How do you handle a moody, sulky husband?

Question

I love my husband. We've been married for 25 years, have two grown children. He's kind, sensitive, helps around the house, talks a blue streak when he's happy--so why am I complaining? Well, when things don't go his way--usually when he wants sex and I don't--he goes into a sulk the next day. He'll claim he is fine, but he is standoffish and moody. He can be very passive/aggressive and he mopes around the house like a big baby and I am the big bad wolf. It's like he thinks he deserves so much sympathy and coddling, but it makes me want to just kick him. He also gets upset easily at other times--flies off the handle and has little temper tantrums. He has never been physically abusive of me, but he is perfectionist and critical and very detail focused. My daughter once put it that he lived "in a very little world." I joke that if I didn't know better I would swear he was gay. But his sulking is really getting to me--How can I get him to see he is acting like a spoiled baby?

Answer 1

throw some diapers on him!

Answer 2

This is how he is. You can't change him, but you can certainly keep the situation from getting to the point where you want to kick him. Can you swallow a little pride and meet him half way on some of this for the sake of making life easier for everyone.? Take sex for instance (because that is the example you gave)...can you not give him a "happy ending" without going all the way and just be done with it? I think the 5-10 minutes spent doing that would be worth not having a whole weekend shot with his sulking, standofishness, moodiness, etc. Just a thought.

Answer 3

I can see my husband when you describe yours.
the same story a big baby very king loving hudsband and father
and then he was 50 and had a big party and I saw he had changed.
Now he needs much more sex than before and he was just like yours ....
so I changed too I had to or it was the end of it, as other women will do what you wont do, if you know what I mean and we have a a great life big holidays etc.
I looked for other ways other paths for our sexual life. I made a big change, very personal
and I started having much more fun with him....
and he has changed all together.
Its not boring going to bed with him anymore and I am actually looking forward to that since we discovered more fun things....and he stopped being moody.
Try some sex toys and he will become a big man and stop being your baby.

Answer 4

I would choose a strictly behavioral approach. When he gets into moody-town, be ready: you're going to brightly suggest that you go out and do whatever your favorite activity is (preferable favorite thing to do together). If he refuses and sulks, say, "OK, bye then!" and leave. AND DO IT. Go have your fun. Now you're not brooding over his sulking, and he gets all the enjoyment of refusing his favorite activity.

Keep doing it. Set an arbitrary deadline - say two hours. He gets two hours of sulking, and then you suggest having fun, he refuses, you leave. You do need to actually go out and do the fun thing, though, or it won't work. You can get in a great workout or run, or go dancing, or anything that will perk you up instead of watching a person being dull and mopey.

My .02.

Answer 5

Yip, my husband sulks over everything. I also feel like kicking him, but that would give him the ammo that he has been looking for to go on sulking forever. Made plans for tomorrow for just our 3 year old girl & I to go and watch the new Tinkerbell Movie. He can sulk all day at home tomorrow if he wants.

Answer 6

Communicate more with him.Instead of judging his mood changes,appreciate them.Everyone has there issues,and alienating him will only drive the poison deeper.Try to get to the root of his underlying issues.He sounds like he still reacts to lifes situations in an immature manner.Help him with his insecurities,and love him.Don't let some of these responses ruin your marriage.No one can fully understand your pain looking from the outside.I am saying be open minded when dealing with him.We all do not handle things the same.He had these behaviors when you fell in love with him,so take the responsibility to work with him.

Answer 7

I'm sure you don't mean it but you speak of him with a very disrespectful tone. You knew he enjoyed and needed coddling as you called it when you married, so what's changed. How often do you say no to sex, maybe to often, in that case I'd pout too if I were a guy. Maybe you need to cut this guy a break and be a more understanding wife.

Answer 8

I just ignore him and enjoy the silence. LOL!
If he wants to sul and be a @sshole then I just let him and go on about my business. If he is being a real moody jerk I go to his wallet, take out the credit card and go for some retail therapy!
Don't let his attitude get you down. If you KNOW you have done nothing wrong and he has no reason to be angry at you then ignore his sulky butt. It was hard for me to learn to do this, but over time I have learned to just give him space, ignore him, if he says something rude or tries to pick a fight I just giggle & walk away, and I really do enjoy the quite time sometimes. My husband has a wonderful way of trying to make me out to be a villian if I "b*tch" so I just say my piece, get it off my chest and leave him alone. I do not give him the power anymore to make me feel bad. My hubby is naturally moody and sulky so I have to deal with it alot. It really does not bother me in the least anymore like it used to. In the past I tried to make him happy and tried to make him snap out of it..........It only made him take advantage of that so I STOPPED treating him like a child and starting ignoring him. It works........If he is still moody after you show him that it doesn't bother you then that only means that you have more time to dedicate to pampering yourself. In fact, my husband sounded ill on the phone earlier so I have already made an appointment to get my acrylics filled in at 6:00PM.........he is not going to bust my good mood. He can get GLAD in the same shoes he got MAD in but I will not sit around and watch him with his ill face on! I am sure when I get back from the nail salon he will be in a decent mood..........MAYBE EVEN A GOOD ONE~either way........I don't care.
Ignore him and focus on you! Seriously! Don't give him any power over you and your happiness. Good luck!

Answer 9

Suggest, not letting him sulk in your company. Have nothing to do with it. Remove yourself from his company every time you see it displayed. Have a plan for going out to get milk, shopping, visting friend, relative, every time he sulks. It is a form of unhealthy seething anger directed toward you. It will destroy you, if you do nothing. If he is still sulking when you return, then each time calmly suggest he seek counseling from someone qualified to help him deal with his unproductive sulking. Be sure to not to allow yourself to be provoked.

Answer 10

I don't feel like I can give you advice when you've been in your relationship longer than I've been in mine (only 10yrs not even close to your 25), but he sounds just like mine is he a Taurus too? I just walk away when he gets into one of his "moods", and I'm happy when he won't speak to me. Oh well, I figure I'm no piece of cake either. Hay, I think there's a group called, something like, "I know he's a jerk, but I'm going to keep him anyway." just somewhere to swap "isn't he a jerk" stories. You just have to tell him "Your acting like a spoiled baby" and deal with the tantrum that follows. Sorry, but its true.

Answer 11

At this late stage?? I don't think you can. What you DO have control over is your being around it. So when he does that, leave. Go to the store, go for a walk, go anywhere. If, when you come back he is still at it, leave again. Go to a friend's house. If he complains, tell him that you choose not to be around that kind of behavior.

He then has the choice to stop it or continue, and that's his choice. Yours is to choose to be around it or not. It's in your hands, what you want to be around or not.