overreacting, pregnant, or RIGHT!?

Question

Ok, so my hubby just pushed me of the christmas edge... he HAS to get his 14 year old sister a digital camera for xmas, no big deal right, well she only wants 7mp and up... ok, well talk about 150 bucks or so right, Well she has broken 3 in the past 2 years, when we asked his mom what she was gettin her (she wanted to choose between and Ipod and a camera) mom said neither that is up to you guys... NOOOOO.. cant stand MIL at this point I love her but she is really under my skin right now... So far we have gotten his baby sister a bratz thing like 20 bucks (she is 5 not a big deal) a camera for his 14 year old sister, and a GPS for his uncle (who is his age) I say this morning I think I might want to get my dad the GPS too, and he says, I dont think we should spend that kind of money on any one else.. HELLO I am not getting anythign for either of my 2 sisters my brother, or my mom... we can spend 400 bucks on your fam and none on mine... I am heated and I want to scream!

but of course he would say I am being pregnant and hormonal, not he is tlaking baout gettin ghis mom a steam cleaner another 100 bucks, what the hell, she isnt getting us anything, and not that, that is what it is about but geez, she isnt... and i feel bad for wanting to get my dad something... What am I supposed to do, how do i handle this, do i suck it up and resent this xmas?

Answer 1

Set price limits- I wouldn't spend that much on those people! Your hubby is being unfair!

Answer 2

Break down the financial spending on his family on a big piece of poster board for him. Put a big line down the middle and write "Husband's Family" | "Wife's Family" and then write his family's and what was bought for them and how much was spent, *a good estimate is good* and then write what was bought for your family.

Leave it on the wall for him to find when he comes home from work, or going out or whatever.

Now make a list of what you WANT to buy for your family, it doesn't have to excessively expensive, sometimes personalized x-mas gifts go a lot further (like I do baskets that are filled with cookies and chocolate covered pretzels and candy that I make the entire basket costs me about $5-7.00 a person) But like buying the GPS for your dad, etc.

Now when he asks about the poster, look at him blankly and say "well...you told me that we shouldn't spend that kind of money on anyone else." Well I want to make sure you see how unfair this x-mas spending has been. Your family got EVERYTHING good...and they're not even getting us anything. And the fact that your mother had the audacity to tell us WE'RE responsible for buying your 14 yr old sister her x-mas present....screw that, I'm taking it back and I'll buy her a $20 mp3 player." (the girl broke 3 cams...are u guys crazy? This one is just gonna get broken too, you're wasting your money on her.) And then casually mention "And if you think you're going to buy your mother something for x-mas and spend NOTHING on my family...we can meet in divorce court cuz that's exactly where we'll be headed".

And I would warn him in advance before he opens his mouth, if he blames it on pregnant hormones, you're never having sex with him again. And state, it very well maybe the pregnant hormones contributing to the outbursts...BUT it's his ability to be a jackass that makes it necessary to use them.

Answer 3

Well, being a mom of 3 myself, I personally would not appreciate it if anyone (relative or not), bought my 14 year old daughter a digital camera. I'm a firm believer that kids at that age (and earlier) learn the value of things through working for them themselves. I would buy her a modest amount (no more than $50) gift card to the store you bought the camera at, with a nice card, explaining that you both wanted to help her toward her goal of getting a new camera. That way, I think she'll be much more careful with it and take better care of it, when she has to pay the remaining amount. As for the rest of the issues, I would sit down with your hubby over a relaxing cup of tea, and discuss what $ limits you both agree to for each side of the family. That way, if he really wants to buy his uncle the GPS thing, but it takes up 90% of the budgeted amount, he may re-think it. Coming to these conclusions together will not only bring you guys closer together, but will eliminate the need to declare bankruptcy after a few Christmases of unbridled spending! ;) Trust me, set boundaries now...before you have your own kids into the mix!

Answer 4

realize that christmas isnt about the gifts. Learn from your mistake- and possibly even implement it this year.. sit down and say "we have X amount to spend" and these are the people we need to divide it between. If you cant afford an ipod or digital camera for his sister- then you go shopping together and pick something else out for her- if she throws a fit that she didnt get what she wanted- then cut back even more next year- the focus of christmas needs to not be so much about the gifts and spending so much money. it's crazy.

Answer 5

I think Christmas is more about being kind to others (like your spouse) and love, then who gets the most gifts. I am saying, he needs to be more intune with whether or not you are happy with the way in which the money is being allocated throughout both your families, rather then whether his 5 year old sister gets the gift of her dreams.

Bottom line, if you keep your mouth stuff, you will probably remember this awful Christmas for the rest of your life . Now, if you talk to him about it and his grandpa or his sister doesn't get the toy of her dreams, they will forget it right after they open whatever you did end up getting them. Try to remember Christmas is about love and caring. More so than how much you spent on gifts.

Good Luck dear :)

Answer 6

I'd say you are both hormonal and right. It is hard not to over react when you are pregnant, so take a moment before you say something you'll regret. But you are right. It isn't fair to spend a lot of money on his family and not on yours. In my family we draw names and put a price limit on the gifts. In my husbands family we don't, but we use the same price limit for his family as we do for mine. It just seems fair if I'm spending $50 on someone in my family not to spend $200 on someone in his family. I personally think if you spent $20 on the little sister, you should spend the same on the other sister. And if you can get a GPS for your husbands uncle, then you ought to be able to get the same thing for your dad.

Answer 7

No I wouldn't. Is he crazy? Only his family gets gifts?? What's his problem. You are a team partners And you guys can only get his family stuff? This sounds like my mothers new husband. I can't stand the selfishness. I know you probably don't want to start a fight but I would bring it all up in a casual way. B/c this will eat @ you until you do. Just simply say honey, Do you think we can spare money for gifts for my side of the family? We got gifts for yours I was just wondering. I would like to get my sister and parents gifts. If he says no we can't afford it. Then ask if you can take those expensive gifts back and get reasonable gifts for everyone So no one is left out. Everyone gets a gift this year. Christmas is a time for giving not getting everything you want.They need to Be thankful for what you will get them. Some people don't even get gifts. My family doesn't give gifts b/c they can't afford it. I would tell him to take everything back and get gifts for everyone Nothing extravagant just nice. He needs to understand your family is his family now and vice versa. Why should his family only get nice gifts?

Answer 8

gurrrrl no u r pregnant and can totally do no wrong. (im not being sarcastic either). thats some bs and id go bu the exact gifts for my fam that i want to give. and then mom has the nerve to push the gift for the sis on you guys? in the words of whitney h. hell to the naw! u need to explain to ur hubby wuz up, and 150 for anyone is wayyyy too muxh unless its 4 a parent. or u could wait tillt he brat breaks the camrea and get the good old fashioned feeling of i told u so? yeah ur probably yelling but he needs to listen. u know men are totally clueless anyway ......good luck girl and congrats!

Answer 9

O i so know what you are going through!! Isn't it frustrating?! My husband blames everything on me either being emotional, or hormonal!! It really gets me mad. NO NO NO you are not being "pregnant" That is just rude and wrong. He is saying that his family is more important. Well pretty much! It should go both ways he cannot just focus on his family. About his lil sister i wouldn't be to up on getting her that camera considering that she has already broken so many. You have no reason to feel bad! And tell him you are not just hormonal. I hope things get better and let him no how it is tell him exactly how you feel. You have done nothing wrong

Answer 10

I think you need to step back and remember that Christmas isn't about the presents. Next year with the baby you WILL NOT have the money to buy people big gifts and can just give photos of your child. However, your husband is not being fair to your family and if he wants to spend your alls money on his, he must do the same for yours.

Answer 11

Get the 14 year old a gift card. She'll love it more than not getting EXACTLY what she wants. She can earn the rest. I know MIL'S. Tell him NOT A CHANCE!! Unless he wants to fork out the same for your side. Next Thanksgiving- talk to them and set a pre-agreeded on spending limit. If the kids know ahead of time they will not expect anything over that amout (and stick to it yearly!) After all, you'll have your own next year. YOU ARE RIGHT, but you already knew that!