Im so sick of this?

Question

I'm sick of people saying you need to be married to have children...and it isn't right to not be married. Its all about personal choice....some lady responded to someone and said dont have children if you aren't married and may god forgive you of your sins. I'm 26 wks pregnant w/ my first baby and although I am in a very loving commited relationship I'm not married. I plan on getting married in 2 years. Why are people so close minded? It is almost 2008

I'm not getting married right now because I want to have a bigger wedding...and to those who said sense you're not married plan on raising your baby alone...get a life!

Answer 1

they arent so closed minded- it's a fact children do better when they come from a two parents household. Also most elderly know that when you have a baby it changes your relationship and makes like 23432 times more complicated. When you aren't married- it's like there's an "easy way out"... it's just a fact- most people don't work as hard at a relationship and then you're left a single parent. If you plan on getting married in 2 years- why not now? What is the wait for?

Answer 2

Get married. No matter how you choose to spin it, a child is far better off with a loving mother and a loving father committed to each other and to the children they spawn.

Why not marry right away? You can get married without all the fuss and fanfare of a big wedding and celebration and your child will be legitimate. If you choose to have a big celebration later, all the better.

If you intend to marry anyway there is no reason to not do it now. Sorry, but once that baby is born the relationship between parents becomes strained. It is always the case unless you are so rich you have someone else deal with your child.

Without the proof of commitment that marriage provides, it is far too easy to fall apart. I suspect you already know this and are only trying to delude yourself. There have been times in every marriage (including my own) when the only thing that seemed to be holding us together was that commitment. Thank God we had it. There are plenty of times when things seem bleak, when relationships are strained, when escape seems desirable. Marriage and the commitment it brings can help you overcome those rough spots.

I say, either he marries you before the baby is born or you had better start planning on raising this child alone. It does not matter if it is 1888, 2008 or 2108. Facts are facts. There are more children born today to and being raised by a single parent than at any other time in our history.

There are far more young men and women in prison, far more domestic violence, far more school drop outs and far more ignorance and cynicism than every before.

Do not make the mistake of dismissing experienced and thoughtful people as 'closed minded'. I have seen both sides in my long life. When I was a kid nearly every family was intact and I know what life was like. Now more than half are not intact and it is far worse.

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Answer 3

Do what works for you.

I made sure I was married before I got pregnant because I thought it was a socially important institution which provided protection for both baby and parents.

I'm a non-traditionalist in pretty much every area and an atheist to boot, but I do believe marriage (or a civil union) is the best institution to support raising a child.

But I really don't care how other people do it. It's their life. Who am I to judge or tell them what to do?

Just make sure that if you're having a baby without being married you and your partner make sure all the legal aspects are covered... insurance, living wills etc.

Marriage is important not because of god or tradition, but because of the legal protection it provides families. The point of society is to protect women (especially pregnant women) and children. And marriage is the institution which (ideally) will provide the most protection.

My husband and I were together for nearly 6 years before getting married and we were very committed and very happy. We finally got married because it cost $40 and we were beginning to talk about having kids. What's $40? We got married by a notary public friend of ours in the radio station where we met. It cost us a grand total $50 and took 45 minutes (and that was only because we had champagne afterwards). It's just not that hard to get a piece of paper that provides you with certain rights and priveleges.

Congrats to you and your partner on the baby!

Answer 4

I don't think people should judge each other. However, I don't think its being close minded either. Its just about tradition and morals, and keeping things where they should be. I don't mean to say that you don't have any morals, I am sure you do and your intentions are to get married, but the people that are judging you probably don't know that you plan on getting married, just not today.
Just yesterday on the today show they were doing a segment on how many children are born out of wedlock and how the father figure is missing in so many of their lives, and while this most likely won't apply to your beautiful baby its probably the first thing people think when they find out your not married, that your child will be put into that statistic.
But I think we also have to stay conservative to a certain degeree, we start to accept or tolerate things like these kids that wear all black and trenchcoats because "its their freedom of expression" but thats baloney, they are crying out for help and attention and then they end up blowing up schools and malls because people were not close minded enough to give them the attention and just flat out realize they should not be dressing this way.
Congratulations on being pregnant and in a loving relationship and best of luck to you!

Answer 5

While I agree it is a personal choice, there is absolutely nothing wrong with believing in the institution of marriage and family. I think in the ideal circumstances, this would be the best scenario for most babies. It certainly doesn't mean that it is the only way to successfully raise children. Alot of us see our kids growing up in a world where morals have been tossed out the window and are expected to accept this because "hey, it's almost 2008". There is nothing wrong with being old-fashioned every now and then. Either way, you should ultimately do what is best for all of you in the long run. If you do, then you will raise a happy, well adjusted child.

Answer 6

Why are you so worried about what other people think? You have made the right decision for YOU not them. I was 17 and not married when I had my first child. I have since had three more children. I would not change a thing. Be strong and hold your head up high, sister! Don't let what other people say or think bother you! Opinions are like bellybuttons... everybody's got one, so they certainly aren't special. May god bless you and your child. Good luck!

Answer 7

Don't worry about what anyone else says. There are married couples that keep on having kids even though they can't afford them, and just expect the taxpayers to help support them. There are also married couples that have a horrible relationship and have no business bringing kids into that mess, but they do it anyway. As long as you are emotionally and financially ready for children, you are doing nothing wrong. Congrats on your pregnancy!!

Answer 8

Last year my first and only child turn one year old. Her mother and I are both HIV positive and this was my only chance of having a negative child. Her mother and i wanted to get married but we realize we weren't compatible and we have decided to just be good parents. I am a Christan and I believe in the bible. All sin is the same in Gods eyes and we all sin. So for those that judge unless they are with out sin tell them to shut up and get a life. I hoe you have a heathy baby. God bless you my friend.

Answer 9

Because you should be joined as a couple, then start a family, not the other way around. You'll see, if you have a girl, you wont want her to get knocked up without being married first. You would want to make sure the man was committed to your daughter before starting a family.

Answer 10

Some people are simply more traditional. Personally, I wanted to be married before I got pregnant. That's simply my choice. I do respect those who got pregnant in a committed relationship, even if they are not married. For those who got pregnant on accident after a one-night stand, they STILL deserve the utmost respect and support. It's all about banding together for a common cause--bringing a new life into the world.

What's ridiculous is people spouting off with their holier-than-thou attitude. If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.