the past, would you want to know everything you are forgiving before moving on?
2007-12-06 19:23:32 · 8 answers · asked by Nicole 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If "the past" that you are referring to, is a past shared with you (during the marriage), then absolutely I think you have every right to know if there are things he has been dishonest about so that you can determine whether you can forgive them or not.
Otherwise, you run the risk of these things resurfacing later, throwing the marriage into a setback again, should you discover or find out about something else from that period of time.
If, however, "the past" you are referring to is from a time before your relationship began, then I'd be a lot more flexible about what you think he needs to disclose.
I'd be really quite dubious about my marriage if my husband was continuing to practise deceit, whether it's things he's not telling you, hoping he's gotten away with it, or whether it's half-truths such as downplaying the extent of whatever it is that has taken place.
I think it's very commendable that you're willing to explore whether the marriage can be salvaged - too many people these days walk out without really working on it first.
And whichever way it goes, whatever decision you come to, you'll at least know that you did all you could.
I wish you all the best.
2007-12-06 21:07:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't see the value in that. I think you have to assume that there is a lot of crap that you really don't want to know about and decide if you can forgive it anyway.
There are some things you really don't want to know. If things are moving in the right direction, go with that. The past is past and you can't change it and neither can he.
If it's a choice between a good future together and "the truth", I think I'd take the good future. The truth has costs associated with it.
But it depends on how important it is for you to know all the dirt. Forgiveness is for you anyway, not for him. Don't make that mistake. You forgive because to do otherwise is to be bitter and angry. Do what's good for you and let it go.
Good luck.
2007-12-06 20:14:37 · answer #2 · answered by DearAbby 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would want to know everything which has happened, and everything that happens from here on.
Things that each keep as a secret only erode love and trust.
I love Harley's definition of complete honesty:
“Do not leave your spouse with a false impression about your thoughts, feelings, habits, likes, dislikes, personal history, daily activities or plans for the future. Do not deliberately keep personal information from your spouse.”
This takes some adjustment but its a great way to live.
2007-12-06 19:45:20 · answer #3 · answered by Graham 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would want to know why my husband isnt telling the truth about his past.I am going through that right now with him and we are arguing and I feel I cant do anything to work out this marriage because if i talk about it he thinks I am bringing up an argument and all i want to do is talk about it to resolve it.now we have to go through counceling.
2007-12-06 20:16:25 · answer #4 · answered by lynn e 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No. Sometimes the past doesn't matter so much as just moving on with what your future holds with the one you're with
2007-12-06 19:36:33 · answer #5 · answered by marincaligirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you talking about past things in your relationship? If so I would want to know it all. If he has been hiding things I don't know if I would want to work it out. Depends on what it was.
2007-12-06 19:40:34 · answer #6 · answered by kim h 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Deal with it and move on. You already ruined the relationship with him when you got married. If you haven't noticed marriage sucks!!! If you don't have children get divorced and when you fall in love again DON'T GET MARRIED and ruin it!!!!
2007-12-06 22:18:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
If he cannot be honest, chances are the marriage isn't going to make it.
2007-12-06 20:18:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋