I cheated on my fiance. With his friend. I feel very guilty. Never done anything like this. Should I tell him?

Question

Also posted this in singles section, but thought that since te wedding is in a month that mabye it should be here as well. Been with him three years. Never cheated. Never wanted to. Then with a month to go, I weaken. I had no right to do what i did. But if i tell him, I get dumped. I'd like to put it behind me. Is that not proper? The friend seduced me. And we had sorta been in a fight. Doesn't make my actions right. But I still dont want to punish myself for one terrible mistake. The friend promises not to say anything. In fact, he keeps begging me not to say anything. Thoughts?

Answer 1

dont marry him. he deserves better than trash like you.

Answer 2

The friend SEDUCED you??? What kind of a freakin' cop out is that?? Everyone is responsible for their own actions so why don't you step up and be accountable for the mistake you made. It's not going to be easy but you need to be honest about it, or forever have it hanging over your head. You don't know what lies ahead of you in the future. This could leak out and he may end up finding out then you're OUT!!! My mom taught me a long time ago that a secret isn't something well kept between TWO people. You can put this behind you after you fess up to your fiance what you did. Why would you do something so stupid like that??? There is no excuse in the world besides RAPE that would make this situation okay. Well not okay to be raped, but you catch my drift. You play you pay. This won't be something carried to the grave, I promise you that. How do you know that guy hasnt' told anyone else about this, and what if that person tells someone else etc..etc...Face it. You royally f*cked up. You should at least tell him so that you can save whatever dignity and self-respect you have left.

Answer 3

If you are planning on marrying this man, then you should tell him. He does have a right to know. No matter what the friend tells you and what you think, your fiance will find out. It may not be right now, but he will (most likely) find out.

Scenario- You are married and 5yrs down the road, he finds out. At this time you have a 1yr old child and you are happily married. What happens then?? He will feel that he cannot trust you because you not only cheated on him, but you dn even have the gumption to tell him.

Best advice that I can give- Tell him and let him know that you both need to try to work this out, if that is what you both want. Then, if you do get married- You can start your marriage with no skeletons in the closet.

Also, do you want to carry that kind of guilt with you?? It is obviously bothering you, or you would have never cared to ask for opinions.

Good Luck!!!

Answer 4

Have to admit it is a tricky situation. There's a couple of things for you to consider. You feel it was wrong Q is it wrong because of the possible outcome or do you feel the act was just wrong? Q Are you going to be able to carry on the relationship knowing this is in the background? Yes it was a mistake and another thing to consider is that sex can never be as exciting with your partner as it was as the "forbidden" sex. So when life becomes a bit monotonous or can seem unexciting will you then be tempted by the memory of the exciting experience. You will have to think long and hard before answering these questions, to and for yourself. If there is even a minute chance that you will have to come clean at any stage of your married life then now will be the time as if brought up later after you have history or children then he may reject you for not giving him the chance to decide whether he would have wanted to continue the relationship knowing the truth. His so called friend isn't what I would call a friend as he lacks commitment, ethics and a true sense of the meaning "friend". Yes it takes two to achieve the outcome that transpired and so you taking responsibillity for your actions will be a heavy burden to take on for life or the life of your relationship. Q How will you cope with your guilt? A normal response will be to have suspicions and transference as you will have already done what you feel he may or may not be doing. Our lives are often faced with lines drawn in the sand it is how we respond to these lines "temptations" that shows us who we are. If you are easily tempted to jump the line between what you deem as right or wrong then perhaps you aren't ready to make this level of committment. I know that this will give you more questions than you started with yet these questions can only be answered by you as you have to live with you. Good :Luck

Answer 5

What concerns me is that you are totally focused on yourself; how your actions and potential reprocussions will directly affect you. You don't want to get dumped, you don't want to deal with the consequences of your actions ('I don't want to punish myself, I want to put it behind me). In nothing you said do I see you say "I love him, and I'm ashamed of myself for doing this," or "I feel so bad for my fiance," or anything to do with your fiance other than he exsists.

Point of fact - you don't love him. Your post points to you being self-centered and more interested in yourself. You display no caring nor compassion - you're just scared of being "That girl".

If your love is meant to be, and you want to honor and do the right thing - then tell him - let fate and his heart decide. Otherwise, if you keep this quiet - your marriage will be a sham and you'll just do it again - or your guilt will eventually overcome you.

Things happen, someone can cheat and feel regret, yes there are mistakes. But you need to at least show some remorse to the effects of your actions beyond "woe is me, I will get dumped".

Answer 6

Tell him and break off the engagement. You should be stuck with the whole entire bill in fact. Maybe you can get 'the best friend' to help pay for the wedding that should never be.
You are not ready to get married, not now, no way.
You don't want to punish yourself for one terrible mistake, well Dear, YOU must live through your consequences. Your fiance deserved to enter a marriage with somebody he can trust, that is not you.

Answer 7

Here's the deal. You have cheated on your future husband. This is obviously not the right way to start a marriage. You will feel guilty and it will eat you alive if you dont confess. What kind of marriage lives off of lies and deceit.

What kind of friend seduces his friend's fiancee? Obviously, he's a dirtbag. If you guys continue to hang out and not say anything then it will happen again. Think about it.

Second of all, how strong is this so-called love if you just fought and suddenly cheated on him. Just know that in a successful marriage, you need honesty and trust. As of right now, you have neither.

Answer 8

My my my.... what have u done? Only a month left till your wedding and u cheated on him? hmmm i dont know if u are really sorry and feel ashamed of yourself but i think u should consider telling him the truth, he deserves to know with whom he'll be spending the rest of his life with. That would be fair to him. He will get VERY mad, angry, sad, confused and even dump u straight away.. but as long as he doesn't kill u.... LIFE GOES ON! Do not promise him that u'll never cheated on him again because he wont believe u... not anymore. That's the risk u will have to face.. Honestly ... what would u do if he does the same thing to u? Ever think of that?? u are lucky if he still have u ..

Answer 9

Although MOST people are probably going to tell you to "be honest" and tell him what happened - I would have to disagree - and I will tell you why. You feel guilty already. You know that it shouldn't have happened, but it did. And it was a one time thing. So.... you have to look at all points. What good would it do to tell your fiance? He will be hurt, the "friend" will no longer be a friend - which will hurt him as well. And you will be hurt because you know he will call off the wedding and dump you. It was a mistake. People are not perfect, and we all make mistakes. In the end, if you know that it was a ONE time thing and it was wrong - then you need to decide if you can live with it. If you don't plan on doing anything like that EVER again, and you TRULY love your fiance - then why would you want to inflict SO MUCH PAIN on everyone involved? The friend said he wouldn't say anything and you should trust that. He knows it was wrong as well, and knows what consequences he would face if he told. If you can live with it - then let it go. Sometimes - things are better left unsaid. I wish you luck.

Answer 10

The chum SEDUCED you??? what form of a freakin' cop out is that?? all of us is in charge for their very own strikes so why do no longer you step up and be in charge for the blunders you made. it is going to no longer be ordinary yet you ought to be trustworthy approximately it, or continuously have it putting over your head. you do no longer understand what lies previous to you sooner or later. this would leak out and he would finally end up sorting out then you certainly're OUT!!! My mom taught me a protracted time in the past that a secret isn't some thing properly stored between 2 human beings. you could positioned this in the back of you once you fess up on your fiance what you probably did. Why might you do some thing so stupid like that??? there is no excuse in the worldwide as properly RAPE that ought to make this occasion ok. properly no longer o.k. to be raped, yet you catch my pick the flow. You play you pay. it is merely no longer some thing carried to the grave, I promise you that. How do you already know that guy hasnt' instructed absolutely everyone else approximately this, and what if that individual tells somebody else and so on..and so on...Face it. You royally f*cked up. you ought to a minimum of tell him so as which you would be able to save despite dignity and self-admire you have left.

Answer 11

Sounds like you cheated as a way of getting back at your fiance though he doesn't even know. Yep....as you said, "doesn't make the actions right." I think you need to tell your fiance because there are no guarantees his so called "friend" won't tell him some day. Thought about that? Darn...with friends like that, who needs enemies? True your fiance may call things off but if the tables were turned, wouldn't you want to know?