(Guys: no offense but if you don't mind I really think I need advice from a woman's view on this, thanx)
OK my friend is very close (a best friend) and she is rather sensitive. She also is totally innocent. She has not had a bf yet but I know she likes guys. But she likes me too now so it's a little awkward and I feel that it's a part my fault from being too affectionate. I mean now we kiss when we say goodbye and sometimes hello and I didn't stop it because it didn't bother me and I do feel close if that makes sense?
But I picked up on her having more feelings for me and I think that we should talk but I'm not sure how? I just want her to know that she IS close to me and I don't want to Not be friends but we are friends and I have a bf (she knows him) and I just can't go there with her.
Can you give me some advice how to talk? I really don't want to hurt her feelings or anything and this is a new situation for me. But I realise this is new to her too. *sigh*
2007-12-07 06:57:44 · 10 answers · asked by ♥ ~Sigy the Arctic Kitty~♥ 7 in Social Science ➔ Gender Studies
like i said .. it doesn't bother me when she kisses me but i would be comfortable if I knew we understood things ..
2007-12-07 07:39:40 · update #1
pwrgrlmanda: LOL! good attitude being open minded but there's the small details.. like I love my bf and he can trust me not to betray him ..
2007-12-07 09:25:19 · update #2
lady_b_luck and i was just about to say that about being like that with a friend thank you! :)
2007-12-07 09:29:53 · update #3
I would talk to her, just the way you are talking to us. Perhaps a little bit less direct, at first, just to know where she stands.
Talking about emotional things have the risk of hurt, but not making the "air clean", can deteriorate a friendship and create resentments from both sides. I am a believer that honesty is always the best. If you are worried, let her know this, I am sure that she will feel how a great friend you are and thank you for this.
Sometimes by being afraid of hurting someone can have the outcome of more hurt.
Just be yourself, and I am sure everything will be fine, talk to her the way you always talk to her and everything will be fine
2007-12-07 07:38:49 · answer #1 · answered by Flyinghorse 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well then!!!
This is like a deja vu thing.............lol.
The same thing happened to me once!
Ok, if she already knew that you have a boyfriend and couldn't help feeling the way she feels about you,it's a very touchy situation.Let's hope that you are reading more into this than what it is.
In the event that she would come on to you,you will need to set her strait and explained to her that you considers her as a friend and that you never sees her in that way (as a lover).It might hurt her feelings but the longer you wait to do this,the deeper her feelings for you will get.
Luckily when that happened to me,we were able to stay friends after I explained to her that she a good friend and I would hate to lose our friendship over this.I also told her that there are so many other girls out there who would love to get with her and if something were to happen (like arguments with her lover)who else would she confide in, cause I will always be there for her when she needs advices.
She understood where I was coming from and I also understood why she developed feelings for me.It truly helps when you talk it out,you'll be surprised how things ends....lol.
2007-12-07 09:45:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her you are against dating close friends. Too many people lose their best buddies because they date them and you don't want to do that. I have told all my friends that. With a couple of them I am the only one they haven't had sex with so they trust me the most. Plus if you date then you know a side that you shouldn't know about a friend. Might want to cut back on kissing just because it gives her the wrong idea.
Good luck
Beth
EDIT: Same sex relationships are more of the same. The whole idea behind this is she is your close friend and being with a close friend will ruin the friendship.
2007-12-07 09:19:17 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since she knows you have a boyfriend, I would hope that she wouldn't try to take it a step further. If you bring it up randomly, it might hurt her feelings no matter how nice you say it, so maybe you can just leave it alone for now. Like Rio said, just be a little less affectionate and hopefully her feelings will fade.
2007-12-07 07:11:23 · answer #4 · answered by smoofus70 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a lovely compassionate friend. Crushes on the same sex are normal. I've had it happen to me, but I kind of gaffed off that friend, unfortunately and regretably. It was long ago,tho. Especially if your friend's never had a boyfriend. I know you will find the right words if it comes down to it. By the way, my friend didn't turn out to be lesbian, not that it matters. Good luck and God bless you!!!
2007-12-07 07:23:15 · answer #5 · answered by zen 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My advice is to try to be less affectionate with her for now. Don't say anything unless she does — there's a chance that you're completely misinterpreting things, and you wouldn't want to humiliate yourself by having that discussion with her out of the blue. If she does say something, tell her nicely that you aren't interested in her, or other girls, like that.
2007-12-07 07:05:50 · answer #6 · answered by Rio Madeira 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
try being less affectionate and maybe bring your boyfriend around a little more. maybe if she sees the two of you together she'll get the message without you having to have a talk with her. this may keep things from being awkward. if all else fails, just sit her down and tell her whats up:if she is really your friend, she'll have to respect your decision and feelings.
2007-12-07 07:14:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Just like with a guy, once someone has feelings for you it will never be 'just friends' again. It is a friendship killer.
2007-12-07 07:07:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
i say, get a bottle of wine, share it...talk and kiss and snuggle and do it.
you can't diss it till you try it.
2007-12-07 07:41:10 · answer #9 · answered by pwrgrlmanda 5 · 5⤊ 3⤋
Duh tell her you are straight noone can get offended over that
2007-12-07 12:47:04 · answer #10 · answered by Tiberius 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋