After dating my b/f of seven years I found out after two years that he was a convicted felon (drug possession w/ intent to deliver). I decieded to stay w/ him at that time and we now have a three year old child together ( I have two children from a previous reltionship). "Bob" works for a mom and pop food place at 11 dollars an hr, w. no benefits and this is as far as this job is going. I on the other having been a single parent am working hard at making life comfy for myself as I have returned to college and plan to go as far as I can to self suffient. I know Bob makes little money and he does have some faults but not unlike anyone else. However I cannot shake the feeling of being "Bob's meal ticket. Bob is limited in life. After seven years, I called it quits and put Bob out so that I can find a man w/ freedom and earning potieintial who can contribute evenly. It is hard on the family to have him gone, but I want the best things for my family. Am I being selfish?
2007-12-07 07:15:49 · 12 answers · asked by nene 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I carry the health insurance for the family b/c the job he has or will get does not offer benefits. Although I love him, at times I just feel cheated and that I will always have to carry the family. I have suggested he return to school but it does not change the fact that people will not employ him with a felony. Bob does not participate at the schools w/ our kids (a teacher that helped convict him sat on the jury) he always is fearful people will find out and pre judge him. Bob is carfule about divuguling info to the neighbors and uses my maiden last name when we talk to the neighbors so they do not find out that he is a felon( we live in a nice neighborhood). I just feel cheated, it is tearing the family apart to have him gone but I want a man who is free.
2007-12-07 07:25:56 · update #1
No, I don't believe that you are being selfish. However, I do believe that you may not have made the best decision to put him out. If Bob is your husband then most people marry for better or for worst, for richer and for poorer, sickness and in health, until death do you part. The problem when it comes to separation and divorce is that when you took those vows, you 1st took them before God and then other witnesses and usually without any stipulations such as: if Bob doesn't make enough money or he has a felony. Your goal is to find a man with more freedom but, Bob has as much freedom as you and any other man. He can seek self employment or even a part time job. I don't know what your religious beliefs are but, I believe in God and I know that I can do all things through Christ who strengthenth me. I also know that marriage is of God so the devil will try to attack your marriage in many areas so that it doesn't succeed, but you have to be strong. You can find a man with millions of dollars and he mistreat you and your children. Things can be worst off than you think you have them now. Money is not every thing. Relationships undergo many ups and downs there are times where you feel that you can do anything together and times when you feel that you can do nothing together. There are times where you will feel in love and there are times when you will feel out of love but, your marriage relationship should be a partnership. That means that in some areas you may give 70% and he 30% and other areas he may give 70% and you 30% but together you make 100%. I dont know what your percentages are. His weakness may be not earning enough, but you have to ask yourself (what are yours and does he support you?). If you can say that you are giving 100% on everything and you have always done that and you don't BELIEVE that he is capable of change, then I guess maybe you need to go back into your prayer closet or get one. Don't make him feel as though he is not on your level. Keep your man lifted up, encourage him, say nice things and do nice things even when you dont feel like it and maybe he will have a new motivation to be more successful because he knows that you support him and that you will be there for him even if he fails.
2007-12-07 08:17:11 · answer #1 · answered by Kim S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stevens isnt convisted yet, he has an appeal which is warrented I do think Obama should be disqualified because he cannot pass the security clearance for even a mail man McCain tells all, Obama only reads what the write on the telepromter, lies about McCain are minimum because people are scared of him and they are rampant at a rate of over 30 new ones a day about the Govenor because the Socialist are Scared out of their wits about her because she is becomming the new power house of the Americans ( cant say rep party because we are al the best of all parties except the Socialist and Communist party )
2016-04-08 00:06:43 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not being selfish you are looking out for the best interest of your kids. YOu are being the responsible one in the relationship. Im sure Bob feels guilty as it is that he cant support his family so its just as hard on him but he did this to himself. Go one with your life and give your kids a good life.
2007-12-07 07:20:12 · answer #3 · answered by llexiann30 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there's still a lot of jobs where a convicted felon could work and earn decent money. If he's open to construction or learning a trade some opportunities exist for ex-cons. Also if he stays clean for i think 7 years he can apply for a pardon, which opens up more avenues for him
2007-12-07 07:23:19 · answer #4 · answered by CHARLES R 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hope I can make it a little easier for you although I believe you love him,you may no longer be in love with him.Oh yes there is a difference.If you were truly in love with him death couldn't seperate you.Love suffers all things and it endures all things.You certainly need someone that the two of you will become one in marriage.May the Lord show you your husband.
2007-12-07 07:44:51 · answer #5 · answered by ROOSEVELT M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say that you should put yourself in his shoes. It is obvious that he feels really ashamed about the felony. To me that is what is stopping him from succeeding.
Maybe by you kicking him out it will encourage him to do more if he wants his family back. If he tries to do better then I say take him back. If he stays complacent then you did the right thing.
2007-12-07 07:44:41 · answer #6 · answered by AlS 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to do what is best for you and your family and I applaud you for doing whatever that may be, but it would have been much easier for all involved if you would have come to this conclusion before you got so involved and had a child together.
2007-12-07 07:25:13 · answer #7 · answered by ashley g 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are doing right for you and your kids move on that is the only thing you can do take care and keep going forward.
2007-12-07 07:22:14 · answer #8 · answered by Lost 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no, you are not bring selfish. it sounds like you are the only one who is trying to better yourself or your situation while he works whatever job he can find. why has he not tried to go back to school or get a better job. i know he's a felon, but it is possible.
2007-12-07 07:20:51 · answer #9 · answered by redpeach_mi 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You aren't being selfish at all....you are doing a wise thing....Like you said....you felt like his meal ticket for 7 LONG years...
2007-12-07 07:21:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋