HOw do I get through to him? Or is he right?

Question

My boyfriend continues to talk to his ex (of almost 3 years ago whom he only dated a month) who he still has feelings for. He says nothing will ever happen between them (which I believe) but he always seems to leave an open door of possibility for her (like not telling her we live together, or keeping anything about me on his Myspace even rejecting me as a friend "to avoid problems"). It really bothers me that he does that, but whenever I want to tell him how I feel he gets upset and doesn't listen. It never ends well, I just get really frustrated and start crying. I don't know what to do. He tells me I'm a jealous person (which I wont deny) but I'm more logical, and this is just beyond jealously, right? We've been living together for the past three months and I wont be able to move into my own place for another month or so. I want a way to work it out, not just leave because besides all that, I do really love him =(

Answer 1

It sounds like he loves his ex more than you.

Sorry babe, you deserve better than that. Move out and move on.

Answer 2

He won't add you as friend on his myspace " to avoid problems", what problems? Does he date someone else on his friends list too? What problems?
Tell this JOKE to talk to someone much younger and much dumber, cause you aren't listening to this sh*t anymore.

I know how hard it is to accept what anyone else say's when you truly love someone (obviously in your case enough to move in with him), but reason is reason and excuses and avoidance of discussing it is obvious. He will not bend, he doesn't even care that it makes you cry? That is obvious as well. No man that loves you could stand to see your tears.

You aren't being jealous, you're seeing him for what he really is and the truth is, he's "selfish".

If you are hell bent on working it out, then make him jealous. Actually call an EX and ask them to help you, add him on your myspace page too, and remove your live in by saying " to avoid problems". You may NOT get what you want, but you may show him 2 can play the same game.
Personally, I would just leave and not be bothered with games, but you have to stand up, in one fashion or another. Don't EVER be his or any other man's doormat!

Answer 3

Im going to tell you this from a guys perspective so take it how you want. His ex is around for a reason just think about it for a sec. Why is he denying you on myspace? Why is he denying YOU as a friend to avoid "problems"? And why would he tell her about you guys living together. There is something going on. Its obvious he still has feelings for this ex and not that much for you. Cause if he did he would respect your wishes and try to listen to you. Just keep your eyes open and dont be nieve about the situation! Let God guide you!! Be blessed

Answer 4

"Besides all of that..."

He's basically rejecting you (his girlfriend) to keep things calm with his ex girlfriend. If he and his ex are JUST friends then why does he have to keep you basicaly a secret (or to "to avoid problems" = putting you 2nd to his relationship/friendship with her. Anyone deserves better then that... so it shouldn't be "besides all of that" because "all of that" is a big deal.

I understand you love him but step out of the box and see that you deserve more. It IS more than jealousy. You have a right to give him a ultamative. I am dating a guy and I'm friends with my ex boyfriend whom I dated for 2 years (3 years ago). We're still friends but my boyfriend knows about him and I also gave my boyfriend the choice of me not talking to my ex (out of respect) however, because I have nothing to hide I 1) told him about my friendship with my ex. and 2) He doesn't have a problem with it. That's trust. That's healthy.

Sweety, hate to tell you this but seems like he's making you second best...Every girl deserves to be number one in a man's life.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Well if a person loves some one.
Even if they are apart, there will never be any one to take their place.
Unless he can move on and forget her, you will only be a second replace meant.
Even if you live together, you will only be second choice, I am so sorry, but you need to find some one that can love you with out feelings for some one ells.
I supose I love my ex and no one will ever take her place, so I find it difficult to have another realethionship, it would not be fare on that Lady, that I see, if I still love some one ells?

Answer 6

i know that you know that something fishy is going on.
if you know that he is leaving an open door and that he wont even add you on myspace then why are you still with him.
i know you may feel like you love him but you deserve better.
believe it or not there are knight in shining armors out there we just have to get past the 2 timing jerks.
dont let him yank your chain and make a fool of you.
a lot of times when a guy gets defensive and blames the problem on you its usually because he is guilty.
i went through something like this.
i dated a guy for 3 months.
i really liked him, but he always talked to and about his ex.
finally one day...that just happened to be my birthday...he let it slip that he really wanted to sleep with his ex.
i broke up with him and havent been happier since.
he ended up getting a 14 year old pregnant. he's 19 now.

Answer 7

Unfortunately, it sounds like he does not share your feelings. After such a long time, still having contact with his ex is abnormal and disrespectful to you. Saying you are a jealous person is a cop out. The one statement you quote him on "to avoid problems", is a huge red light. I'm afraid this will not end well. You should not have to demand respect. Time to hit the road.

Answer 8

Some thing will happen if she ever gives him a chance. He is letting her think that he is free and single and there for her. I would not put up with this if I were you. There is no need to hide you to avoid problems. He is lying and blaming it on you. Love him or not he is not good for you and this will not end well if you stay with him. Take a good long look and really think.

Answer 9

If you feel uncomfortable about the relationship, he should respect your feelings. Since you are not married and living together, you both are leaving the door open to have other relationships in the future. You have to ask yourself does he really love me or is he just spending time with me.

Answer 10

Move on...and kick his b.tt! He does NOT love you, even if he says he does. If you love someone you don't talk to an ex girl friend you dated just for a month and that was even 3 years ago.... this dude is weird. Dump him! You will be better off with somebody else. Maybe you will even meet your soul mate!

Answer 11

Your the girl in his life now, he needs to wake up and realise that. I think its ridiculous that he doesnt accept you to avoid causing problems with her....shouldnt he reject her as a friend to avoid losing you???! Theres nothing wrong with being jealous, hes YOUR boyfriend. When you love someone like that, jealousy is only normal. its human. I cant believe he would hide you like that!! it sounds almost as if he is ashamed to have you as a girlfriend! as harsh as that sounds. He needs to get his act together, he doesnt deserve someone as caring as you!!! Im sorry for how horrible it sounds, but you deserve better, unless he gets his act together. I wish you the best of luck :)