What's the best way to pick your battles in a marriage?

Question

When you have a husband who downright refuses to do things right just because, do you accept it or have a talk about it? What if the talk doesn't get you anywhere?

Let's say he refuses to do something ... period. Because he doesn't like doing it. You specifically ask him to help you in that area and he agrees, but never takes action.

I am talking housework here. He only likes to wash the dishes, and he doesn't like doing that -- that's just what's easiest for him. He doesn't sweep. He doesn't mop. He washes the dishes and cleans off the countertops. He doesn't clean the kitchen table either.

When I talked to people about it before and asked questions about it on here, people tell me to back off. Relax. He's a man. That's how men are. But should I accept that? No, you can't change people but should you accept someone PURPOSELY going against the grain. If you don't know something you should ask, right?

Obviously, I can't get into an argument about everything.

Answer 1

I will not tell you to relax and back off. My husband does housework and laundry and takes care of the kids. We both work and we think that the work should be shared. I do more because I work less hours but he does a lot. If I tell him something needs to be done it will get done and it will be done right. This is not a battle that I would let go. You are not his mother and he is not a child that needs to be taken care of. He needs to step up to the plate and help out his wife. Do you work? If you do he should be doing a lot. If he still refuses I would not wash his clothes or fix him any meals. Tell him that you do not like doing it. It might sound harsh but it will get your point across. If you do not work he still needs to help you a little. Unlike him you do not get to clock out and leave your job to go home and relax. Your job is never ending and you need a break also.

Answer 2

It sound like he isn't very motivated to do these things for you.

You have no chance of negotiating, manipulating, coercing or otherwise making him do "his share".

You might have more luck if you find out what will make him feel special (the gifts or acts that really press his buttons) and start doing those. It will surprise you how he reacts to this, guaranteed. It may take a little while, and it can't be done as a way of getting your outcome, but if you show him some love you will be amazed what happens.

Answer 3

I know Im young but one day Im also going to get married and I would appreciate it if my husband would help me around the house!!! hes being very stubborn now on the other hand he doesn't have to like helping you but he still shouldn't make a big deal about it,he should do it because your his wife and your asking him for a favor and because he loves you he will do it either way,its no big deal! its not like your asking him to rob a bank! its something simple but if he doesn't want to do what hes asked to do then maybe you shouldn't either,you can always use that against him! when he wants a favor just don't do it!!! he'll realize how much he needs you and see how much you need him to,I say don't bother cleaning if hes not going to help you,let the house get messy he'll realize it isn't being cleaned and bring it up and when he does just reply "But I don't like doing it!" and if he trys to hold it against you just bring up how he doesn't like to do things Im sure he'll realize that it wasn't very nice of him to be asked a favor and not do it,but maybe once you do all those thing's he'll make and agreement and come to and understanding..ok well I hope I helped!

Answer 4

Sounds like he knows what buttons to push. You have your answers, you just don't like them. Either get a handle on what is really important, do it yourself, or hire a maid and make him pay for it. What did you expect when you got married? Men have to be encouraged. "Honey, I appreciate your helping out, and when the floor is swept and mopped, your reward will be here in bed waiting for you." Otherwise, you are going to find yourself doing all those things by yourself when he leaves you for a woman who has a clue.

Answer 5

You know how some men are. They'll take out the trash and give the impression that they've cleaned the whole house.
Hire a housekeeper and give yourself a break.

Answer 6

If you want a man to do something for you, stop bitching him out and start giving him good points and telling him how GOOD he is when he does something for you.

They are easy to get to help out.

When my hubby takes out the trash, I tell him what a wonderful man he is, and how I am so lucky because other husbands don't take trash out. When he lifts heavy objects, I tell him how big his muscles look and how pleased it makes me.

He can't wait to help me out because instead of picking on him when he doesn't do anything for me, I make him feel like a real man when he does.

:)

Good luck.

Answer 7

dont back off...if his sorry a** wont help you then dont help him.dont make his meals,dont wash his clothes,,,most men are pigs and think woman should do ALL around the house just because they bring home a few bucks,,,sooner or later he'll learn the responcability his momma should have taught him or he'll leave

Answer 8

Try ignoring the things he doesn't do and praising him for the things that he does do. Try this for 1 month and see what happens. Seriously . . .

Answer 9

If two are bringing in the income both share the outcome.

Answer 10

you married the slob so live with it or get out. next time take your man for a test drive and live together so you know each others habits good and bad ones. have a nice life with him he is not going to change.

JULIE D you sound like you are training a DOG.