I'm not a feminist, but....who cares?

Question

I'm genuinely curious about some edits to responses I've made, one in particular: "Teleeceee: you are one of those "Im not a feminist BUT feminists" - you enjoy the benefits while at the same time unwilling to self-identify." Why is this an issue for people? And should every single woman HAVE to call herself a feminist because the crew says we must? For that matter, should every man also call himself a feminist since feminism has done so much for both genders (according to said feminists)? Please, enlighten me about which labels I simply must adopt.

Just felt the need to add: I have a minor in Women's Studies and was proudly feminist for a number of years. I have chosen to dismiss that label for a variety of reasons. Despite this, I still work as a volunteer for causes considered feminist, I still do things that are considered to be what feminists do. I do these things because I care about humanity, but I have grown weary by the constant male bashing in which feminists engage. I dare say that I do more for "feminist" causes than most who self-righteously espouse feminism. So yes, I walk the walk but I will not wear that label because it has become negative and marred by zealots, some of whom are on this forum, one in particular who made that initial statement to me knowing absolutely nothing about what I do. So if that clarifies anything, I'm not sure, but I do not dismiss people who did a great deal for women LONG before the term feminism was even around.

Answer 1

I guess what is concerning to me (regarding some of your "additional details" comments to this question) is that you reject the label because you feel that feminists engage in male-bashing...and though it is true that some do, most do not. The same could be said for anti-feminists: some bash women, but most do not. And there will always be a few "bad apples" in every bunch- no matter what group of people you may be talking about. There are "good Democrats", bad Democrats, good Republicans, "bad Republicans", positive church leaders, negative church leaders, and so forth. No one group has "perfect" ideology, and yet many groups of people are not "all bad." That's like saying, "I reject calling myself human, because of people like Adolf Hitler, Jeffrey Dahmer, Ted Bundy and Charles Manson." I'm sure that those people called themselves "human," and yet they did horribly inhumane things. Because of them, should all of us reject the word "human?" To me, this does not make sense. Humanity has shown great capacity for good. Only a relative few commit acts of true evil.

But you have every right to call yourself whatever you please, or to reject any labels as you see fit. You're right, feminism is a sensitive subject, and it's because of the "bad apples" that it is such a sensitive subject. It's understandable that you may support feminist causes but fear self-identifying. Self-identifying opens you up to criticisms that rightfully do not apply to you. You're not one of the "bad apples." But please be careful that in your rejection of this label you aren't tempted to stereotype those who do accept the label. As I've said before, we're not ALL "bad apples," as you yourself should know.

Some of us who accept the label do so because we feel the need to set things right. If we don't, who's left? The "bad apples?" And if we let them define what feminism is, and we let them model "feministic behavior," it would not be long before women might be set back further from where we started from. If feminism has a need to exist, and I think it does, then we need positive role models. If all the positive role models reject the group, I fear for what is left, and I fear the impact this may have on women and society.

Answer 2

First, the term "feminist" has been used so broadly for the last 40 years that it no longer has any actual meaning of it's own, many people's definition is in direct contradiction to many others, so being "anti-feminist" hasn't any clear meaning either. Both are purely subjective on the part of any given individual. That said, you're rhetoric reflects a very sexist attitude on your own part. You speak of domestic violence and rape as being "women's issues", yet males, especially male children, are just as subject to such things as are women, yet you seem to dismiss those in the same way as you would criticize in others. Rape is a hideous crime no matter the victim's gender, I doubt any moral person would dispute that, but what about the falsely accused? Many self-styled feminists argue that men should be condemned out of hand on any woman's unsupported word, but how is it wrong to condemn a woman who makes false accusations, or too seek justice and exoneration for the male victims of their lies? Why do you believe that the gender of a suffering and innocent victim should take precedence over righting the wrong that was done? It's attitudes like that which cause many people, both male and female, to style themselves as anti-feminist.

Answer 3

I belong in your category. I care about women's rights, have more compassion for ALL (regardless of nationality & race) and do more to help women than a lot of self-claimed feminists with the label probably do. But I also feel uncomfortable with the apparent bias and subjective views some feminists function under. Not to mention I'm highly disturbed with the ideology of "one style fits all" and if you deviate in your personal choices from a "modern western woman," you're automatically an outcast. Women didn't fight for the freedom to choose, only to be controlled by the feminist ideology.

A lot of people need to understand the label itself and belonging to a group doesn't automatically bring virtue. So if you're a feminist and sit on your butt, judging housewives or male bashing, you deserve no respect. While a non-feminist who dedicates an hour of her time helping women in need, without needing to yell out loud what she believes in, is someone who deserves my respect. Like you said, you need to walk the walk, not just talk the talk.

I'm a woman with independent beliefs and values, I'm simply too complicated, unique and versatile to be boxed into a group.

Answer 4

To me, your experience is yet another example of the desire of many to polarize others into black and white camps. It is so much easier to view others as either "with us or against us" because that way no thought is required. Let me hasten to say that this tactic is by no means new, nor was invented by or restricted to "feminists." It is a very popular tactic of those at the extremes of any issue. Sign 'em up, tell 'em how they should think and shame and shun if they step outside the box. Seems to me the exact kind of thing that many women's activists speak against.

I find your questions and answers to be unusually thoughtful and considerate. I am not surprised that you are someone who actually does something to try and make the world a better place rather than just talk and complain. The argument that you benefit from the results of feminism and therefore should be calling yourself a feminist is a sad, sad, example of people putting contingencies on good works. Wouldn't a true "feminist" be glad that ALL women benefit from their advocacy? Or should only those who are willing to wear the button truly benefit?

Labels are convenient, but truly, actions speak louder than words. If others want to label you a feminist because of your stated positions, that is their business. If you choose not to categorize yourself, more power to you. And as someone above me has said. You rock!

Answer 5

I'm not a feminist butt, I'm content to be a horse's butt most of the time.

I haven't asked anyone to identify himself or herself as a feminist or anti-feminist. I have described myself as a non-feminist, meaning really only that I reject the 'feminist' label. It happens that I do subscribe to some few causes, among which there must be one or two that properly authenticated feminists would grudgingly approve.

The causes I invent for myself, quite idiosyncratically, with regard to my own circumstance, etc. I have direction, I have force (perhaps less than you); I have an agenda, with items on it that might not be too dissimilar to yours. We may be able to work toward some aims together, or perhaps only in parallel--and we may be enemies over some things. So long as we don't fall into the error of forming feuding tribes, we should be able to make some useful changes.

The propensity to totemistic nit-picking here when the label 'feminism' comes up annoys me; it spends talent to ends that matter very little to me. I don't want to learn how to pronounce shibboleth correctly, either. So I am completely in sympathy with women who would reject the demands of what I would characterize as taxonomic presumption; ain't you gals never heard of sui generis?

Answer 6

I find nothing wrong with you thinking for yourself and not limiting your views and thoughts to labels.
Most people seem to operate by them, especially in Western society, and when some choose to step outside of the organised and common notions and/or ideals, they are oftentimes criticised and judged.
As for me, I think it's great that you do not associate yourself as much with the labels, as to what you truly identify with and/or is part of your nature.

Each person is entitled to their own individual way of thinking, taking from all that they consider appropriate and beneficial for their personal growth and fulfillment, if others cannot tolerate that, because of lack of control (or whatever other reasons), then that is their personal issue.

Answer 7

I don't care what people label themselves, but I also don't understand what's the big deal if you do?

Just because someone calls themselves a feminist doesn't mean I automatically agree with them, like them, or assume they think like I do, anymore than I think people who call themselves Democrats would all believe the same way. I don't have to agree with any of the perceived or real feminist ideals or views, yet I can still call myself a feminist, or a Democrat, and I can still be pro-death penalty, pro-gun, a moderate capitalist, and barely an environmentalist.

I totally disagree that if you label yourself you've adopted a party line. Who on earth can agree on any party line, when beliefs and movements are in a constant state of change? I don't think that you have to label yourself a thing-but I don't see why it matters one way or the other, frankly.

Answer 8

A lot of folks are limited and can't read past labels.
Mention social-project or welfare and instantly you're communist! Make a point about immigration and you're automatically a Klan member.

Reject all labels, embrace all worthwhile causes.

Answer 9

labels, schmabels!

what *does* it really matter?

i was just thinking about this moments ago...
there are many people on this board that have similar views as myself, yet we have different "labels" for them & ourselves and therefore end up argueing about nothing but semantics... and when we finally get done wasting time & energy with that we realize we have the same views just use a different vocabulary!

Answer 10

Like you, I do not work under labels.
I am a woman.
That is good enough for me.
I own my opinions.
Sometimes they can be incorrect and when that is pointed out to me then I will always reconsider, I am never intransigent.