My husband yells, cusses, puts me down and talks meanly to me...what should I do?

Question

We have been married for 5 1/2 years. We have a beautiful 2 year old son together. I come from a very religious family who frowns on divorce. I would like to make the marriage work for my son's sake. My husband yells at me for every little thing. If I am not doing something fast enough for him he yells at me. If I say something wrong by accident he talks to me in a mean voice and insults me. He has been physically abusive to me in the past. He has shoved me, hit me, punched me, put his hands around my neck, twisted my arms and thrown me down. He hasn't beaten me though. He has never done all of these things at the same time and I have not suffered any bruises. He hasn't done anything physically abusive to me in about a year now. He continues to be verbally abusive to me though. He cusses a lot and insults me. I can't talk to him about concerns without him getting mad at me. My husband has said he would change, but has yet to do it. What should I do? I don't yell or cuss at him.

Answer 1

I think you'd be better off if you left him and had him pay child support. You don't need to raise a kid in that type of environment. Do you want your son growing up to believe women should be treated that way?

Answer 2

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Answer 3

You are in such denial. He hasn't beaten you? Yes he has. He have not only beaten you with his hand, he is beating you with his mouth. It is so sad that you think so little of yourself and your child, that you would stay and let a coward steal all of your dignity, self esteem and pride. PLEASE do not put the fact that you have a weakness for being tortured on religion. You and your husband is teaching your son that it is ok to hit and belittle women. i guess you won't be satisfied until he kills you. He doesn't have to hit you, he can call you nasty names and talk down to you. That will help him continue the abuse without going to jail. Well, sister. I would have several charges. He SAID he would change. Honey, people like him can't change without professional help or a 44 semi automatic weapon in your hand. I don't get the part where the love come.... is it before or after he punch you and call you out of your name? And when he have sex with you, is it good still? I know the few short months I was in a marriage like this, if he tried to have sex with me I would throw up. So how do you keep your insides down? Maybe that's the problem, Mr. Boxer need a woman that would go toe to toe with him. My ex thought I was crazy. BUT I have no problems out of him. What you should do is leave and that is no joke.

Answer 4

You have every biblical reason to divorce him. Moses, through God, gave the Israelites certain reason divorce was acceptable. Abandonment, abuse, adultery are the three, it looks like he has been consistent in all three. Jesus later upheld these laws in Mark 10: 2 - 9( it later states that if divorce and remarry then adultery is committed). Matthew 5:18 ... marital unfaithfulness.., many experts feel that pertains not just to infidelity, but to being unfaithful in there duties as a husband. Matthew 19: 7- 11. These verses leave a lot of doubt ,but some times you have to trust the judgment of those who know the history of the day, events surrounding the writing. If you choose to go, lay it all out on the table for your parents. Don't down play the way he has treated you. Even if they don't approve of your decision, if they love you they will help you. This group has a lot of good info, and will give advice and info on councilors in your area for free. http://www.family.org/. If at all possible, get him to agree to counseling first, even if you have to move out for a while to wake him up.

Answer 5

your family may frown on divorce but if they care for you at all they will realize that there is a time when divorce is the only option. I have a friend who is very religious and yet the time came when she had to realize that God does not intend us to be victims and she divorced her husband. She would be better able to give you scripture relating to that but I can only remember the line about casting pearls before swine, which is sounds like this guy is. He is domestically abusive to you and that shows he didn't take his vows seriously as to protecting you you need a divorce is for no other reason, the fact that if your son sees you put up with this me may well subject his future bride to the same thing and it is better he be raised in a single parent family where abuse is not permitted. I will give you a web site relative to domestic violence which may help Remember Jesus said to shake the dust from our feet when leaving the house of an unbeliever and so you should do just that, shake the dust from your feet and move on to better things. Good Luck to you I have another site I will give you as well dealing with marriage and divorce and you may find some answers there as well.

Answer 6

Honey, it sounds to me like he abuses you every single day. He has an anger management issue and No ONE, I repeat NO ONE has the right to beat you down either physically or emotionally. Sadly, you are exposing your 2 year old son to this behavior and setting him up to make the same pattern. Either he will become an abuser himself or he will stand up to defend you one of these days and be physically hurt. You, are responsible to give yourself and your son the best possible chance to live a happy life. You are not responsible for your husbands angry outbursts. He is an adult and he is making these choices and taking his frustrations out on you because he can. Your family may frown on divorce, but they will be laden with guilt and rightly so, if you stay because of them . Get your self a little money gathered up, the bank account information, the marriage and birth certificate, and your child and go to your parents or a friend or a safe shelter for women. If you still love your husband and I know that is possible despite what he does, insist that he go and get marriage counseling and anger management classes. You need to get a restraining order against him and any other things that the womans shelter advises you to do. Then LEAVE. Think about those Other women who get written about in the newspaper. Did they think their husband was going to kill them? Probably not , but are they here now, No. Do what you know is the safest for your self and this innocent child. No one who loves you, would fault you for saving yourself and your son.You can't change anyone but yourself and your husband has to be the one who changes.

Answer 7

You are in a situation where you are being verbally and physically abused. (I don't care if it was a year ago ... shoving, punching, and hitting ... AND HANDS AROUND YOUR NECK ..... THOSE ARE ALL ABUSIVE ACTIONS!!!

Go on line or call information .... Get the number of a Shelter
for Battered Women .... (doesn't matter if you consider yourself one or NOT .... tell them what you have said HERE!!)

These places will offer you counsel, support, and options!!!

You need to take this seriously and you need HELP. If you don't do this for yourself .... do it for YOUR beautiful son! Your son is being harmed by being exposed to your husband's behavior ... and EVEN worse .... studies show that
if you don't ACT to remove yourself and your child from this
environment ..... YOUR SON WILL GROW UP TO BE AN
ABUSER TOO!!! Please do NOT allow him to think that it is O.K. to treat women this way!

Call a Woman's Shelter NOW!!! (You know that you don't want to live this way .... And trust me .... YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO BE TREATED THIS WAY!!! .... It will be VERY hard if you have to start your life over ..... but YOU and YOUR CHILD will be MUCH better off.

Everyone deserves PEACE and RESPECT in their OWN
home .... And from those that "claim" to Love them. Your
husband is "sick" and needs therapy .... The shelter will make
suggestions about what you "might" do to persuade your
husband to get help. (Howeverly ultimately it will be HIS choice!) .... You TOO have a choice ..... Choose to do what's best for your precious child!

Answer 8

Honey get out, get help and do it fast. Don't let the cycle continue.

Ignore your family's views on divorce, this is about the safety of you and your son. This marriage will not work and your son will NOT be grateful that you stayed with a man who abused you for his 'sake.' Do you really think that an abusive household is the best one for your son? If your husband can be abusive to you, the woman he's supposed to "love" do you really think he won't do it to his son? Do you want your son to grow up in a household where he learns that beating a woman and screaming at her is alright?

I don't think so.

Look for women's shelters in your area, talk to the police. Have a bag packed and hidden so you and your son can leave at any moment.

Find somewhere, anywhere to take you in so you can get out of an abusive home and keep your son safe. Get a restraining order on your husband. From a distance find out if your husband really wants to change by telling him to take anger management courses and therapy.

I know you say your family is very religious and doesn't believe in divorce but I'm sure they don't want their daughter in that kind of situation or being beaten and nor do they want their grandson in that house either. You're supposed to honour your spouse in marriage and your husband is not doing that.

If he says he's going to change and hasn't, he's never going to change.

Get out. And get out fast.

Answer 9

Yea, sounds like a real winner here and you want to make this work for your sons sake?? I doubt that very much. As if that's healthy. It sounds like you're just too ashamed to get a divorce and have your family look down on you. If he abused you before you had a child with him, you're an awful mother. If you don't leave him, hopefully someone takes your child away.

The fact is, that you can't change your husband. He will only change if he wants to and he has no motivation to change. Your a doormat and he loves you for it, but he doesn't love you.

Answer 10

You sound exactly like my mother! She's been putting up with this for I don't know how long I can remember. When I was like 11, my parents were going to divorce. I told them not to (stupid of me) and they stayed together. My dad is very verbally abusive towards my mother and I. I think that you should divorce him. Although your family has very religious beliefs. It's your decision on how your relationship is going to continue. You have the key to change it all.

Answer 11

I recommend counseling for you, although he needs it the most! You need to find out why you would allow this behavior.
If this continues you must leave. If your family have a problem with that then tell them to live there. It's not healthy for you or your son. He will grow up and treat his wife the same way.
Remember, we teach people how to treat us. If you are a door mat they will walk all over you! Good luck.