2007-12-07 11:44:39 · 65 answers · asked by shellya 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION> who would want to talk about it? And that would make me drink. Have you intiated hanky panky with him?
2007-12-07 11:47:13 · answer #1 · answered by dpcarras2007 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
It's less uncommon than you might think. The questions are follows:
1. Is the drinking a problem?
2. Is it that he WON'T or he CAN'T perform?
3. Is drinking contributing to a problem performing? Does for most guys.
4. Does he drink INSTEAD OF sex? Does he drink BECAUSE HE CAN'T PERFORM sex?
Unfortunately, the only person who can answer these questions fully is Himself and he's not the one who made the submission. The only person you can control in this scenario is yourself. Get thee to a good marriage counsellor to talk about what's happening FROM YOUR PERSPECTIVE. This will help you clarify events and your feelings about them. Get a referral from GP. MC will likely want to meet with both of you. If husband won't go, you will at least have a pro with whom to discuss your options. The reality is that men feel no compulsion to change as a matter of self-analysis and reflection, probably because we have accepted so few roles in the culture compared with women. There's much less pressure. The only trump card you have here is leaving. Sometimes guys will take the ball IF you do all the work of finding the help and arranging the appointment, which you'll do if you believe there is something in the relationship worth saving.
2007-12-07 12:03:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds too weird....
This means you were a virgin then when you married him.
No sexual, mature, and independent woman...
Could...or Would.....put up with this.
Specially.....that he WON'T Discuss it. Meaning he doesn't have enough respect for you...to even...try....to talk about the issue at hand.
Sounds like you are with him out of some kind...of convenience. You either don't want to go back to your parents house or, you think there's really nothing for you out there, because...
He's ALL you've known.
Get out......don't think about it. Just leave. This is not healthy at all. I'm surprised he's not beating you already. He sounds like the dominant force that's keeping you from doing anything..or saying anything at all.
Just find someone....a friend...a family member...a counselor, find someone TOMORROW...who you can talk to. Don't be afraid to do it, make sure the person is someone you can trust ok?...
Because you need to find a different place to live.....and move to....and get a divorce...as soon as you can or....this will get bad. Because you want answers he doesn't want to give. Soon he'll get angry, and then you will be scared...and stuck for sure.
Go and talk to someone.....There's someone out there that can help you.
Good Luck Hun,
Lucy
2007-12-07 12:24:40 · answer #3 · answered by Photographer, USN Wife & Mother. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, and I think once a week is too little.Sweetie you should discuss this with him and a marriage counselor.Sex isn't what a relationship is based on but 5 years and his drinking too,something is probably wrong and you need that third party professional to help heal whatever the problem is.I wish you luck and if he won't go to counseling then it's up to you to get out and start living a happy fulfilled life:)
2007-12-07 11:52:29 · answer #4 · answered by superstar 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Hi, i can see where this might be a problem my thing is he has a choice he can either discuss it or he can go on living like he is ....................with out you ! now it does seem like he is depressed just for the fact he loves to drink more like hiding his feeling and lack of communication to his own wife talk to him tell him you love him but it bothers you that you and him have not made love in a very long time and ask him if there is somthing that is bothering him ? I don't want to scare you but he could be one of those guy's who just don't like sex very rare of course lol. still to this marriage is not all about sex just ask yourself do you still get goose bumps when he says those magical words I Love You? does he still say it ? do you still find him incredibly sweet and attractive? does he still make you smile and laugh? then you should try to make this marrige work by going to see a marrige councler but if sex it something you must have then mabe this guy was not for you . Hope this Helps ! God Bless,
Heather
2007-12-07 11:54:17 · answer #5 · answered by must_love_dogs_and_me 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My child,
You must really be in love with him for bearing along with him for so long despite the total absence of the basic requirement of a married life. You have tried hard enough. And so,unless you want to go down as a devoted Sati Savitri of Indian Mythology, it is better to leave him if for nothing else than yourself. I am afraid drinking has sapped his strength for a normal wedded life and may be he is beyond redemption.You must really be loving him that you have gone along with him so long but not only all good things but even bad things have an end.
2007-12-07 11:53:54 · answer #6 · answered by Prabhakar G 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can honestly say that I'm in the same boat as you. I have stayed for the children for a long time, thinking it was the best thing, but I don't believe that anymore. Parents are supposed to teach their children how to love through their love for each other...and that is not what's happening for me. So, I've decided to start saving money and I'm making a plan for myself for freedom. If he doesn't care enough to discuss your relationship with him, you are better off without him. You can and will be happier on your own.
2007-12-07 12:03:45 · answer #7 · answered by mel89rey 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
And why are you subjecting yourself to this hurt? If he has an obvious drinking problem, and love isnt so great it's time to get out. 5 years is a long time to go without the physical aspect of love. If he wont discuss it and isnt willing to try therapy or counseling then it might be time to visit your lawyer!
2007-12-07 11:48:24 · answer #8 · answered by Kris 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
This is completely abnormal and unhealthy. Get some assistance quickly. Drinking and being inattentive to you is wrong and you deserve so much more. See a counselor and get help. You should be happy in your marriage. Is there someone else he is having sex with perhaps? They say if men are not getting sex at home they may be seeking attention outside of their homes. Address these problems directly and take steps to correct these problems.
2007-12-07 11:49:17 · answer #9 · answered by justclicktherubyslippers 5 · 5⤊ 1⤋
And he would be by his drunk azz self too. Why are you waisting your time? He has a problem that he does not wont to work on and a sexless life and wife that he careless to explain to her what is going on with his life. If you left his drunk azz I'd bet he will sober up and go get some Viagra. It is not fair that he hold your life hostage this way. Why are you letting him?
2007-12-07 12:01:14 · answer #10 · answered by Go GO Ressa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
5 Years???? Holy crap r u kidding? Then what kind of a relationship do you people have? Why are you still married to this guy? Is he Gay? How do you not discuss it, it's obviously a big problem.....I'm just shocked...
2007-12-07 11:52:38 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋