A week ago, I sent my ex a text message asking him if he knew what was going on at a local club on New Years Eve. Since then, he's been calling and texting me. We've been apart for a pretty good while now and we ended our relationship on good terms. Today, he sent me a text and asked me if I still loved him. I told him that while he would always be special to me, my feelings for him had changed and all we would ever be was just friends. I told him I was sorry if I had hurt him, but I couldn't help the way I felt. He acted like he was mad (for lack of a better word) that I hadn't fallen back into his arms. He told me I must have never really cared for him and he figured I must already be with someone else. I was trying to let him down easy, but he seemed to be really hurt. He loves me. I ended things with him. Does it sound like I was too harsh with what I told him? I want us to be friends, but only friends. I can't be in a relationship with him. Did I do something wrong?
2007-12-06 14:03:07 · 36 answers · asked by devil_in_disguise 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No way, you didn't do anything wrong. He can't hold on to something that isn't there. Maybe you should try cutting ties off with him for awhile though for his sake. He sounds like he's still taking it rough.
2007-12-06 14:07:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You absolutely did nothing wrong. The world would indeed be a wonderful place if we could set our differences aside and be friends. It just doesn't always work that way unfortunately. He is still romantically and emotionally invested in you obviously may never change. Then when he realized that you were just trying to be friends his ego got bruised and his natural defense was to appear mad. He is clearly not ready to be on any friendly terms with you the way that you would like it. He needs distance and to find his own way. Perhaps if that romantic spot were "occupied" by someone else... then he would be able to see you as a friend. Just stay quiet and look in your local newspaper from now on for your entertainment plans. And PS... he'll probably be at the place you were wondering about on New Years Eve... so don't add insult to injury and go there with a date! : ) ... just a thought.
2007-12-06 14:15:28 · answer #2 · answered by Chrissy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
NO!
Honesty is always the best policy in situations like these.
I am sure that you will get answers from people saying that you should not of texted him in the first place and blah blah blah, BUT
Just because he is your ex, it is only natural to have some residual feelings left for him, and the need to reach out every once in awhile is normal.
Obviously, he is not in the same place as you are, and is showing some of the behaviors that probably contributed to you two breaking up. The only thing that would be harsh here is not learning from this and continuing to call him or text him when he has shown that he is not ready to be just friends at this point.
Stay strong :)
2007-12-06 14:11:48 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
It wasn't too harsh. The problem was in you trying to be too nice and being friends with him. He still loves you, and he isn't up for more rejection from you. By reaching out to him, he had his hopes up, and then was crushed by your reaction to him. Men take little signals as possibilities. You need to gradually back away, and you need to understand that he cannot be friends with you because that hurts him too much. You should not let him down easy - that just will hurt him more. You hurt him the most by reaching out to him. YOu really didn't need to ask him about New Year's eve - you couldn have found out another way, and it was a sign, that could be read as a hint for a New Year's reunion with him. It seemed to him that you missed him. You may want to re-think why you thought of him, yourself.
2007-12-06 14:09:44 · answer #4 · answered by Ambrosia 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
He is crushed. When you really want a woman and you would do anything to have her and think the world of her you don't want to hear those devastating words no guy wants to hear "lets just be friends". Most guys like lots of women but sometimes you find "the one" (you know the kind that come around only a few times in life), maybe your his "one". I think too many women let guys like this go and wind up chasing some jerk. I feel sorry for the guy but you don't like him there isn't anything he can do about it, but don't expect him to like it!
PS sorry didn't see the ex part, this means you obliviously gave him a chance!
2007-12-06 14:20:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
no i dont think u didnt anything wrong. he sounds like he is over reacting a bit
i mean yea hes gonna be upset about your feelings but being mad at you isnt going to make you love him...if you are a "push over" you would have "fallen back into love with him"...but only for the reason that he was sad that you left him...lol kinda like forced love...
ok well i think you put him down as easy as you could and he needs to suck it up becasue apperently you werent ment for eachother. i dont wanna be mean or anyting but he needs to move on and realize that you only want ot be friends. yea i know it will be hard for him to do that and im not saying that he has to wake up one morning and say 'ok im over her now'. but just give him time. he needs to realize he cant be jealous or clingy when he knows it was over between you two a while ago.
hope it helped a bit =)
2007-12-06 14:12:32 · answer #6 · answered by Caitleen R 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Harsh? I think "without forethought" is a better term.
New Year's Eve is a romantic time - hence why everyone kisses on New Year's Eve. You gave him hope that it would be him you would be with. You led him on.
If you want to be harsh, next time text, "Hey, do you know what's going on at **club** New Year's? I am asking because I am either going by myself, or with someone else... certainly not you. But hey, let's still be friends, ok?"
2007-12-06 14:10:23 · answer #7 · answered by Victoria 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
No you did nothing wrong. but if loves you of course it's going to make him mad that you don't love him. I bet he's just saying those things because he's angry and wishes you loved him and is trying to just figure things out. No matter how easy you let him down there is not a very good chance that he won't be at least a little angry that you don't love him like he loves you.
2007-12-06 14:09:09 · answer #8 · answered by me 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
..better now than never...it could be worse..your ex is just in a state of denial..he will get over it as per 99% of men around the world that has gone through a breakup..seems like you just cant be friends with him cause this issu will creep up on both of you again sooner or later..huh
2007-12-06 14:08:45 · answer #9 · answered by lordmusan 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not harsh, you need to tell him the truth. Harsh would be to lead him on. But doesn't look like you guys will be friends. As long as he still has feelings for you. But that's not your fault nor is there anything you can do about it.
2007-12-06 14:14:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋