumes their interpretation of it is correct because this is what their life experience has taught them.

I have said many times that communication is the key to any relationship. People make too many assumptions and jump to too many conclusions without talking to the person with whom they are having the relationship. If they would just communicate with each other they wouldn't need to come on Yahoo asking a bunch of total strangers what we think is going on in the mind of someone we have never met, seen, or heard of and never will.

Answer 5

Who is at fault? You seem to imply the receiver. Yes, there are some people that will purposefully take things out of context, almost as if they are looking for a argument, to be the victim. Sometimes I say things that seem ok, but in hindsight, were pretty dumb, or insensitive, though my intentions were well meant.
If you are involved with someone who blows up over every other thing you say; then you might someone who is immature, and unsecure. Though to be on the safe side, I would analyze what you said, and how you said it. Best of luck.

Answer 6

Well, it depends what was said. If the giver says something that the average person would be offended by, then they should know they are offending & be more sensitive. If the receiver is overly sensitive then they should know to clarify what was said before taking offense.
I have heard that we are all responsible by how we react to something but I don't think most people are that in control.

Answer 7

I think number 4. First off someone shouldn't be saying things like mean that will offend people. Second the person shouldn't get freked and go over-board.

Answer 8

If you tried to curve your words so that you never offended anyone that would be next to impossible. I say what ever I want. I don't try to offend anyone, but if I do well f**k em!

Answer 9

As a person that speak their mind and yet mean no harm, I agree with #3

Answer 10

Your desire to place fault shows your personality flaws. Your questions raise questions about you. Have you looked in the mirror ?