He is so controlling what I do I'm not aloud to get a job or he thinks I'm with another guy. He has abused me physical and now it is really bad verbally in front of the kids. I'm scared and don't know what to do. Mostly the holidays are coming up and he refused to give me money.. very confused what to do
2007-12-06 12:47:30 · 22 answers · asked by becky p 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Contact a battered women's hotline and see if you can see someone. You need to get out of this relationship. It will get worse. It will not get better. Good luck.
2007-12-10 06:37:54 · answer #1 · answered by Simmi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Becky, your situation is not an easy one. Even if the solution (leaving) seams simple it is not. We are 3 weeks before the Holidays, I don't think it's a good move to make a drastic decision now unless your life and the one of your children are in danger. The reason to wait till after the Holidays is to avoid that your children associate Christmas with divorce and possibly worse crisis. That being said, you and your children can not continue to live in those conditions for long. As you know abusers have cycles. Please read about it in the webpage I am including. You know the abuse will only escalate with times and soon he will physically abuse you in front of your children and maybe your children are next.
If he doesn't want to seek help and go to counselling then you will have to leave. Make a plan. What can you take with you. Where can you move. Who can help you. How much do you need. Hide money for emergencies. Make your plan as elaborate and precise as you can....and when you're ready do it...cause you know now it's not a matter of 'if' you will leave but 'when'.
2007-12-06 21:07:06 · answer #2 · answered by Jane Marple 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Darling, it is never ok to stay in an abusive relationship. Do not make excuses and never blame yourself! Spousal abuse is never ok. it is not a sign of love, respect, or "just jealousy." The root of the problem is within the abuser and it has a lot to do with the "need" having power and control over someone. Abuser's often feel intimidated by most people in life that they come into contact with. However, they mostly take it out on those that are close to them. If you plan on leaving you must be ready to do so (mentally). It's going to take all of the courage you have from deep within and support from family and friends (if you have that type of support). I have been in this situation before and trust me, this is not what love and respect is all about. Sure, many will tell you to leave, some may say stay for the sake of your family. But the answer is already within you. You just have to muster the courage to do it. If you stay with this man, you all must seek professional help. But, once you are disrespected repeatedly in front of your children, it will either bring them to resent their father and cause major conflict later or they may even begin not to have any respect for you. Now, I am not advising you to do anything that you feel that will put your life in danger. But you must get help with your situation. If you have a close friend or family member that you can trust that will not blow your cover or blow everything out of proportion and would also be willing to help you get through this, then definitely seek them out. But if you have no one, there is help and there are shelters all around that you can reach by calling a domestic violence crisis hotline @800-799-7233. But whatever you do regardless of the holidays coming up and all, do not be ashamed and GET HELP!!!
2007-12-06 21:06:28 · answer #3 · answered by Poetic Rayne 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you must leave. But, Please do this SMART! Call you local women's shelter for advise. They have a log list of things you must gather and put in a safe place BEFORE you say or do anything. Some of those thing you might not think of and you must prepare. Stuff like birth and health and shot records of you and the kids, baby books, any and all your precious stuff, any coins or jewelry you might have, certificates, CD documentations, bank books, your resume and old proof of education. The list is very long and the more you prepare the better off you and the kids will be. The women's shelter is your source of information and support.
Merry Christmas Dear, You are giving your children a brand new start with no more abuse. It is the best present you can give.
2007-12-06 21:05:04 · answer #4 · answered by rustyoldma 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think that u should leave him the abuse is only going to get worse and no child deserves to see that type of stuff it might even affect your children in a way so for everyone own good leave while u still can and well then money part if u do leave he will have to pay child support and u can finnaly get a job and make ur own money there is more men out there and not all the good ones are taken good luck
2007-12-06 20:56:35 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I fight with my wife in front of the kids. Which is so stupid of me, because I didn't know that this is bad in front of children. I guess that makes me a very stupid husband. But now I have kiss and make up and ask for forgiveness. Now my kids see me hugging and kissing mommy very passionately and afffectionately. This abuse in front of children can be reverse. I told my wife for forgiveness and sorriness in front of my wife and kids. There are a lot of things that I still don't know about marriage life. So I basically do a lot of stupid things in my marriage life, but at the same time, I try have to bring back the thrust and love back to the kids eyes. LIfe is hard as is, love is harder, marriage is confusing to me. Learn or burn. I am learning the hard way, by trail and error method.
2007-12-06 20:58:13 · answer #6 · answered by pain_of_unhappiness 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We had a similar problem growing up. My mom waited until I was sixteen to finally get away...which was a mistake. Yes, it was hard, since my father was our main source of income. However, it was for the best.
My point is that you need to get out. Stay with someone until you can get a job and on your feet. It would probably be a very good idea to file a restraining order, also. Don't worry about the money situation...as long as he works, he'll eventually have to give child support.
2007-12-06 20:55:29 · answer #7 · answered by Mommy C. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont be confused, just leave go to family or friends with the kids and call a crisis center and they should be able to direct you what to do, if you feel that scared call the police or go to the police, dont subject your kids to that anymore... physical abuse is a vicious cycle and if those kids stay in that environment it will carry on with them as well...making the first move is the hardest but keep in mind how much safer and happier you and your kids will be.....
2007-12-06 21:29:27 · answer #8 · answered by Renee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get your kids and get the hell away from this abuser. Because if he will hit you what makes you think that one day he wouldn't hit your children. He needs a good swift kick in the ***! Men who abuse women are evil! Get away and don't look back. Then hit him for child support and see if he can keep the money from you then. Good luck hun I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. Whatever you do be safe and protect your children at all cost! Lots of love!
Abi
2007-12-06 20:55:42 · answer #9 · answered by abigailbanksabi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Easier said than done, yes I know BUT, you need to get yourself and these kids away from him. How are you going to feel when your kids grow up all screwed up because of this. YOU will be the one responsible for this. Don't subject your kids to this. It's one thing to submit yourself to this type of abuse but leave for the sake, sanity and safety of your children. If you have to apply for government aid and they can provide you with housing, a monthly income (small but hey it's something to get you by until you can get a job) and health insurance. You don't need to put up with this sh*t and neither do the kids.
SO IN SHORT. THE ANSWER IS NO! DON'T STAY WITH YOUR HUSBAND. HE IS GIVING YOU MORE THAN ENOUGH REASONS TO LEAVE!
2007-12-06 20:53:49 · answer #10 · answered by grneyedgrly 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
READ THIS
I got flowers today:::::
We had our first argument last night, and he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me. I know he is sorry and didn't mean the things he said, because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today.
It wasn't our anniversary or any other special day.
Last night he threw me into a wall and started to choke me. It seemed like a nightmare, I couldn't believe it was real.
I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over. I know he must be sorry cause he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today, and it wasn't mother's day or any other special day.
Last night, he beat me up again, it was much worse than all the other times. If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of my kids? What about money?
I'm afraid of him and scared to leave. But I know he must be sorry because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today. Today was a very special day. It was the day of my funeral!
Last night, he finally killed me. He beat me to death. If only I had gathered enough courage to leave him, I would not have gotten flowers today.......
If you are against domestic abuse, please pass this along to everyone, NOT just women.
2007-12-06 21:11:11 · answer #11 · answered by Tom Thumb 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋