i was outside smoking and saw cig butts with lipstick, a lot of them. i knew he slept with a girl out of state and we were not together , but how am i to deal with these findings......
2007-12-06 13:31:47 · 15 answers · asked by SARA 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i know what we did when we wernt together was ok, but i still feel bad, that is human nature too, i am asking how to deal with it, so it doesnt hurt...
2007-12-06 13:40:07 · update #1
and i am not whining, i am the one who left him, but this is yahoo answers and i am asking how to deal with these things, it is human nature to still hurt over this kind of stuff, so i need advice as to how to get over stupid things like this , when we wernt even together.
2007-12-06 13:42:26 · update #2
Without honesty, you have NOTHING!. You just got back together, so ask him about the butts. If you want a solid foundation this time, you must ask. You cannot get back together simply on "I am hoping that things will work out for the better." Women do this moreso than men. Guess what, they never do! Ask him about the cigarettes that he did not bother to clean. Get a straight answer and do not allow yourself to be victimized.
You cannot change another human. If he is cheating or has cheated, he will continue to cheat unless he has a born again experience. I doubt he has had this experience. Do not allow your mind to play games one you. Do not guess the answers or minimize them; ask him straightout!
He either wants to get back or he does not. It sounds to me as if you are the one who wants to be used by him. You knew he was a snake when you dated him. You knew he would cheat when you after the fact. You knew he was cheating when you left him. You knew he would not stop cheating if you were to get back with him, and you know that he is still cheating. What is the problem?
You have not received any new clandestine information that you were not already privy to prior to your discovery. Stop being a victim and become more proactive. You deserve to be respected, but you must first respect yourself. It is wrong to ask him or anyone else to respect your boundaries and you not do the same. He knows that you are a softy; he knows that he can have his cake and eat it to with you.
If he gives you an STD or HIV, you will finally wake up! Being that he is a liar and a cheat, he will convince you that he used protection and only cheated when you all were separated. You, in turn, will buy the lie. Be warned, thousands of women wished they had being more up front and are now dealing with STDs that they did not bring on themselves.
Your husband or boyfriend is a loose canon. If he is simply a boyfriend, kick him to the curb!!! If you are allowing this to happen, you need Oprah, Dr. Phil, and Sally Jesse Raphael. Having counseled battered women before, it makes me sick to my stomach when a woman complains about her abusive or unfaithful relationship only for the sake of complaining. Why ask us this question? You are going to be with him as he continues to have sex with all of America.
2007-12-06 13:55:45 · answer #1 · answered by Richard S 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
well that is a hard one, but you're there and not the girl with the lipstick. Ask him to pick them up and throw them away since that's his past now. I'm in the same situation and I figure my ex did things and i did things. We weren't together so i can't be mad at what he did and vice versa. There are things that have to be mended when you do get back together, but if it's meant to be then it will work itself out. Things are touchy at first, but if you think it's worth it to get back with him, then you know that its gonna take some work. Good Luck.
2007-12-06 13:38:51 · answer #2 · answered by N8ivehunee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had something similar with my wife...
The difference was that when I got back together, I gave her as well as my self to get all of th things we did during seperation.. She swore up and down that she was not sexually active and I was happy because I was too..
Little to say, I find out later that she was sleeping with her ex-husband and others during our seperation..
Well enough said... After being lied to about this and having a chance to start on a clean slate...
That was it...
If he lies about it... its over
If he's honest, if you love him and it seems like a good start then at least give him a chance !!
2007-12-06 13:41:12 · answer #3 · answered by vmaxrubicon 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its good to see you are taking the steps to deal with it
Talking about, You have every right to feel hurt and you are right that you can't hold it against him. You should talk to him about it by saying, you found the buts and can he please clean them up, they constantly remind you of the time you were apart and hurts you inside.
Let him know you don't hold it against him, don't be defensive, Talking about it to him and to complete strangers will help, try not to let friends and family in on this because they will not only
2007-12-06 13:54:48 · answer #4 · answered by G O 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the grandparents have criminal custody, with a helping courtroom rfile, you haven't any longer have been given a snowball's wish in Hades. the only wish is which you will convince them to relinquish custody to you -- and if there's a separation in info, the courts are gonna have their doubts as to the steadiness of the recent environment.
2016-10-19 11:38:47 · answer #5 · answered by gilboy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
let it GO! what your boyfriend did during the four months you and him were separated has nothing to do with today.
however, if you want to make things miserable once again, then bring it up.
gather your dignity, act like a lady and move forward... yesterday is gone... and so is the girl with the lipstick.
2007-12-06 13:36:36 · answer #6 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Heart ache is very painful. Just remember that time heals. Do not dredge it up, don't think about it or talk about it, let it die and you will eventually forget about it. There isn't any way to make it stop hurting, but time heals all wounds.
2007-12-06 13:43:06 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get counseling - your priest or a family counselor or someone who can help you BOTH work through this. You will either learn to work it out or you will both decide to split for good.
2007-12-06 13:35:38 · answer #8 · answered by Jacee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You ask him. Then you get yourself....and him....tested for STD's. IMMEDIATELY. And you don't sleep with him until you know if he has anything he can give you.
Personally, I'd toss him. If he'd been with you for four years and only needed a few months to meet, date and jump into bed with someone else, that would tell me that he wasn't really into our relationship.
2007-12-06 13:36:51 · answer #9 · answered by lady_phoenix39 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Surely you didn't go without sex for 5 months? I know for sure he didn't. Just human nature.
2007-12-06 13:37:34 · answer #10 · answered by jeff b 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋