what do you think about arranged marriages?

Question

yes, they still happen. i'm actually watching a "True Life" right now about it. Also, Bust magazine printed an article about modern Indian women who choose arranged marriages. These ladies call themselves feminists.

i think if it works for them, great, but i could never trust my family to pick my husband.

your thoughts?

spuddy: yeah, i agree with that. like bijou said, "live and let live"

Answer 1

I don't see a problem with someone that wants to have an arranged marriage. If they had the opportunity to do otherwise but wanted to hold onto traditional and cultural values...more power to them.
I think the men and women that have arranged marriages should meet before the wedding and get to know each other a little bit though.

Agreed...I don't know that I would trust my family to pick out a husband for me either.

Answer 2

The problem is your asking the question from a background culture that is very much against the idea of arranged marriages. To cultures that grow up with the idea, it makes sense to them. When I was living in Japan, I was amazed at the amount of women that said they wouldn't mind an arranged marriage. It didn't make sense to me. But I learned that in SOME instances, an arranged marriage provides a very stable and healthy relationship.

The idea of an arranged marriage is that the two will grow to love each other and the marriage is based off of mutual respect, not love. As love can be a fickle mistress, the marriage is first based off of respect. Love grows in time, and the foundation of the marriage can prove to be much stronger and longer lasting. Oddly enough, arranged marriages have a far lower divorce rate (and yes, these rates were assessed in cultures where women had the right and cultural acceptance to initiate divorce).

Does this happen all the time? No. Would I have one? No, but then again, I grew up in a culture that despises the very idea. My only argument is that some cultures accept and understand the concept, and who are we to bash it if it works for them? It is so very American to look down our noses at another cultures customs and way of life.

Answer 3

When I first heard of it I thought it was ridiculous and I thought the divorce rate would be sky high, but then reality struck and I came to know an Indian couple whose marraige was arranged. I learned that the divorce rate amongst such marriages is VERY low in comparison to the U.S. divorce rate. Then, around the same time, I met another couple. The wife is Greek. They told me prior to their generation, marriages in Greece were commonly arranged and also had very low divorce rates. Both couples told me one reason for the high success of these marriages is the fact that no one knows you better than your parents, after all they spent half a life-time with you, so isn't it likely they might know what type of person you would work well with? I can't deny that the facts say most of these marriages work. And contrary to popular belief, the couple usually have the option to reject the spouse the parents have chosen and then the parents would look for another. The Indian couple I spoke of had only acouple of meetings and several conversations on the phone before they accepted the parents choice and married. They are still happily married today and several years have passed since I met them. It changed my thinking although I don't think it will ever be common in the U.S. Americans have become too obsessed with the "its my decision" mantra to ever allow such a thing. To be honest I can't say I would have liked my parents choosing my spouse, but then maybe I'm the ignorant one. Like I said, I used to think it was crazy but the facts as I know them speak differently.

Answer 4

I have a good friend who has an arranged marriage. They've been married 10 years and she's constantly trying to figure out if he loves her. They have a very good relationship and he treats her in a loving way but she has so little experience with life and other men that she can't see that love is in everything he does for his family. They never had the courtship like other couples here in the states and he never says THE WORDS, so she's very insecure. Even so, she says when her sons grow up they will send back to Indian for spouses if they aren't married to someone of their approval by age twenty-five.

I think she could be happy if she'd just let herself be but I sure am glad I was not raised to accept arranged marriages.

Answer 5

My ex boyfriend might have to have an arranged marriage. If he isn't married by 30, his parents will chose someone for him. They already have a girl picked out, and have been putting pressure on him. He is a senior in high school.

I have an Indian friend who can choose to have an arranged marriage if she wants. She doesn't want to though. I don't see how it is feminism, though. Feminism is about women being independent and not letting men control them. Feminism would be her choosing, it seems. What if her husband beats her or has affairs? She wouldn't be able to get a divorce.

I personally would not want one, I wouldn't want to get trapped in a marriage with someone I don't know or love. Though I would trust my family to chose someone good, I would much rather fall in love at my own pace.

I also think noone is perfect, and should be allowed to make mistakes. If I married someone cruel who beat me or became an alcoholic I would want to be able to get out. I don't think divorce is a bad thing. I am willing to bet that most divorces aren't because the couple decided they didn't love each other any more, but because someone had an affair, was being abused, was depressed and not getting the most out of life.

Answer 6

I dunno. I think maybe it would be nice to have arranged marriages as an OPTION like if you were single and having a really hard time meeting someone and you were so lonely and stuff.

I've heard that arranged marriages often last longer than regular ones and have a significantly smaller percentage of domestic abuse because the families know one another so well. Also, the families work together to help the young couple buy a house and get all the stuff they need to be financially secure.

As long as it's the woman's choice and she isn't being forced into it, I take no issue.

Answer 7

I can’t help but thinking it is somewhat barbaric.

Also, there has been controversy latly in Europe and the Middle East over marriage arrangements.
I was listing in to a report by MPR (public radio)I can’t find the link, but it was about numerous documented cases (so many that some Middle Eastern governments are looking toward reform) of middle eastern men “sweeping” women (or their families rather) off there feet, moving them to other countries and marrying them for the dowry. After a couple months the family of the groom starts demanding cash money, cars, and homes… if the family of the bride doesn’t pay, them they threaten to kill or hold the bride hostage until the families pay.

This link is similar…
http://www.humaniteinenglish.com/article612.html

Answer 8

I think their are pros and cons for arranged marriages.
If the parties have met beforehand and are agreeable to the marriage I dont see any harm in it. After all marriage is a contract and n an arranged marriage both parties know what is expected of them and love often grows with time and familiarity. Parents often have wisdom that young people dont.
When us westerners marry for love - we are often deluded as to what makes a good husband/marriage and after the in love feeling has gone there is not a lot left - hence the divorce rate.
In both cases you get successful marriages and poor ones.
I do think that people in loveless arranged marriages should not be trapped in them and ostracised or killed by their families if they try to break free.

Answer 9

Within the Lebanese community I have seen examples of happy arranged marriages, and abject failures. The failures were when kids still in their teens or early twenties get married. HOWEVER - divorce rates for this age group is the highest of all accross the board, regardless of whether the marriage is arranged or not. With this in view we shouldn't take this as a huge surprise.

"I divorce thee" X's three
And its all over.

There seems to be a fair amount of divorce, and I expect divorce rates in this community to rise as women have more opportunities available to choose from.

Answer 10

yea, most indian and pakistani, afghani, bengali, iragi (that whole region) has arranged marraiges still. when people come to the countries such as the U.S, arranged marraiges still continue here because it's their culture.

It happens because they're new and are really "into their culture." maybe when two or three generations pass, then the trend will proably go away (i perdict) in families in the U.S, because they are accustomed to western ways and want a love mairrage.

i am a first generation kid here, and i think it just sucks!! i don't want my parents too pick someone for me!!
but in the end, i'll find a way to make it work for me AND my parents by picking someone that they like as well. :)