How do you handle the possibility that a child you raised could do something so horrible?

Question

My son is now under investigation for molesting his 6 year old stepdaughter. I don't want to believe it's true, but there is so much evidence against him and the things the little girl said in her testimony to the police aren't things a normal child can make up. Its tearing me up inside that I can't believe him when he tells me he didnt do it but there is just so much against him leading me to think he did. The little girl has accused everything from him beating her to molesting her to raping her to making her do things with his dog (she knew things about dogs that **I** didn't know if thats an indication of what she said in her testimony). Part of me wants to kill him and the other part of me wants to hug him and ask what happened and defend him against the things he says are lies. How do I stand back from this and let whatever is going to happen happen without it completely killing me inside?

My son is 30

Answer 1

1. Do not blame yourself for this.2. I would pray for God to give you the answer to resolve this in your own head. 3. All you can do is be supportive of your son; It's out of your hands at this point.4. Do what you can to help that little girl.

Answer 2

i'd might want to say who the hell are you to pick being there's no evidence to back up atheists beliefs besides as Christian beliefs. it is all a count number of religion on each and each and every area. besides, raising youngsters is an completely different situation as faith basically tackles one small element of existence for a relations. some households are gothic, some are activities geared, some are books smart and so on and so on and so on and those variety of features the mothers and fathers do will be indoctrinated into their youngsters even if the youngsters have say or not. it is why some strengthen up doing the "relations" company. My aspect is who're you or fairly a touch conceited to imagine that you'll tell any relations that the way they're raising their youngsters are incorrect. ultimately, have you ever met any childrens? childrens have a innovations of their personal and typically spend an excellent variety of time rebelling adverse to their mothers and fathers and some adverse to any authority figures what so ever. There are extremists on all aspects and certain each and each and every of the extremists want some severe help, yet back it is on all aspects. Even the proper households with wonderful morals, values, and so on even if religious or not have their truthful share of issues at the same time as raising youngsters and infrequently issues do not continuously practice the way one expects. Oh, and Hitler became basically born right into a catholic relations yet as a lot of you've became to atheism so did Hitler. So I agree nonreligious everybody isn't any better valuable then the Hitler youthful people. ***people have consequences to any crimes and are customary counting on their crimes of those consequences- what's the version?? are not those too threats merely as many say that some Christians declare or threaten hell.

Answer 3

I am not a mother, but I just wanted to tell you that no matter how excellent your parenting might have been, there are biological factors that may have caused him to act this way.

I don't believe that anyone would choose that path intentionally, it is just unfortunate that he ended up down it.

Although your son might have done something terrible, I do not necessarily believe that makes him a terrible person. Just a person that needed help, but didn't ask for it.

We will only live once. One life for all of us and then it's over. You have to make the best of any situation life hands you because it's not worth spending the rest of your life either blaming yourself (because it wasn't your fault) or worrying about something that happend. You have to try to move on, for yourself.

I have a brother that has so much anger toward me that we may never speak again. It used to bother me, but I have gotten past this by realizing that nothing is going to change and that he hates me for reasons I can never comprehend. I don't want to waste my life worrying about it.

Trivial, compared to your situation, I know. I'm not trying to say that your situation is easy either. I can't even imagine what it would feel like, especially as a mother. Just remember that there are still a lot of beautiful things in the world to live for.

Take care.

If any of this offended you, I apologize.

Answer 4

Keep using your support systems, get counseling, realize you did your best as a parent. Whatever you do don't give in to the feeling that you did a poor job as a mom. You are human so you must be going through all the feelings of guilt parents get when they learn thier child may have done something unimaginable. This type of crime is the result of mental illness and there is no way to tell how anyone gest that sick. There truely is no easy way through something like this and you will need all the support you can get. Don't let the situation isolate you from real people.

Answer 5

A cousin of my son in law was sentenced for molesting his niece last year. His father is minister and he said he always felt he would have no problem at all killing a child molester.... but he had no idea that he would have a son who became one.

This is such a hard thing to deal with, I am sure you are somewhat in shock over all this. It will take a while for everyone to come to terms with what has happened. In the mean time. Don't take sides, be supportive. And hope and pray that your son will take responsibility for his actions.

My prayers go with you.

Answer 6

If you did the best you could raising him, that's all anyone can ask.
After that, it's up to him to choose how his life will go. You aren't accountable for the decisions your adult son makes.



As a total aside here - these kinds of cases are very, very hard to deal with. The California daycare workers that got crucified based on children's testimony, and were later completely exonerated, raises troubling questions.

Answer 7

I think you should look into getting some counseling during this time. If you don't have much money, most places will see you on a fee scale based on your income (or even less). Please please please get someone like a counselor who is trained and can give you support during this difficult time.

Just remember that no matter what happens, you can only be responsible for you. You did the best you could as a parent and if your son did horrible things as an adult, there's no way you could have controlled that.

Hang in there. Good luck. :)

Answer 8

You created your son and its hard for a mother to realize that he has such a great problem. He needs therapy and support from you to get it. We never want to see the bad side of those we love but not all in life ends well. Pray that he can be helped and can lead a normal life. Remember, none of this is your fault.

Answer 9

this must be the hardest thing to be going through.

How old is your son when he did this?

Stand by his side no matter what and support him. But always correct him when he is wrong. But in a loving way. Everyone make mistakes some worse then others.

Answer 10

I'm sure that no one can imagine the pain you are going through. The tragedy of this is that families are torn apart. Your 6 year old will need years of therapy. Your son may go to prison and endure horrible hardships. You are devastated as is the child's parents (including you, her stepmom). Relatives and friends will analyze, blame, etc.... for years to come.

I strongly urge you to get therapy for all of this. You need an outlet for your emotions and the skills to deal with what is still to come.