We have 2 children, he can't keep a job, isn't an alchohlic - yet., lies constantly, verbally abusive (used to be physically),mentally exhausting, seems to try then gets distracted, is good at mind games.
2007-12-06 14:14:45 · 17 answers · asked by Lani M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Lani,
From what you have described, about your husband and his behaviors, it sounds as though someone needs to talk with him. Have you been able to get him to go to counseling? Much of what you described is very destructive behavior and or, behavior which he thinks brings about his own agenda's. This is totally selfish and very unfair.
However, Lani, do you love him? Is your marriage worth fighting for? These are things only you can answer! I cannot tell you if things (he) is salvagable. God can though.
Have you tried praying and asking for guidance? Prayer is a powerful thing and much is changed, through the power of prayer. I would ask, for the sake of these two babies, that you pray and let God guide you. If your husband is not going to change and will not get help....then, you need God's guidance for the sake of your life and the future of those babies.
I will pray with you and ask God to guide you as He loves you and desires you and those babies to be happy! God bless you and I pray God turns the bad to good....His will be done!
If you need to talk,
e-mail me...
gail
2007-12-06 14:47:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Too bad kids are involved.... you should have seen some of this coming before you got preggers....twice!!!!! He has got to have had a poor worth ethic, too much booze.... before your children were born....... none of this has got to be a total surprise to you unless you were unconscious. Had you been my sister, this is what my mom would have been hammering into your head too beginning at age 12
1. The most important decision you will ever make is who you marry. Choose with your head as well as your heart. What happened?????
2. Have no children until your bond is strong, and have no more than you yourself can support. You may just have to.
3. At any and all costs finish your education to qualify for those high paying jobs. It is likely that you will work sometime during your marriage, probably for decades…. Get paid for it. And remember, your kids and your education are forever…. Husbands, lovers and promises are not!!
4. Have a stash of cash no one knows about even if you are sure you will never need it. You absolutely will, and the more the better.
In your place I'd have never married a guy like this... I love being loved too much. If marriage is Respect, Admiration, Passion and Trust, you don't appear to have much of any of these four biggies for this guy.... so my question, is why are you still there?
Get back into school, get your life back on track, and away from abuse. Your kids don't need to see that..... they will grow up thinking it's okay to treat women that way, and if you have a son, he will be abusive( I promise!!!) , and if you have a daughter, she'll take it just like you are and think this is what life ought to be like (again, I promise!!).... sad for you now hon, sad that it will go on into the next generation.
Find out what kind of domestic services are in your area, split your estate or whatever there is, and get out. Surely you have tried long enough.
Everyone deserves to be in a loving relationship. Yours isn't, and never will be. Do it for your children.
With love, from my mom
2007-12-06 14:31:33 · answer #2 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't sound good. But are you willing to try counseling? My husband and I did not have the ideal marriage, and we found a great counselor, and are now happier than we've ever been. If you can't change the verbal abuse, you will want to consider moving on though.
2007-12-06 14:20:20 · answer #3 · answered by trapeze 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's easy to say yeah go - we have nothing to do with the situation - we don't have to live with the outcomes - Think hard - what do you want to do??
My feeling is - get out while you can - but maybe counselling might help?? Give him a kick in the pants to get his act together!
I think that just writing what you wrote kind of answers your question. But good luck - life can be tough!
2007-12-06 14:25:52 · answer #4 · answered by Stuckinamoment 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It was time to leave when he was physically abusive. Don't stay in the marriage just for the kids. They are smarter than you think. You do not want them to learn that your husband's behavior is okay or that it's okay for a woman to take it.
2007-12-06 14:19:10 · answer #5 · answered by Rosie25 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You should have been left, why are you still with someone that used to physically abuse you. Why continue to put yourself under stress for a man that not even worth it. Leave
2007-12-06 14:25:38 · answer #6 · answered by dbrh_soto 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him and go far away. The last thing you want his to abuse your children in any way. Most likely he is not ready to end it so get a restraining order to avoid any situations you don't want to be in.
2007-12-06 14:30:38 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bless your heart! It sounds like you've had quite the burden to carry for a while. Jesus will take this burden from you if you ask Him to. He knows how hard it's been for you and the children, so please trust in Him to help you through this. He cares very much for all of you, and that includes your husband. I will be praying for all of you, that He hold all of you close to Him and give you guidance.
Your friend,
Virginia
2007-12-06 15:00:53 · answer #8 · answered by Virginia B (John 16:33) 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You......don't.......deserve........to.......be........treated.......this......way!
Yes, you should leave. You do not want to expose your children to danger. It's not the job thing that bothers me, it's the lying and the verbal abuse. People don't realize how horrible verbal abuse can be.
You can't possibly be happy. The kids can't possibly be healthy. You deserve better, and so do they.
2007-12-06 14:19:18 · answer #9 · answered by KC 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I would have left once he became abusive. It's complicated that you have children though, but maybe it is time to leave.
2007-12-06 14:20:05 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋