My miltary husband in Korea wants a divorce out of the blue. Please read to help me decide what to do!?

Question

Hi All:
Thanks for reading my blog. My husband and I have been married for seven years and have grown a lot since we married. I have been by his side for this long and am completely devoted to my marriage. Just so you know, I have been through many TDY's and 2 deployments at 8 month stints. Well, he left for Korea in Sept 07 and called me a couple of weeks ago and said that he has never been in love and thinks he wants a divorce. I am thinking "What the heck happened?" I asked him out right if he had had any other relationship with another woman and he said no. We have had a wonderful and trusting relationship 100% of our marriage. I would not be married to a man I could not trust 100%. SO-anyway, he is suffering from lonliness, boredom, post-war combat stress (which he shared with me a couple of days ago on the phone, until then I had no idea) and is just very confused. I need to get an opinion on whether I should wait until he gets home to talk to him face to face in Feb?

Answer 1

If it was me, and I truly loved him, I would wait and talk to him face to face. Maybe it is "fixable" and maybe it is not. A really shi**y thing to do over the telephone, especially right at Christmas.

I wish you the best.

Answer 2

this seems like a very complicated issue...he just told you a couple days ago that he has been suffering...for how long??? and of course he is suffering from boredom, and lonliness, but why has he waited so long to tell you about the post-war combat stress? It seems like he thinks that you will not understand...and I don't think that you ever will. give him time..give him the divorce if that is truly what he wants. If he knows it was a mistake and wants to get back together with you then maybe you can....but for now, be thankful that there are no children involved. I may seem harsh, but the reality of it is, he wants a divorce...give it to him and move on..if it was meant to be, he will come back. If not, at least you know now and not another 7 years from now! I'm sorry for the pain you are going through....and I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 3

Best to wait and talk to him face to face as he
is still your husband. However being in the
military for 22yrs and dealing with several
marriage problems of my soldiers that I was in
charge of , he probably found another woman
in Korea. Speak to him directly and you as his
wife will find out one way or the other and if he
does want a divorce then seperate first to give
you and him the space needed to think it over
and during that time period you will know for
sure what the outcome will be. If it comes to
that, divorce, you still have your life ahead of
you and go forward, even though you may
go through some rough times, remember
you have a life also and don't let anyone stop
you from being happy. Good luck.

Answer 4

I really hate saying this and I only say it as personal experience. Please keep in mind that just because this was what happened to me - doesn't mean that your husband's doing the same thing. With that said, my ex-husband started off not "wanting" me. I think we went months without doing anything. Suddenly, he started talking about wanting a divorce and I couldn't figure out why. It was long before I went snooping and found a note from a girl. I wish there was something I could say. I hope I'm wrong. Best of luck!

Answer 5

If you have the money, I'd hop on a plane and get over there ASAP to talk to him. It is strange but true -- sometimes a person needs the other person so much, and can't stand constantly being apart from them, that they think it's better to just break it off. This happened with my girlfriend and I once, and I immediately hoped on a plane to go see her. It worked wonders (we're married now). He might just need a hug and reassurance from you. I'm living in Korea now, and I'll tell you, it's a rather depressing place at times, especially in the winter. Seeing someone you love can help change all perspectives.

Answer 6

Did it ever cross your mind that maybe he has been doing alot of soul searching while in Korea? My little brother was deployed a few months ago & he tells us that while he misses all of us that suddenly he has found out who he is & what he wants from life, somtimes they get out their & thier in a whole new world, the cultures different, their lives are on the line day to day & they begin thinking about what is really important in life & what isnt? Alot of men leave their familys as one man & come back as another, they change, sometimes for the good & sometimes not, the thing that worrys me is the fact that he claims to have never loved you, ouch that hurts, but why would he come out and say such a hurtful thing? Is their more to this then what your letting us in on? I mean, geez, thats a bold out of the blue statement & one that must be taken serious, I wish ya the best, Penelope

Answer 7

don't agree to anything until he gets home and you can talk face to face, when he's not under the stress of being at war. Maybe that is really how he feels, but maybe he's developed a warped sense of mind, it happens. War is stressfull, and can do crazy things to a soldiers mind. There are too many possibilities that I could mention, and not enough space, but all of them end in: don't give up, his reasons for feeling the way he does are probably not rational, and are brought on by your situation in life. Whatever you do, while he is over there, no matter what he says, tell him all your feelings of love for him, he needs it. I hope everything works out for you. Give it time.

Answer 8

First, I'd like to say I'm terribly sorry. This is very hard. I honestly think you should wait until he comes home to talk face to face. However, they don't always come home when they say. If he REALLY has never been in love with you, honestly there's nothing you can do. Talk it over with him and try to see if he'll at least be willing to TRY and work through it. Maybe even try marriage counseling. Hope I helped even the tiny bit. Wish you the best of luck.

Answer 9

Hi,
I'm also married to the military and has a husband that has PTSD and TBI, hes actually deployed right now...as you know being with a soldier is NO easy task....especially if they are infantry like mine...
if this was me.i would personally go to Korea..show him you love him and you care, he obviously loves you otherwise he wouldn't have been married for this long....but I'm all about "Actions speak louder then words"
so no i wouldn't wait till Feb i would go up there and prove to him and show him.
but if the financial budget isn't there there are always "hop flights" that the military will fly you for free (dont really suggest that tho) but yea if the finical budget isnt there then you have no choice but to wait but when you do see him make sure its the best night ever
no arguing!
hope it helps
dealing with someone with PTSD isn't easy
but you can do it :)

Answer 10

I think you should talk to him face to face because he might just miss you. Guys have a very awkward way of expressing their feelings sometimes. Hopefully he doesn't really want to divorce. But if he does, more than likely he has found another woman or just can't handle being away from you for so long and doesn't know what to do.. Just wait to talk to him before you do anything drastic!
Good luck!

Answer 11

I have never been married but this definitely sounds like the result of post-traumatic stress syndrome and you might have to deal with the fact that he might not ever get better. However, even if he says he doesn't love you, he needs support from those who love him, so I would continue to talk to him, try not to pressure him about anything, and just show him that you're there for him in this tough time. I would definitely wait until you see him face to face before you decide anything drastic about your marriage.