Ok it's starting to get a little frustrating now!!!?

Question

It's sad that I can actualy count on one hand the ammount of times my wife and I have had sex in the past 3 months. Granted there is alot of pressure and stress on her and I right now, but still. 2 times in 3 months? What's going on?

I am told by her that I am the perfect husbacnd, I help out, she asks I do, we spend time togetehr, our relationship is great! But now it's getting to the point where I do not even want to touch her, or kiss her goodnight in fear of a fight. If I bring up the subject of sex or try to come on to her, I get the cold shoulder or the "is sex all you care about?" question. (answer is No by the way) She just doesn't understand that I enjoy the intamacy and want to pass on my affection to her in that way.

Talking to her doesn not help, she doesn't listen and just gets angry

How can I get her to understand me? I don't push her into it. I'm feeling rejected, I'm feeling un-loved (which really isn't true) I feel insignificant. I don't know what to do. It's geting me pissed and I'm getting some bad thought in my head.

ladies, help me out, please.

Yes I touch her afectionately constantly without trying to initiate sex. I'm always scratching her back, kissing her cheeks, etc....

I pat her butt all the time (she has a nice but) hug her, kiss her neck while she's cooking....

Answer 1

Being a woman myself who has went through some of the same problems, she's probably stressed out over something and has alot on her mind. That can definately cause a decrease in the sex drive! I would recommend showing her you care in other ways, like cooking her a nice dinner so when she gets home for the day, she can sit down and relax while enjoying your meal. Buy her flowers. Get her a card. Give her a back rub to help her relieve some of the stress from the day. Draw her a hot bubble bath so she can go relax..maybe light some candles to go with the bath. Give her a gift certificate to go pick out something for herself, like at a Bath and Body Works or something nice like that. Maybe she's looking for a different kind of affection right now. Try something like this and it might help her loosen up and maybe she'll come right out and talk to you about what's bugging her and you might just get the affection you're looking for, too! Good luck and I hope this helped!

Answer 2

This is a question of priority. You are the active sexual person in your marriage, she is not. This doesn't mean the situation can't change. But it will take patiences and compromise. Women don't view sex the same way we do. If theres bills, kids, financial stress, all these things combined can cause her not to be so incline into the sensual aspect of the relationship. So, it is not that you are not attractive or fullfilling, is just that the situation is not the most appropiate for her to feel erotic. A weekend get away,,second honeymoon, or even as simple as leaving the kids with a babysitter, could make a world of diffrence,,,Hope this helps!

Answer 3

I understand what you're going through. Both of my wives had a different relationship with their sexuality than I had with mine.

One thing to remember is that women tend to have certain requirements for their sex drive to be released. I've noticed that as stress goes up, men will often feel a greater need for sexual release, often as a way of releasing some of that stress and tension. Often it is just the opposite with women. Most of the women I've known in long-term relationship have needed to feel safe in order to be able to open up enough to share sexually. If there is too much stress in her life, if there are unresolved conflicts, she probably won't be able to open up...and any attempt to encourage her to will be seen as even more pressure.

You are helping when she asks. Are there any times when you can anticipate a need before she asks? My relationship with my ex reached a point where even cuddling was seen as sexual pressure. If you have not fallen to that level, try being in the moment and enjoy what cuddling you two share.

We're about to have lunch. I'll finish once I get back. Good luck!

EDIT: Back from lunch. I wonder who gave me a thumbs down.

I read your additional comments. Good that you two maintain that contact. Treasure it. Even my best relationships have had periods of little or no sex, but as long as the cuddling and such is there, things are still hopeful that you can get "to the other side."

Try to see what is stressing her. See if there is some area where she doesn't feel like the two of you are communicating. There could be something she is needing to tell you but she isn't sure how to say it. In the mean time, it may be simmering in there and making her more distant. If she can trust that she can communicate whatever might be bothering her, then things should be better in the long run. It may be tough going when you two have to deal with stuff, but it is worth it in the long run.

One thing that helps is to create a special space. Going out for a weekend vacation may sometimes help put th both of you into a more relaxed sexual mood.

The key thing is to maintain respect and consideration of each other. With that, you two should be able to get through this difficult time and have your passion back.

Good luck!

Answer 4

You said yourself that there is alot of stress, that can cause her to turn off, what you didn't say was how long you's have been married, maybe she's bored of the same old thing. Have you tried to romance her or change things up? There could be so many reasons, from lack of intrest to hormones. Best thing to do is try talking to her again about how you feel and what this is doing to your relationship. If she gets mad, too bad, let her get mad, this is an important part of a relationship and if there is a problem your intitled to know about it.

Answer 5

I'm going to catch it for this answer, but here goes anyway: She is too self-centered to consider or even care how her actions are affecting you. Lots of women today have this crazy sense of "entitlement". It's not give and take anymore, it's "what can YOU do to meet my needs". I see it all the time and it's an easy trap to fall into. I work daily to show my husband that he is priority. I want him to have the best of me, not what's left over after work, kids, stress, etc. It all boils down to maturity and priority. You make time for what's important to you. Remember that! I wish you well. You are more understanding than most, and you are getting the short end of the stick! Best of luck!

Answer 6

I get the same way sometimes. Is she on any medication? The reason I ask is because if she is, it could be altering her desire for sex. I am currently on this medication for anxiety and it makes me feel discusting. Sometimes, I have lowered self-esteem at times and just do NOT want to be touched whatsoever. Do you give her her own space? I require at least a day to myself a week to get things done and then I'm usually ready for the next week. Also, you might want to just try leaving her alone and see if she comes to you to talk about whats going on with her. I know when my b/f (I know its different than a marriage, but I've been married before too) is too in my face, he ends up driving me nuts and I just want him to leave me alone, but once I get my alone time, I'm ready to ROCK! hehe.

Answer 7

You have given too much and need to pull back so she can start to value again.

I would start with money. I would say you let her spend all she wants. I say budget your FAIR HALF of the expenses and put the rest in a separate savings account.

Focus on FAIR and stop just GIVING her everything to show you love her. By giving everything you have you just become a walking wallet or maid or handy man or gardener.

If she really loves you then she should be happy with you not doing everything.

Women want to be with a man the is their equal and not some whimp who does everything they want.

Answer 8

sounds like someone at sometime did something to turn her off to sex. you say you spend time together, and your relationship is great, but if she thinks that sex is all you want, your fooling yourself, the relationship is not so great, otherwise she would want to be close in bed too. how long have you been married? how old are ya'll? I've been in her shoes, after catching my spouse cheating & lying to me. It still has me questioning his every move, and I don't always feel comfortable with him in bed. It's hard to be passionate with someone you don't trust. Maybe you should look at what was happening when the sex slowed/stopped? There are clues, you just have to open your eyes to find them. &^maybe get counciling. good luck!!

Answer 9

this sounds unhealthy, there is a study which claims that couples who don't have sex for 2 weeks or more usually end up in divorce, ask her to see a councilor, you need help if you want this relationship to work, sex is an important part of a marriage. i think it's deeper than just sex, she may be in pain at which point she needs to go to the doc. tell her you need and want to go see a councelor, it is so important. you are right for understanding the danger of your situation. good luck.

Answer 10

There is so much to discuss on this. you should send me an IM. but um lets see....
There has to be a reason why she feels the way she does. That is the underlying key to this all. Once you find out what that is and it could be several things. You will get the intimate part of your life back.