Okay.So Ive been married for over a year now in November. Last year for Christmas my spouse and I didnt handle the situation very well.For us hispanics the 24th is sacred as well as the 31st.It's FAMILY time. He went to his mom's and I went to mine.How do I tell him nicely, that this year i would lilke for us BOTH to go to my mom's, & next year we'll go to his ? :(
2007-12-07 07:49:58 · 21 answers · asked by woop dee doo 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Many years ago when we were first married and lived close to both of our families, we worked out a Christmas schedule that worked for us. We had Christmas Eve with one set of parents, Christmas day with the other. The next year we would reverse it. Everyone was happy.
2007-12-07 08:40:42 · answer #1 · answered by dawnb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it is tough! Thankfully my family has a big christmas day and my husbands family has always had a big christmas eve celebration. Works wonderfully!!!
Perhaps if you tell him that every other year you will rotate. For example for Christmas 2007- your family christmas eve, his christmas day. Then NEXT year his family christmas eve, your family christmas day?
Best to figure it out now, it will get MUCH worse once you have kids!
Both of you AND your families need to realize that you have to share sides. (My mom has a big problem with this for other holidays and we just do an every other year thing. WE are happy with it, and that is what matters!)
2007-12-07 07:59:29 · answer #2 · answered by Therapist 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just be honest with him and say that you want to spend the holiday with him and not separated from him and offer a 'system' of sorts where one year you do your family and the next his. Thats a very reasonable compromise and it makes sense that you wouldn't prefer to just spend it apart.
Another suggestion I'd throw at you is splitting your time with both families, this is of course assuming they are within driving distance of each other. See which side of the family starts their celebration earliest, go there for a few hrs and then go to the other sides' party and spend time there as well.
You should definitely not be afraid to just talk honestly with your hubby, it'll be better to be honest.
2007-12-07 07:56:43 · answer #3 · answered by shila 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's just it...it IS family time. You and your husband are the "family" now...not you and your mom and dad and him and his mom and dad. You two should be together. It's fine for you two to go to someones house, but you shouldn't split up for the holidays. If you are worried about how he will take the idea of taking turns year to year offer to go to his mom and dad's this year. When you have kids don't let people pressure you into going anywhere. I put my foot down last year when my inlaws threw a fit about us not going to their house for x-mas. Kids want to run out to their own living room, see what santa put under their own tree and open presents with their mom and dad. You are building your own family....so you have to break away somewhat from your own parents.
2007-12-07 07:58:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him. It's the way it works for SO many families. It's how my husband and I do things. And even though it sucks to not be with my family for a holiday, I go along with it because he's my husband and his family is mine now too. And he feels the same way when it's the year to go to my family's house. How about going to your parents on the 24th and his on the 31st? That way it evens things out.
2007-12-07 07:54:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds good. why not take it a bit further and suggest you mom's for the 24th, his mom's for the 31st this year, and the flip of that next year.
be sure to really have this set in stone, because when kids start entering the picture it'll most definitely be an issue then.
2007-12-07 08:04:33 · answer #6 · answered by celticbuddha 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Now what kind of family time is that ..........he goes to your mom's all pissed off if you have it your way . tell your mom to have it earlier or later time or that you just going to come for dessert she should understand one day you're going to be a mother and your kids will be faced with the same situation.I told my kids"I'm always happy to see you ,but if you have to force your spouse to come to my house because it's the right ting to do and maybe end up arguing........go with him/her and have a good time we can have our own Holiday other time as long that we can spend some time together
How about you invite both sides to your house and make party
2007-12-07 12:29:40 · answer #7 · answered by glass half full 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should divide the 24 and 31st. Go to your in-laws on 24 and your family on the 31st or vice versa. Whatever you do, don't skip a family out, and don't go anywhere alone. You'll have bad karma for the rest of the year.
2007-12-07 08:00:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How about on the 24th go to your family, then on the 31st go to his family? Split the days so that each of you is with your family on one of those days. I'm not Hispanic so I don't know the importance of those dates... so why not split those 2 sacred dates with each of your families? I'm sure they will understand.
2007-12-07 07:54:04 · answer #9 · answered by Riley's Mommy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you do, you have to do as a couple. Just tell him nicely that you'd like for the two of you to go to your Mom's and then go to his family next Christmas. I hope you get what you want.
2007-12-07 08:49:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋