he put it on our unborn babies life that he wouldnt look at porn. and i had a miscarrige... he went behind my back and looked at porn after he put it on our babies life. I'm so hurt from it! i dont no if im wrong to be mad. how should i feel?? Am i wrong to be mad at him??? he said he i dont stay with him he will kill himself.. what should i do?
2007-12-07 05:32:08 · 27 answers · asked by Toni 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
leave, that's what I'd do... a person who knows the spouse does not like porn, but, yet looks at it anyway does not care does not love them does not respect them, does not respect the vow forsaking all others...this means porn, too... find a real man, this one is a fake (looks at fake women lol) and is a loser... go on, get! =) good luck! =) don't let him ruin your life, that's what he's doing... and to those who think porn is not a big deal, well, it's a big deal to some of us... respect our feelings... if porn is nothing then it should be easy to stop watching it... hmmm???
2007-12-07 05:36:52 · answer #1 · answered by elvlayarvvi fEisty wife and mom 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I can't say much about the loss of your baby I'm really sorry....I can't imagine how that must feel. I'm six months pregnant and recently came across this same problem in my house and all i could do was try and stay calm so I didnt stress the baby out. But my husband and I got over it and after alot of talking and crying we are doing better than ever. Some people say "it's just porn get over it" thats BS you are obviously hurt about it and it bothers you and with the loss of your baby are feeling pretty vulnerable and angry. If you love your husband work it out if you can explain to him how much he has hurt you and maybe seek some counseling or talk with someone you both trust to be a mediator in your talking this out sometimes if you dont have a mediator it can turn into one big argument and can go in circles for hours. If it bothers you don't back down porn is wrong and has to do with lust his lust issue is not your fault in any way and he should be begging your forgivness right now. Good luck with everything again sorry about your baby. I do not believe though that the baby died beacause of the swearing sometimes these things happen and we don't know why but the last thing you want to do is blame it on your husband that will open up a whole new mess of problems for your marriage. spouses tend to blame there partners for a childs death alot and only bad things can come of it try to deal with the porn issue and forget the swearing part altogether. your going to need him to be there for you right now in your time of need don't push him away.
2007-12-07 05:47:01 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not entirely clear what happened here. Your husband swore to you on your unborn child's life that he wouldn't look at porn. You had a miscarriage. Did your husband look at porn before or after it happened? Did you make him swear on your baby's life that he wouldn't look at porn or was the particular wording of the oath his idea? Do you feel like there's some connection between your husband looking at porn and you having a miscarriage? (I can tell you right now that there isn't.) Did you want him to promise you he wouldn't look at porn because he had a problem with it (ignoring you in favor of porn, looking at it excessively for hours at a time, looking at it at inappropriate place or times), or did you just find it distasteful and tell him he had to quit right now?
The only real issue here is that you husband promised you that he wouldn't look at porn and he broke his promise. Swearing on your child's life - whoever's idea it was - was silly; a promise between two married people shouldn't mean any less if it's just that and not additionally promised on someone's grave, life, or whatever. You need to have a calm and serious talk about the porn issue with your husband, without bringing all of this extra emotion from the unrelated stuff into it. Tell him why it is that you have a problem with him looking a porn. Ask him what it is that he enjoys about porn and be willing to listen. Talk it out and come to an agreement that you can both live with. Marriage is often about compromise and watching porn is very normal and usually not something to worry about.
2007-12-07 05:49:34 · answer #3 · answered by Demon 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Swearing on lives... a bit immature. But I digress - it sounds like there are some serious mental issues if he's now threatening to kill himself after breaking a promise that was made on someone's life.
Porn - to each his own (really not that big a deal to me if my husband looks at porn), but since you asked him not to look at it, and you found out that he is, I guess you could be mad or upset. Sounds like either way, you two may need some professional help.
2007-12-07 05:38:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
"he put it on our unborn babies life that he wouldn't look at porn"
And this is significant, how?
Ok, so the guy likes looking at pOrn, you don't like it, and have told him so.
There are two things:
1) he could have no choice, being addicted, "they" claim you can be addicted to such things.
2) this has nothing to do with a miscarriage, stop *thinking* this, grow up.
If he respects you he will stop, he might need counseling, he might need a lot of support from you, but he can stop if he wants to.
It all comes down to respect.
2007-12-07 05:44:21 · answer #5 · answered by Crusty P. Flaps 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I disagree with the rest of your answers..PORN is wrong and
disgusting! Your man shouldn't be lusting over PORN...Why in the world would he want to "lust" over something fake on a piece of paper? Kinda sounds "wacko" to me. I mean, yeah as teenagers we are all curious..but as an adult lusting over illusions on paper..when he has a 'real wife and body in front of him'?
Have him to read all of Chapter 1 in ROMANS, in the King James Bible of course and you will read how God feels about
porn or anything unclean like that.
I know how your feel...I have lost a child before too..@ 33 weeks pregnant.
And him lying on your child's life...he needs to ask for your forgiveness (if he did lie)..and never do it again.
But, also keep in mind..it could be a very bad coincidence.
I do not believe God "kills" people. It may not have anything to do with your husband lying (if he did)...
I have heard..that some babies are just to precious to live in this world.
BTW, I hope you believe in God.
2007-12-07 05:48:50 · answer #6 · answered by Tenac33 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Speaking as a couples therapist, threatening to kill himself is manipulative, controlling, and a huge red flag.
Try this great guide:
Is Your Relationship Healthy? Some Questions To Ask Himself
http://www.hearts-and-kisses.com/relationshipadvice-is-your-relationship-healthy.html
2007-12-07 05:39:52 · answer #7 · answered by lovehealer 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
To think that baby died because of an action your husband did, is medieval thinking. Plain superstition. He will NOT kill himself. You two need to get your act togheter and go to a therapist that can help you solve some deep issues. good luck!!
2007-12-07 05:41:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You were wrong to ask your husband not to look at porn. You were especially wrong if you made him swear on your unborn child's life. Women need to get over it. Red blooded males look at porn! As long as it doesn't consume every wake hour of his day and he is not neglecting your sexual needs what the h-ll is the problem.
2007-12-07 05:37:34 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 2⤋
I am so sorry for the loss of your unborn baby. Give hubby a chance. He probably is reacting to all the stress. Porn can be as addicting as alcohol, drugs, or gambling. He relapsed, and there may still be hope.
2007-12-07 05:37:06 · answer #10 · answered by Stormy 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋