Hi, my best friend thinks she's worthless and has no self esteem, i want to help her but she wont let me.?

Question

She NEVER goes out, she makes a conscious effort not to talk to people because she says she's been hurt before so she wont give many people the time of day. She finds herself very unnattractive (even though she isn't!!) and she never dresses up or puts on make up because she said feels she isnt worth it. Furthermore, she wont go out with me or even her brother because she doesnt want to "cramp his style" and she said she doesnt go out with people because she doesnt want to embarass them!?!? I've tried talking to her but she never lets me get very far, she's stubborn. She's not exactly shy because if she does have to talk to people she's fine with it and i always thought she was confident but now i don't know what to make of it.... I'm her only real friend and i really want to help her out. Her parents are quite strict as well ( arab parents are like that) so they dont really let her go out but now i know its because she doesnt want to anyway. If anyone has any ideas of what i can do..

Answer 1

Send her a loser card. Just joking your friend may be depressed. Don't get her a book on it but you can get some pamphlets on the subject from a hospital.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Part of her self-imposed isolation may be the result of depression, and part of it may result from cultural disparities she has to deal with. In either case, you cannot solve these dilemma for her, nor can you force her into a remedy that is uncomfortable for her. She will change when she's ready...likely when the pain of existing in this fashion outweighs the comfort she gleans from being solitary. It may also take autonomy from her parents' home before that change manifests itself fully...this is common for many of us that we discover who we are completely once our parents no longer control our environment. The best you can do is what you're doing now: being a true friend and allowing her to develop (without judgments) in her own time and space.