should i keep the baby?

Question

i am accidently pregnancy with my bf of one year.i was on pills, but due to antibiotic intake, the pill was not effective last time(i have been on pills for whole year). so am 7 weeks pregnant. he is 13 years older than me and divorced before i met him. i am about to finish uni, and apply for skill-in-demand immigration to australia.(am a qualified accountant in few months).

objective factors: He makes quite a lot money, live nicer than me(a student), i has a wealthy family who still support me. we still dont live together yet(spent 5 days together average though all the way, i can see he worries getting into de-facto therefore financial security issue). due to newly divorced, by doing so, he seems also can remain "free" to arrange life around himself like going out with mates without partner(he wasnt allowed to in last marriage), playing PC games etc. but he like the benefits of having long term relationship, so we are together in the way he wants.

there are few other issues in our relationship: 1. his parents has opinion i am using him for money and immigration(especially after i pregnant),----the whole relationship i paid most expensive dinners, and i bought him more expensive presents,i paid my own flights on all holidays. and i am skilled-immigrant, do not need de-facto relationship and has legal right to immigrate here on graduation or working.

2.he considers himself not good at telling people.----i was the person there for him and finding the best suitable solicitor for him while he went through divorced(stress and emotion breakingdown as his ex was mad and calling all the time while she had affair and live with other man, and then they fighting for settlement money(he contributed 90% total assets, she wants 70%)i find him a good solicitor to get him out depression.

3. we argue often, due to his sudden anger issues and some behaviour pattern i dont like.so when i say things, he read implication, and then fight back calling me accusing him and harrassing him for thing he didnt do right.and he always the one apologize first after after his rage. on the baby issue:he likes baby, his ex-wife was unable to pregnancy(they tried two years and failed) and marriage went sore and end in divorce due to manipulation and controlling issues.he is financially and emotionally considered ready, although he wish it comes a year later. but he let me to decide on this one as he feels bad about himself if i do abortion too..

if i choose for the baby is valuing the love, if i choose abortion is considering what's good for my career and future possibilities. i am not convinced neither way, i have to say, my bf is a nice guys who are not nice most of the time, except once a week/in two weeks drinking with mates getting vvery drunk and behavior stupidly. and dont like facing problems, dont like talking about relation problems. not a good entertainer. i feel his consideration on his financial security and freedom makes me questioning the love he had toward me.

Answer 1

you made a child together... and at 7 weeks it already has a heartbeat. this is a living person... keep your baby. it may not seem like the best idea now.. but imagine the day you will get to see your child in person. things happen for a reason. you dont have to stay with him to raise a child.. there is such a thing as child support.

Answer 2

This can be a very controversial subject.

I say you need to think hard about your situation. It seems to be a very tough one that you are in. You make this decision for you and not because people are telling you not to 'murder' your baby.

The questions you need to be asking yourself are;

Can you do this alone if you have to?
Can you afford this?
Do you want the father of this child in your life forever?

If you decide to keep it and give it up for adoption, this would be great for a couple that can't have a baby or have a great home for a baby.

If you decide to go with adoption can you live everyday knowing you have a child out there that you may never know?

Can you get the father to agree to sign off on this baby for adoption or take on this baby if you don't want it?

If you go with abortion this is your body and your choice. A person should never be judged when making this decision.
if you go with this it should be done fairly soon. However, never rush into a decision like this.
Think about if you can live with the fact that you did end a pregnancy and you can't take it back.

You can always call a local family planning center and meet with a councilor to help talk you through some of these decisions. They are not there to end life they are there to help in any way that is needed.

I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 3

Sounds like you are talking yourself out of this already...have the baby and consider adoption before delivery. HE (the father) should not be making these decisions for you....YOU are in control...take it! You both need to grow up tho!! I think a life with this man would be a life of control issues and immaturity issues. Hope you learned a valuable lesson about DOUBLE protection. If your career is so important to you, you would have taken extra care. In any case, he will have to be financially responsible for this child, if money is a factor in yorurdecision.

Answer 4

It sounds to me like you're dragging your child into a lot of pre-existing factors that could potentially be a problem. I don't know. This is really a choice for YOU and the guy your with to solve. You need to ask yourself how this child is going to affect you, your life and your relationship. How does the babys father feel about this? You should be talking to him. I'm not for abortion, but hey if it's an option and it's for the right reasons, I can't argue with it. It's not my life.

Answer 5

I have not read the rest of the question just the first part ... because it doesn't;t matter what else you wrote. the answer is YES keep the baby. 7 weeks that's almost 2 months at that time it is no longer a seed it is a breathing human being. It s a gift not an accident. have the baby and love the baby.

Answer 6

This is your decision, nobody can make it for you...have you had a heart-to-heart with the father? There's always the option of adoption, but by the time you go to deliver you may be so attached to the baby & won't want to give him/her up & that's your answer right then & there, but know that if you go for an abortion you will need to seek counseling as I'm sure it won't be an easy thing to go thru...never gone thru it myself but know others. If it were me however, I made my bed & I would lay in it, but I'm all about pro-choice.

Answer 7

If you keep your baby you don't have to remain involved with the father. He will be the baby's father of course but you ask this question, with background information, as if keeping the baby means you have to marry or live with this man. I see it as two issues. One, keep the baby or not. Two, keep the boyfriend, or not. You have two decisions to make independent of each other.

If you find yourself leaning toward abortion or adoption I urge you to speak to women who have done it before you. Abortion and adoption does not rid a woman of a "problem". More often than not it creates life long emotional issues. Very painful emotional issues.

Answer 8

you are involved in a rebound relationship... when someone is going through a divorce, they have nothing to give emotionally, so you had to support HIM and listen to his tales of woe... you were "saving" him...

you probably argue a lot because of his unpreparedness for another relationship at this time.

he wants to go out with friends and play PC games because he "wasn't allowed" for a while, and now with his new-found freedom he can do as he pleases. so he keeps you on a string.

having the baby or not should be a mutual decision between the two of you. it's a big decision for you, i know.

i don't really see this as a good or healthy relationship.

Answer 9

Under the circumstances, I'd say adoption would be the best choice for the child. Give him/her a chance to have a stable 2-parent home, and give you the chance to get your life organized and stable before you take on the responsibility of raising a child.

Answer 10

dont get an abortion cuz there r many ppl wout there willin 2 have kids but cant
n u can always give up 4 adoption if u dont want 2 keep the baby