me and my wife getting divorce, but 2 months ago she already introduce her boyfriend to our daughter, also she told our daughter that she has brothers means that the boyfriend childrens are her brothers. My wife plan to bring her boyfriend to our daughters school special events, like sports, musicals, field trips, etc. Now my question is how can I deal with this?, my daughter its getting very confused about it, some times she have hard time to sleep, she start having problems at school, and she cries a lot for me, she only 6 years old. Our divorce its not final, maybe 2 more months or so. Please I need your advise.
2007-12-07 08:17:19 · 15 answers · asked by Antonio G 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
N.S. said it! I too get sick of the "children will get over it" and "children will bounce back" and "children will adjust" rationalizations that people give for excusing such brainless behavior! I am a MOM first, and even though I have remarried, I have had the common sense not to force any man into my children's lives unless the man was going to be a permanent addition to the family! No matter what people think, it is not healthy for children to have people shuffled in and out of their lives. Keep very close ties with your daughter, and contact your lawyer. Courts do not take these things lightly, it does damage children.
2007-12-07 08:40:13 · answer #1 · answered by Daisy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may just be me but i think that it has probably been too soon to introduce another person into the family life. As a mum your wife should have realised this. Speak to your wife. Don't do it so you sound like your being bitter about her new relationship. Tell her that your child is having bad dreams and problems since this has happened.
if it was me i would have waited until a while after the divorce then introduced him as a friend for a while and brought him into my daughters life slowly. I think it was a bit callous of your wife to start telling her 6 year old daughter that she now has brothers and sisters. Your daughter is still probably trying to come to terms with the fact that her mum and dad are not together without all this new confusing stuff. The only way to deal is to speak with your wife. You getting someone new in your life would only confuse your daughter more. If your wife's new man is any kind of man then he'd understand and wait before pushing himself into your family. He has children so should know better.
2007-12-07 09:02:01 · answer #2 · answered by Cinderella 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to bring this to your lawyer's attention. Your ex needs to remember that being a mother comes first and if these new changes are effecting her daughters life negatively then she needs to slow it down. Get a notebook and start writing down times and dates of when your daughter comes back upset from her mom's. Get a time line showing the course of events. When you separated, how long it was till the new guy was there, how soon was your daughter introduced to his kids? All these things are confusing enough as it is then you throw the fact that she's still dealing with her parents separating and not living together SHE'S ONLY 6 YEARS OLD! People disgust me with their selfish attitudes towards being a parent.
2007-12-07 08:26:23 · answer #3 · answered by n.s. 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Just tell your daughter, that although you and your wife dont love each other, you BOTH still love her. Dont ever talk badly about a mother to a child, and vice versa...kids can get really messed up by that. TAlk to your ex-wife and tell her what is happening and maybe she needs to slow things down. if you come across as jealous, it will only make things worse. You need to just relax. Divorce is a nasty thing. The last thing you want is for your daughter to think it s her fault.. You need to stress to her, that no matter what happens.. she is loved...no matter what!!
2007-12-07 08:38:25 · answer #4 · answered by Leannamick 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit your daughter down and talk to her. Tell her that it's her mothers choice to bring this man into your lives, and that you have no control over it. I would also bring the fact that your daughter is upset about this new guy to your wife's attention. I would hope she would understand and try to accomadate for the time being. About custody..if it's shared and you know your daughter feels more comfortable around you due to this man..always pick her up at her mothers house..and never let her mother or the boyfriend drop her off at yours. Seeing you "come into" her life and get her is much better than having them "drop her" into yours.
2007-12-07 08:25:30 · answer #5 · answered by lulu 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You dont have to deal with it. Are you jealous that your wife has already move on? Are you using the child as a scapegoat?
If you want, talk to your soon-to-be ex and let her know that you feel the child is confused.
If you were really concerned about your daughter, you would still be in the home. I'm sure you and your wife could have worked out whatever problem or problems you were having.
You only have yourself to blame now....
2007-12-07 08:22:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
i commend you on being a respectful and responsible parent, unlike your soon to be ex. your ex definitely pushed way too much onto your child to deal with all at once. no it's not wrong of her to have a boyfriend already. not wrong for her to want the boyfriend to be part of her life, and ultimately her daughter's life. but a child, especially, needs time to process it all. i'd suggest going into family/divorce counseling. both of you parents need to put the child before and above your own wants right now.
2007-12-07 08:34:56 · answer #7 · answered by celticbuddha 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
help your daughter accept the new situation by fully accepting it yourself. ask her about her brothers. be friendly to the new bf. be friendly to the new brothers. help your daughter feel that it's normal. going against what the ex is doing will make things worse. show your child that things are fine. it's great to have new brothers.
when the divorce is final makes no difference. be a grown up man and smile and be one big happy family. go to school things and even sit near the new bf and your ex. don't make your daughter choose.
2007-12-07 08:22:45 · answer #8 · answered by Sufi 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It seems your wife went too fast. The best thing you can do is be there for your daughter and tell her you love her and spend as much time with her as possible-let your wife make her own mistakes
2007-12-07 08:30:11 · answer #9 · answered by Lunaeclipz 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can get some counseling to help you deal with it. Don't bring it up to your child. Tell her that her mom and you will always love her. Find someway to help you find a new life for you. If your daughter goes to school counselor that might help.
2007-12-07 08:27:16 · answer #10 · answered by answerlady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋