Here's the situation. My partner and I seem to be regaining our footing in what has been an extremely difficult few months. We're happy and having fun with one another again and we are in a very calm, spiritually affirming place with each other. I love her, and she loves me. Here's the problem. She has been having very sexual oriented dreams of late, and I'm not in them. She has also, in a very light hearted way, called into question my fidelity. I'd never be unfaithful to her, but I feel that there is a level of seriousness in her jesting. When I don't call home, or come home late from work, it's always "were you having sex with one of your sluts at the office??" and then, of course, she laughs it off. The other day, however, she really was upset that she couldn't reach me; I could tell by the sound of her voice. She said, "I tried to reach you on your cell and at your office and your not there. What are you doing?" Is she insecure, does she feel I would do something like that to her?
2007-12-07 09:26:31 · 21 answers · asked by dominia 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Without going into detail, I came very close to cheating on her, but pulled back and didn't go through with it. She found out about it and it was if I actually did cheat. And way beyond that now, but could it still be haunting her?
2007-12-07 09:41:03 · update #1
maybe she's guilty about something
2007-12-07 09:29:48 · answer #1 · answered by YUMMY1 6 · 0⤊ 3⤋
You don't say why those few months were extremely difficult. Did something happen then that would cause your partner to lose trust in you and feel insecure?
Try being extra attentive, be where you say you'll be when you say you'll be there, give it (and her) some time (unless she was the reason the going got rocky, if which case, that's a whole other story!).
I don't agree with some of the posters here that she must be guilty of infidelity because she's accusing you.
Some women need a lot more reassurance that they are special to the man they love.She may be one of them!
2007-12-07 17:44:12 · answer #2 · answered by pat z 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You worry too much. So what? She's had some sexual dreams.....haven't you ever had any sex dreams? The fact that you are threatened by THINGS SHE DREAMS ABOUT almost sounds like you may be controlling. She's ASLEEP, man, she can't help it!! Understand that she didn't HAVE to tell you about these dreams, evidently she must trust you. And as far as her questioning you, just make sure you mess with the sluts at work and also, make sure you are ASSESIBLE to her when she tries to get ahold of you. Actually, you BOTH sound pretty insecure.
2007-12-07 17:44:13 · answer #3 · answered by Michelle B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you've never given her a reason to think that you're cheating or would ever cheat on her then there is no excuse for her behavior and accusations. She may be feeling guilty for her own actions. In order to know, you will need to ask her why she accuses you of infidelity. You will need to tell her how you feel about her accusations. Most importantly, you will need to ask her if she has been unfaithful. People with things to hide think others have things to hide.
2007-12-07 17:47:03 · answer #4 · answered by Caligirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Need info on why the extremely difficult few months to know what we are dealing with.
You say you are regaining footing so if you cheated on her,
she will always be insecure. That is what cheating does to a person. Why someone would do this to someone else is beyond me.
If she cheated she is feeling guilty or perhaps still wants to be with the other person.
2007-12-07 17:33:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Yes it is haunting her and I don't think you are going to recover from this... Because you feel that you are way past it and she feels that it is still raw...She is still hurting and you need to help her get through this...If I were her I would have dumped you and not think about it twice.....But you have a woman there that for some reason feels that you are worthy of another try.... Take it slow its going to take a long time for her to recover from your deceit..And there is no almost cheating because you had the thought it and amost did...
2007-12-07 17:50:45 · answer #6 · answered by diva102288 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should be asking her these questions.I think it is time to sit down and have a talk with her.Tell her everything you just told us.She sounds insecure and some of that may come from your previous difficulties and some may just be her .Do your best to reassure her that you are happy and would never disrespect her by cheating.Unfortunately some people cannot be convinced that they are unnecessarily worrying.Good luck with all of this.
2007-12-07 17:34:00 · answer #7 · answered by Tom S 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Dreams are just dreams, but maybe she dreamed you were unfaithful and it makes her uneasy.
Now about the "office sluts" - Are you flirting with them? Do you have firm boundaries at work? (Keeping it strictly business?). If they dress trashy, avoid them like the plague.
If it's coming out of her mouth, then it is in her mind - you need to assure this woman by both your words and behavior that you are a faithful guy.
Do not flirt, ogle, do porn, or cheat - at all!!!
Introduce her everywhere as Miss Universe & My Beloved Bride.
If women come to talk to you about anything other than business, refer them to your wife - yes, that's right! "My wife know all about that, go talk to her" or "my wife would know what to do, etc."
Joy to you!
2007-12-07 17:44:08 · answer #8 · answered by frillyfroofroo 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
there is no infidelity
I feel just like her and you feel very bad
if my husband is late 30 minutes I am sick,
I am going to seek help because
I am very unhappy and make my h. unhappy.
I am marry since 93 so this is crazy
but it started suddenly when my husband asked a secretary for dinner
when I was out with a girlfriend.
he recognized his fault, but now i am sick about every thing he does after or during working hours ,
besides being at his desk.
you see your wife maybe has some reason for her behaviour. think about it , help her its hard ...................................
2007-12-07 17:46:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If those " extremely difficult few month" included infidelity on your part everything makes sense. She tells you about the dreams she may or may not have to get back at you. That she does not trust you after you slept with someone else is not hard to understand.
2007-12-07 17:36:15 · answer #10 · answered by Kira 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Very normal to have fantasies about others. But she does sound a bit immature and not very confident in the relationship if she is having trust issues and accusing you of fooling around just because she can't reach you. I'd suggest that you attempt to reassure her of how much it means having her in your life and that you are now and plan on remaining faithful to just her. Best of luck to you both.
2007-12-07 17:32:28 · answer #11 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋