What advice would you have for this person?

Question

Someone who got married too young for the wrong reasons, and now both persons are not happy in their marriage. They are both still young, and dont have any kids together. They love each other still, but cant seem to work through their problems to make it work because one [or both] parties dont want to be married, or arent motivated to care if it works out or not. Im not sure if it makes sense, but if this is what you got out of it, what would you say? They dont want to do therapy...but they also dont want things to stay the way they are.
Should they just work on their communication a little more? And because of the fact that they do in fact still love each other, does that mean that they still have hope?
Is separation a safe alternative or will that make things worse?
ideas and thoughts please. thanks.

Answer 1

It sounds like they have "loving someone" and "being in love" confused. The reluctance of one or both parties to put in the effort to seek professional counseling is not a good sign, especially since they have made it clear that they cannot cope with the problem themself. Look, nobody wants to admit failure and when people get married the last thing they want to happen is a divorce. But there comes a point at which people need to realize what is best for themself, and if they truly do love and care about each other they will hopefully realize that cutting their losses and moving on is the right thing to do, and a true way of showing how much they care about the other person's best interests.

Answer 2

I fully understand the situation. Once they both lose the motivation to make the marriage work, there isn't much hope. They both have to learn to care about the relationship, and then there is TONS of hope, especially because they both love each other. Kids, I think, are the glue that bind couples together. Even if they're miserable, at least they tend to stay together for the kids. So in this situation with no children involved, it might be more tempting for them to both move on.

However, I would strongly suggest against having them separate. Because they can find happiness within their own marriage. True, you said that they don't have much motivation to stay together. And they don't want to go to counseling, but that would help them a lot to learn how to communicate. If they don't feel like going to see a therapist, there are plenty of self-help books out there that they could consult. Also, if one or the other is willing to see a therpist for him/herself, that could be very beneficial too. Just to help one of them at least feel as though they're okay.

Answer 3

well, for starters if one of them doesnt want to be married then there is no hope.
some people can have all the love in the world for eachothr,but can live together.
my x husband and I hated eachother for many years while we were together..but once we seperated we were the best of friends.
It takes more than just love to make a relationship work.
they both have to be commited and want it to work,there has to be good communication and trust as well.
if they dont want to do therapy,and they are misserable together, then they should seperate.sometimes seperation can be a good thing because it will open there eyes to what was there that they couldnt see before..
and yes seperation could make everything come to an end,but if they realy dont want t hings to continue, then it sounds like the end is already here.
the best you can do is be a friend and be there for support and to listen!
try not to get involved - this is there problem and they are the only ones that can descide what they truly want out of the whole thing.

Answer 4

You say that they love each other but are not motivated to care if it works or not and at least on of them does not even want to be married. This does not make sense. They are either in love or not. Only these two people know if they want to stay together or not. When the time comes for one of them to leave they will know and won't have to ask anymore. Until that time comes they will just have to wait until they have had enough.
In my opinion separation never works. You will always wonder what the other did while you were separated.

Answer 5

I would say...if you REALLY want it to work out then definitely change your mind about counseling. You should try everything to try to make it work. Although if one or both parties aren't totally committed to making it work, probably go your seperate ways. One person can't make a marriage work by themselves, and unfortunately it takes much more than love alone to make a marriage work. It takes a LOT of commitment, patience, and effort. So if one or both parties aren't 100% committed to making things better, its better to cut ties before there are kids involved. If you seperate and later get back together, it was meant to be, if not, you will be happier in the long run.

Answer 6

If one partner doesnt wish to remain in the marriage, the marriage is doomed. If one is having difficulty finding oneself, perhaps a separation would be a good move. It would either make them realize they wish to be together........OR, work in just the opposite fashion. At any rate, it would provoke a decision one way or the other. In which case, both will need to be able to accept the final decision.

Answer 7

if one of them don't want to be married nothing is going to work so their best bet is get out of the marriage. especialy before any unwanted children come along. life is to short to be in an unhappy relationship.

Answer 8

If they love eachother they should at least give therapy a try

Answer 9

THEY SHOULD TRY HARDER AT MAKING THEIR MARRIAGE WORK IT ALL LIES WITHIN THEM! MATURITY DOES NOT NECESSARILY COME WITH AGE IT ALSO COMES WITH INTELLIGENCE AND WISDOM! SELFISHNES WONT MAKE THINGS BETTER. THEY SHOULD STOP THINKING ONLY ABOUT THEMSELVES AND START THINKING ABOUT EACH OTHER